Since I have seen a few posts of people with spouses in MLC, and the respective MLCer trying to reconnect, or not totally let go of the LBS, I thought I would post some misconceptions of MLC as I see them. I think the biggest misconception of people in MLC, by the LBS is that they will "suddenly" "wake up" and come begging for our forgiveness and pledge to spend the rest of thier lives trying to make amends for all the wrongs done to the LBS. Well, LOL Hollwood do have a tendancy to distort real life! Unfortunately, the reality of the situation is profoundly different. Based on what I have seen of MLC, people who go through this, or are in it do not and will not apologize for thier actions. Based on my life experience, people seldom will admit they have done wrong, no matter what it is, and would rather go on with something else or doing what they have been doing. I suppose human nature is that way by and large. Another misconception is that people in MLC will run and party for a few months and be back home. Again, the reality of the situation is much different. People in MLC truly believe the LBS IS THE CAUSE OF ALL THIER PROBLEMS. With that being said, I think they might have to try marriage with someone else to find that it is them all along, and even then I don;t know if they get it! Again, this is just my opinion based on what I have said and read. One thing that I have seen that is pretty consistent, once the LBS does decide to say to hell with the MLCer and move on, you have a decent chance of them trying to reconnect. Why is this? Why does it take that? Again, in saying that, not all do, many just go right on, but it does seem that some will make some type of attempt to reconnect. Unfortunately, by that time the LBS cannot reconnect because of all the damage and hurt that has been caused. With this being said, I am not convinced that the MLC is trying to reconnect, unless they are genuinely sorry for thier actions. If you have an MLCer who says they are "sorry", but blames you for "not fighting for us" or "wanting to get divorced" I've got news for ya, he or she ain't woke up yet! LOL They are still blaming you for everything! They are blaming you for THEM being in this shape! LOL The only MLCer that I have seen on this board who is truly sorry and has begged for her LBS back is AMYC ( Please don't beat me up for using your name, I mean this with the utmost respect) In summation, it just don't happen the way we think it ought to when they come out of it. It is so important to us to have someone tell us how sorry they are and how much they miss us when we have been hurt and wronged so badly, when we don;t hear it, its a double stab to our soul. I think that is what really prevents reconnection.
I dont post here very often but I certainly agree with everything you have said. My H is attempting to get approval from everyone, his family, and now our children for the new love of his life. He tells me that he is sorry for hurting my but has no remose. Sorry but how can you be genuine if you have no remorse for tearing someone's beating heart from their chest and callously leaving it as road kill. I think we as LBS get it all too quicklt, quicker than thee WAS but that for some reason instead of letting go and trusting in God for ourselves we invest too much of our souls in their drama. You can stand for your marriage and I am surely doing that but I am also standing for me.
Awesome! I so love your posts...they are fun and get us thinking. And this time I think I agree with most of what you say!!! Not that it's important. I just wanted to say that for now and will try to post later--tomorrow am when Sweetheart's at work. I'm off work again due to complications.
Always, I have moved on, in fact, I was the one who D XW. I come on here and read, and post from time to time, I like sharing ideas and reading everyone's stich. It gives me great insight into relationships. I remember when me and XW were in counciling together long ago, she asked XW if she was going to have to waller in a pigs pen before she realized it stinks. I guess she made her choice. I have no doubt that she will try at some point in time to reconnect, I;m afraid its just too late, and if she doesn't, well, that;s OK too.
