One of the things the MIL said really annoyed me. She said that we didn't have many common interests. That's just nonsense. We like the same books, films, TV, sports, travel, food, you name it. Rewriting in action. I just don't know what to do anymore. Dark, dim, galing, whatever she just won't talk. It's so frustrating. I can't turn my feelings off like she has. I think I did pretty well during the moving stuff but I can't see any way forward that doesn't include a D. I feel I need to take control of my life but she's the first and lady person I want to talk to every day and for her I'm the last person she wants to talk to ever. It's not even like she hates me, it's just indifference which is horrible.
Focus on myself. That's what everyone says. I just don't know WHO I am anymore. Am I single (which I hate), am I married (No, don't believe so). I feel sad, scared, and frustrated. I'm lost.
One calendar year from the time the bomb hit things will be much easier to deal with and a lot will be made clear. Until then, you just have to go through it and rely on all the support resources you can muster. Feel sorry for yourself and mourn -- it helps, this too shall pass.
Very few times in life do we have the motivation to take a deep look at ourselves and truly decide to make some changes -- as painful as it is, that part of this is truly a gift.
I went to a divorce support meetup, at that group, everyone thought their ex was scum, that they were a victim, and that nothing was their fault. I looked around and saw a bunch of people destined to be here again in their next relationship.
You are *lucky* because you have the power to avoid that, by learning how to make relationships succeed, and by figuring out what roadblocks you own that must be removed through hard work. It's truly an opportunity Mab, recognize it for what it is. You can spend your next decade in a much happier state than you spent your last one, either with W or with someone new.
Accuray
Married 18, Together 20, Now Divorced M: 48, W: 50, D: 18, S: 16, D: 12 Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 7/13/11 Start Reconcile: 8/15/11 Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 5/1/2014 (Divorced) In a New Relationship: 3/2015
Thanks accuray, I certainly don't think my W is scum. Behaving oddly but it's not malicious, just a reassessment of her life. I'm upset that I'm not being given a chance but my frustration doesn't change anything so I have to accept it and use it to grow. Obviously, there's more to come but as long I can keep hold of my dignity I'll be happy. Today I'm feeling a bit lost, it's a beautiful day and I can't think what to do. I booked a weekend of sailing next week which should be fun. I'm also starting to think it may be time to move out of here. Maybe I'll wait on that do a bit but I think it's time to start the ball rolling. I don't think there's a spark there for her right now and maybe there never will be. No expectations as I keep being told.
Currently deciding whether to go to the pub to meet up with a friend of a friend who is out tonight. Very tired after yesterday but it is a chance to meet some new people. What to do?
Hmm, well that went well. Had quite a good evening. Went to a rubbish club and tried to enjoy it. Went outside for a 'breath of fresh air'and wasn't allowed back in! Am now seriously annoyed. Not with bouncer but with how I get treated by W and life in general. I'm fed up with the crocodile tears and the selfishness. Am angry that I put up with it all and paste a smile on. Right now all I want to do is pack all the garbage W left behind into the car and drive round to her place (which she still hasn't had the decency to tell me where, but I actually know) and let rip with both barrels. Release all the frustration and annoyance at her victim mentally, Grey's anatomy fantasy world. I've had enough.
