OUR SITCH.....pray for us

[Lkyguy]

Our sitch
Married 20yrs , first 10 yrs we drank & drugged any bad feelings away. was a rocky road due 2 the addictions but WE were ok . Our arguments always boiled down 2 the same thing, I made her feel unimportant 2 me, she would say I wasn’t emotionally available 2 her, always buried in PC or a movie or some hobby. That’s how I deal w everyday stress of being a man id say, thinking it was a solution & not the problem. I was so blind. We struggled with different addictions (her pills, me food/porn) till the last year or so she had a emotional affair w an older man, a father figure. When she started with he pills & rehabs, stealing my middle sons meds, blowing hundreds of thousands of dollars we didn’t have & the whole mess. I tried to be a stand up guy, get the help you need I said. I wasn’t drinking, drugging or eating away the pain I used the porn & then massage parlors to seek pleasure in place of happiness. I gave her HPV virus (STD) & she required invasive surgery down there. We struggled with guilt & shame & blame for the last few years. She tried to be a stand up gal. Forgive & forget. My guilt was killing me. I watched her every move. Hacked into her cell & questioned every call, I smothered her. Then after a big blow out things seemed to get better for about 6 months….then on our 20th anniversary she had other plans. Huh?…the bomb dropped…. ILYBNILWY she wants to be on her own.
She’s planning to separate after the holidays….sell the house & go our separate ways…joint custody
we live together but the rings are off & we change in the bathroom
she says she could never have sex w me again...
I am NOT giving up...
I LOVE HER...allways have
found this website...(great!!!)
reading db
ordered DR
ordered phone coach to start 11/1/07

[sgctxok]

Hi Ikyguy!

I'm glad you found this site. We are with you. DR is DB upgraded (there is extra information in DR) I invite you to join us for the KLA 2007 series. Hop in and if it seems right to you, order the CDs.

Phone Coaching is awesome.


I'm so proud of you to turn things around in your life and take the high road.


Father, we thank you for Ik's heart and mind and spirit, for th elove he has for his wife and his family, for his desire to heal his life and his marriage. We know you love that. That you will provide a way for him.

Father, keep his wife safe. Surround her with folks who will support the good changes, and support healing her marriage. Put a shield around her and protect her from those who would rather drag her down.

Father, keep a shield around their children. Protect their hearts and their lives.

Father, keep IK close to you, guide him, fill him with your peace, and one-ness of purpose. Expand his territory. Bless him with the financial and any temporal needs he will have, give him energy to deal with everything he will need...let him be strong for his children. Give him wisdom.

In Jesus name we ask this.

[Lkyguy]

thank you sooo much for your thoughts & prayers
when my wife let me go...I fell into an emotional free fall, I could no longer grab for any of my symptoms (drugs/alchohol/food/sex) to get out of the pain...I was left to grab for GOD.....WOW total dependace on GODs perfect unconditional love... It has been UNBELIEVABLE, I have been doing an awful lot right lately
Taking care of myself,exersizing,eating right but I have so much to learn & so far to go.... Im "all in" one day at a time. my WAW is "out with a freind tonight" & I am racked with fear that she is with OM.I wish I could be quiet inside....slept 3 hrs last night....praying constantly...

[sgctxok]

No fear.



All this I have spoken while still with you. But the Counselor, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you all things and will remind you of everything I have said to you. Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid. John 14:25-27


This is a great site:

http://www.prayers.org/
http://www.biblegateway.com/

[Lkyguy]

WAW said she is going to shop for pants after work w a girlfreind...she got home at 11:38pm...guess what .....she didnt buy anything...after getting 3 hrs sleep the night before & laying terrified in our bed wondering where & who she is with...I came downstairs & read success stories till I calmed down...I learned much of this isnt even about me....she has to find herself & what she wants in life...this isnt going to happen overnight....I have to stay upbeat & focused on being the best dad/person I can be weather she stays or goes....this is by far the hardest thing ive ever tried to do.....should I tell her about DB?..leave the books aroud?....or just let her SEE db at work.......happy holloween everyone


“Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that your brothers throughout the world are undergoing the same kind of sufferings.”- 1 Peter 5:8-9

this place is a GODsend

[Lkyguy]

I told my WAW that, who she was with & what they did (she says she was out with the girls & having fun) is none of my business & I would never question her about it. But since I know she didn’t sleep more than 3 hrs the night before, it would have been thoughtful if she let her kids & me know she was safe. That’s all.
She apologized & she said she was wrong not to do that, that the changes in me are amazing how thoughtful I am with the children & how intimate & emotionally available I’ve been. All the tings she prayed so hard for all those years. She asked me if I have REALY let her go?
I said yes, that I KNOW this is right & meant to be just as it is. That she must go out into the world & find out what is really important to her. But like her, I have my fearful moments.
She got exited & started talking about how after the holidays we can move forward with the separation: (
GOD ,grant me the courage to except the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can & the wisdom to know the difference.

[Lkyguy]

^

[Lkyguy]

just got back from therary & WAS isnt home...kids say she ran out to the store then called to say she ran into an old freind & wont be home for a while. this sux. im dieing inside

just got back from therary & WAS isnt home...kids say she ran out to the store then called to say she ran into an old freind & wont be home for a while. this sux. im dieing inside

The only way I survived in the first month was to throw all of my energy into my D - Since your's are older be careful not to try to turn them into therapists or friends, but make sure they get everything they need.

Hopefully your appt tonight helped - You're in the very early stage right now, so you're going to experience a lot of ups and downs. There'll be days when things ALMOST feel like they're back to normal, but don't think it's going to stick - I can't count the number of times I've had the rug pulled out from under me by thinking that things are better and the next day it's all crazy again.

[sgctxok]

No. Don't tell her about DB. Just do the DBing. There may come a time when you can do the KLA together or the marriage DVDs or an intensive with Michele, or something else similar. But DB/DR is designed for one partner. It will work against you to show it to her.



Peace, be still.