So this is the divorce diet? Just noticed I've lost 15 lbs in the past two weeks. Know I've been eating a lot less which I'm sure some of that is contributed from walking and jogging....Not very fun
Quite a bit here too, probably 20 lbs or so. Although I will say that combined with the working out... I look pretty great (and it's been noticed, though not by W a few states away, who never seemed to care how I looked anyway). Small comfort, but hey, any little thing these days.
Well my wife just left here after another shower. She's hoping her and my BIL can get their gas turned on next week. Which will cut down on how often my wife comes by as well. So that part kind of [censored] but needed nonetheless. The texts she sent me asking if it was ok I kept real short and abbreviated a lot. I didn't answer all of them. She had asked me earlier today if I was going to be home tonight I told her I didn't know. When she was here I acted happy. She did do one thing that threw me for a loop. Instead of getting dressed in the bathroom like normal she came out the bathroom naked carrying her bra wanting me to fasten it for her. I obliged but tried to not pay too much attention to the factor that she was naked. Might be some kind of game to try to keep me interested just in case she changes her mind about the divorce. I have no idea. Nonetheless it was a great visual. I acted happy. Stayed polite as normal and kept my responses pretty short.
She's a really confusing person. Yesterday I get the ILYBNILWY and today she's nude and slapping me on the butt. I really don't understand her. If this is some kind of game she needs to just stop it.
So now that it's cooling off I think I will take my dogs to the park for a walk. See how long it takes my big boy to run out of breathe this time. I'm guessing he'll be out of breathe by the time we get out of the car and make it to the walking pavement. So about 35 feet or so. While his little mini me just bounds about. For such a little dog she stores a lot of energy.
she said that we just argue when we talk and such. To which I told her we don't.
You said you don't know what the problem is, but I think you don't want to really know.
You don't have a plan. You haven't set any goals. You don't GAL.
You say she's BP, but you post as if you're expecting her to be completely rational and emotionally mature. She doesn't even have to try to manipulate you.....she can tell you she wants you to take her to the movies, and you agree, and in the same sentence tell you she doesn't want to go, and you agree. "This" makes you appear to be the one on a roller coaster!
As with any WAW, she is looking for something to make her happy. She doesn't feel romantic love in the M. I believe there is tons of co-dependency on both side, and you won't find peace or happiness as long as that continues.
She is looking for a strong, confident, attractive man. She is not seeing that in you. You said you appreciated some blunt statements, so let me be blunt with you. If her words can make you want to cow down in some corner of the room and lick your wounds, you will not be the man she needs nor wants. That type of mental attitude makes a man very weak, and it is the opposite of attraction.
She needs a man who is stronger than she is. At one time, when you were teaching her how to drive, etc., she thought you were stronger.... maybe knew more than her or had more experience.... and had self-confidence. These are attractive in men. She wants to be romanced, and hear words that make her feel good about herself. She probably wants to do things that are fun, different, change the menu once in a while. At some point in the MR, that stopped. Whatever is her love language stopped, too.
I may be wasting my time, but I hope you will digest something. Stop talking to her. Turn the phone off. I know that's hard for most people....but people got along without all the TM in the past, and frankly, I see too much co-dependent ways in these couples that have to TM xxx times a day. So, turn it off, get a new email account so you won't see her emails (b/c I don't think you can control your reaction to whatever she says). Unfriend her on your FB (as jr. high as that may sound).
Why am I telling you to do this? B/c you need to stay away from her and work on yourself. She needs to be away from you. That has already been explained why it is necessary.
You must have a plan of action! You must have goals for your life. Don't make goals about her. These goals must be about you, and make goals that do not have to include her in your life.
I'm not trying to make you feel worse. I'm trying to get you to to see through your own fog. Become a man you like. Live your life so you can be happy. Get your sight off of her! Don't contact her brother b/c it's very obvious he doesn't care what she does, since she pays rent!
If you will back away from her, and not fall into old patterns, then I believe she would be begging to go back to you. Or....you can continue the way you've been doing.....and be miserable for a very long time.
Wake up, rise up, and look up. After you work toward being the best "you" possible, you may or may not want to open the phone lines again.
(hugs)
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
That's the problem? She doesn't see me in that light anymore? Honestly I do want to know the problem. I can't fix something if I don't know what it is,you know?
I won't deny at all that over the course of the years some issues have taken a big toll on me. Luckily I what rarely used account I had on FB I already deactivated just to take away that temptation. I don't worry about emails she never emails just TM's.
No your not making me feel worse. I appreciate your bluntness. You are right though it's very hard to ignore her TM's. I have gotten away from TM'ing her first but I do react to things she says. Which is what resulted in our falling out yesterday.
Don't contact my BIL? I realize he's not too concerned with her right now but he's really the only person I would consider a friend. He knows I don't want to go over there when she's there which is why he calls me when she's not there.
Which one odd thing is I never have been the go out type. Even when me and my wife first got married we just usually sat around at my old apartment. Which that usually happened even before I met her.
One thing I know I used to like to do was just go out and just drive around. Which at the price of gas and that I still haven't got a job is hard to do.
So if she texts just don't answer? I know in the book it says to answer some texts that I get sent but not all. Which also a big point in it is to GAL. I can't turn my phone off by any means it's the one my mom calls. I got to have it on if nothing else just so I can be updated on my dad's condition. He had a leg removed yesterday due to a staph infection amongst many other problems he has right now.
