My H has provided so much insight for me into the worlf of MLC. H said he felt like he was watching a movie of his life...he wasn't really "there"...
With this being said it makes sense that he lost 2 jobs and had minimal contact with his children. H was also MLC stupid!! spent tons of money, dyed his hair (GROSS!) and got into gold jewelry..BLING, BLING...oh, also tanned until he turned orange!
He said he would try to bait me into arguments so that I would look bad to him, that I was the one doing something wrong, not him. He said at the time he didn't think that...he really was mad and blamed me for everything. Looking back he sees I used to infuriate him because I was never mean and never gave him a problem when he would cancel his visitation with the kids.
My answer to him was "its your choice..."
All that paid off because H and I are doing well. The M is not the same and I have many raw feelings about the A but we are getting through it.
H said one day he realized that he was going no where...I was GAL and he was jealous...I guess that is when he woke up.
Holding my tongue and having patience was so hard but so worth it now. I have my family together and it feels great!
Here is a link to just what you are looking for. Favoriteweirdo's thread from just a few months ago.
He is my husband, but I think his posts offer a lot of valuable insight into the mind of an MLCer.
He no longer posts here and is now at 40/60 due to some very negative feedback that he got from many posters on here (seems like more of the same has been happening lately too). I find it incredibly sad that you guys look so much for posters like him (enough to start a thread about it) and then a few take it upon themselves to bash instead of being supportive of his current path....
BFM
BFM ~ It really upsets me to read that your husband was treated badly here by some people. Had I seen it at the time... well, I think we know what would have happened and it wouldn't have been pretty.
Your husband has done THE HARDEST THING IN THE WORLD THERE IS TO DO AFTER MLC - turn around and try to return home - and you can tell him that I said, from experience, that he has a hell of a lot to be proud of himself for because it takes a Divine conviction the likes of which UTTERLY SLAYS the prideful MLC spirit (and the newly awake MLCer has to practically BEG God for), and then it takes balls the size of Texas to look at our LBSs and admit we were wrong - all wrong- and to ask your forgiveness when it is all we can do to stand upright in the face of the realization of what we have done. If anyone, and I mean on any website, bashes someone that has survived MLC to return to their family - or even try to - they KNOW NOTHING - I REPEAT - THEY HAVE LEARNED NOTHING - while they've been claiming to stand for an MLCer. They are hypocrites. Stupid (which is different than ignorant as they have been exposed to the information on MLC) hypocrites!
How sad that FW has felt the need to move to a different site. I have skim read some of his posts and had I known they were there all this time would've read them earlier.
Me 43 XH 45 M 2.7.88 Divorce 7.10.09 Kids D20,S17 & D15
It's a site dedicated to MLC - http://www.fortysixty.org. I have found alot of useful info and insight there. The site is for both the MLCer and the S, but it appears to concentrate on helping men in MLC deal w/ what's going on in a productive, healthy way. I am very impressed with the content and the philosophy.
It's worth checking out.
FA
What does not destroy me, makes me stronger.
FA:43, H:42 D:7 M:10 yrs, T:24 yrs EA:?, PA:1/06 S:3/07 EA/PA ongoing Aborted attempt to move home 07/08
I have another thread that has more info, but it was suggested that I post here as well and I am glad to go it.
I went through my MLC about 3 years ago. All my "dreams" as I thought they were seemed to be slipping away and I felt as if my entire life was lost. Everyone was against me and I felt like I didn't matter to anyone. I stopped pretty much everything because I didn't feel appreciated. The worst thing is how I treated my family, especially my wife. She even said that I was going through a MLC and I just laughted. It was all about me and I didn't really care what else happened!
About 18 months ago I had my awakening. It was triggered when the OW that I had be talking, texting, and emailing started talking about meeting. I realized that I had crossed a line that I never thought I would. At the time I didn't care, but when I came out of the fog, I was and still am so ashamed.
My life is so much clearer than it has ever been. I love my family so much and hate what I put them through. I have the rest of my life to make it up to them.
SDog Thanks for sharing that. I think you showed a great strength of character by the fact that you didn't follow through with OWs suggestion of meeting. If only more of our Hs had done that......
Me 43 XH 45 M 2.7.88 Divorce 7.10.09 Kids D20,S17 & D15
and it wouldn't have been pretty.