Do you see the subtext here? If she were 100% sure she wanted out I doubt she would use "fix." Would probably end with "we need to discuss our options that would be fair to both of us." Etc.
The other fairytale and not being honest with self comments are a direct window into her taking responsibility for her foolish "pie in the sky" thinking. This sign of a conscience will go far in dealing with the older woman-younger man scenario with OM undoubtedly circling her thoughts IMO.
One thing you all need to know about Mrs. Choc. She may be high-maintenance, she may be prissy, she may even by somewhat narcissistic, with some MLC thrown into the mix. But she has a very strong conscience -- always has. I mean off-the-charts strong.
I cannot agree with you more in saying that "she needs to know the boundaries." Failing to set -- and then enforce -- boundaries is probably THE biggest problem I've been having in my relationship, as I've stated on here before.
I don't know Choco. As much as flowers and notes and all that are nice, I don't think that is what is the issue in your M. Am I wrong? My H is very nice to me and does all that stuff and more. And look at us still today. The real issues are covered up by these "band-aids" that just won't make your W get out of that mindset she is surely in. I don't have a real solution for you. Wish I did. Just don't be too surprised that lots of affection doesn't solve the M problems. I'm leaning towards the confrontation style more. Ignoring the EA is not a good idea. And Especially since she KNOWS you know Something is up. If you ignore it, she may get the distinct impression you are going to wuss out and not call her on her BS. (Not that I'm speaking from any experience here. ) LFL
I wanted to let everyone know that I'll be out of pocket starting in about 15 minutes, and until later tonite. I have to drive about a 2-hour drive to a nearby town to make a big sales presentation, and then have a baseball Board meeting tonite when I return.
I do so very much appreciate everyone's help, advice, encouragement and concern expressed here so quickly this morning. After a few years of mainly "taking" here, and not being of much help to others, and mostly just COMPLAINING when I do most, you have all given me more than I have deserved.
But she has a very strong conscience -- always has. I mean off-the-charts strong.
You sound like you are in denial there Choco. I was that way too at one time. I thought my H would NEVER act the way he ended up acting. But people change Choco. Especially after years of an unhappy M. Don't kid yourself into thinking she will do the "right" thing.
Oldtimer wrote:"I think you will find that pretty uniformly it has been UNhelpful."
I am not chasing you down to disagree with you, BUT.
Your statement above seems to be true only on this bulletin board. I have found that every other BB and forum on this subject that I participate on, to consider confrontation and exposure a uniformly GOOD idea.
All the best, -NOPkins-
I will ferret out an affair at any opportunity.
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect. -An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
The purpose of the flowers isn't to be "romantic". It's to "mark my territory," so to speak, and to let her -- and the other men around her -- know that I love my wife, and that I intend to protect my interests here.
If they also smell like lilacs instead of urine, then so much the better.
Choc wrote:"NOP, let me be sure I follow you. Are you saying it's GOOD to take the fantasy out of it for her, or it's BAD? I'm thinking it's GOOD, as she's made a bunch of comments recently, esp. to our daughters when talking about their own BF problems, that "sometimes it's good to keep them guessing." It's like she WANTS more intrigue in her life???"
I am saying that exposing the secret game that she and other man are playing takes away a portion of the fantasy, the unhealthy portion.
-NOPkins-
I will ferret out an affair at any opportunity.
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect. -An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
Quote: But she has a very strong conscience -- always has. I mean off-the-charts strong.
You sound like you are in denial there Choco. I was that way too at one time. I thought my H would NEVER act the way he ended up acting. But people change Choco. Especially after years of an unhappy M. Don't kid yourself into thinking she will do the "right" thing.
Speaking about the Soviets, Ronald Reagan used to be fond of saying:
