What To Do After Changing Your Approach?
Before approaching your spouse with one of the many fight stoppers (all separate links) we’ve equipped you with, you will have a picture in your mind’s eye of the kind of reaction to be expecting from him/her. If your spouse responds negatively to your new approach, stop what you are doing immediately. It means you miscalculated the usefulness of the strategy. Even if you’ve followed my advice to a “T”, if it didn’t work, it didn’t work. Always remember that the proof is in the pudding.
Having said that, there is one thing you might keep in mind. Sometimes, an angry reaction is not a bad thing. For example, if you’ve been extremely cautious and walking on eggshells with your spouse and you’ve noticed that nothing is changing, you might decide to take a stronger stand. When you change directions, it’s entirely possible that your spouse’s initial reaction might be one of anger.
However, it’s also possible that a day later you might notice some improvement – s/he might be kinder and more considerate to you. So, occasionally, you have to continue to observe beyond your spouse’s immediate reaction to see if anything you’re doing is beginning to sink in .
The one thing to keep in mind though is that you should proceed cautiously with any new approach until you feel fairly confident that you’ve gotten a green light. If in doubt, wait.
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About mwd27
Michele Weiner-Davis, MSW is an internationally renowned relationship expert, best-selling author, marriage therapist, and professional speaker who specializes in helping people change their lives and improve important relationships. Among the first in her field to courageously speak out about the pitfalls of unnecessary divorce, Michele has been active in spearheading the now popular movement urging couples to make their marriages work and keep their families together. She is the author of seven books including her best-selling books, DIVORCE BUSTING: A Step-by-Step Approach to Making Your Marriage Loving Again, and THE SEX-STARVED MARRIAGE: A Couple's Guide to Boosting Their Marriage Libido.
Michele's work has been featured in major newspapers such as the New York Times, Los Angeles Times, Washington Post, Chicago Tribune, Wall Street Journal, and magazines such as Time, Redbook, Ladies Home Journal, Essence, Cosmopolitan, Glamour, Woman's Day, Men's Health, New Woman, and McCall's. Michele is a marriage expert on Redbook's advisory board, ClubMom.com and iVillage.com. She has made countless media appearances on shows such as Oprah, 48 Hours, 20/20, The Today Show, CBS This Morning, CBS Evening News, CNN, and Bill O'Reilly. Michele's Keeping Love Alive program aired on PBS stations nationwide. She recently completed a reality based show for the BBC about helping couples save their marriages.
Michele maintains that her true expertise in helping couples have great relationships is derived from first-hand experience. She and her husband have been married for more than thirty years.
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