Ok...I know I am not supposed to, but I looked at H's myspace page. He had just put up "I am bored as hell" Lol, made me laugh since I was just complaining about being bored. ...At least I know I am not the only one sitting at home doing nothing tonight.
H called me at work this morning. He said MIL called him to ask him what time I was meeting them this weekend. I don't know why she called him instead of me. My guess is that she thinks things are A LOT better between H and I than they are. I notice when his family is around he is much more affectionate with me...like he doesn't want them to know what is going on.
It has been about a week and a half since I have seen him, which is the longest since he moved here. I don't imagine I will see him before next week either. I plan on leaving right after work on Friday to meet up with the in-laws.
Ok, bring on the 2x4s..but I feel I need to confess my sins.
Maybe this was done out of boredom but I looked at the website for OW's radio station, which she maintains. They have pictures on there from their Halloween party. I had already seen a picture of H in the background of one the pictures a while ago. They were dressed alike...how cute
Anyway, I already knew all of this...BUT she has since gone and added all of these pictures of them together on it (before it was just the one). The ones of the two of them are the ONLY new pics on there. They were added fairly recently because it wasn't that long ago that I looked at it.
The thing is that it didn't even really bother me. I just kind of shook my head. I know she figured I would look at it. I just have the same question...why now?? Why wouldn't those pictures have been up back when they were taken? Is it desperation on her part?
I really think it is desparation, which I find amusing. In fact, I love it...is that wrong of me? I love that she is probably feeling a little bit the way I felt when he left me. She probably has all these things going on in her mind about H and me just like I did about H and her. Serves her right. Try as she may I am not going to let her get to me again.
Hey, Kris. OW probably knows that since you've checked out her myspace page, chances are you'll visit her website, too. I'm sure not only is she desperate in trying to relive the good times she felt she had with your H, she is doing it to get under your skin, too. But, who really knows?
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She probably has all these things going on in her mind about H and me just like I did about H and her. Serves her right.
Hehe!
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Try as she may I am not going to let her get to me again.
2x4 coming!
Everytime you peek, snoop, whatever you want to call it, you ARE letting her get to you. You're giving her a little bit of power over you that she doesn't deserve.
*Gentle, loving* WHACK!
Hope you're having a great day!
Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point in order to move forward. ~ Joseph Campbell
Everytime you peek, snoop, whatever you want to call it, you ARE letting her get to you. You're giving her a little bit of power over you that she doesn't deserve.
Touche. You are absolutely right. No more snooping. I know she did it to get under my skin. H even said that about the myspace page.
I have nothing to add, except Ditto! I am glad you are not letting it get to you, and that seeing that stuff only made you shake your head. However, it's only a further small step to not looking - one I think you need to take.
Thwart her, don't even look!
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
I know that I shouldn't snoop...but maybe you all need to hit me over the head and remind me why I shouldn't.
Here's the thing. If I hadn't seen that pic of H and OW kissing, then I would have foolishly gone on believing it never got physical. I mean I really believed him, he was very convincing. He never would have fessed up. After seeing it is when I decided to put my foot down and not let him continue to take advantage of me. I think seeing it helped me with that.
Would I be better off not knowing? I don't think so. It isn't like I can trust him to tell me what is going on. In my warped sense of thinking I feel like if I didn't snoop, then he would be free to carry on as many relationships as he wanted to....and I would just be blind to it. Is ignorance bliss?? Is it what you don't know can't hurt you??
I guess what I am saying is that the things I know...I wouldn't know if I hadn't snooped. Hell, I wouldn't have even known he was living with her. Would I be better off if I didn't know?....I mean it still happened.
I am not trying to condone my snooping or say that it is ok. I just want someone to help me see what is so wrong about it. I know it is a break of trust. I know that, and maybe that's the answer to my question. BUT, the reason I do it is because I no longer trust HIM.
I think it is impossible to rebuild the relationship until the WAS comes clean about everything - if they can't be safe to discuss that stuff with you, then you're building the new R on a bad foundation IMHO. They won't ever feel safe to discuss it if they can't trust you, and yes, I think you did answer your own question - it is a breach of trust. And I understand why you do it, you don't feel you can trust him and he is not giving you the transparency you need to feel like he is trying to earn it back.
You can't make him do it though. I think it is also a control issue - that you feel a need to verify things so you KNOW the truth. But the truth is not so simple, ex-OW is posting a biased version, just as your H has given you a biased version, and you have no control over either of them.
So, what good does snooping do? Often, it makes you feel worse! It is a breach of trust, and it is a futile effort to control the stitch and the information surrounding it.
Just my 0.002 but it seems like 3 good reasons not to do it.
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
I think it is impossible to rebuild the relationship until the WAS comes clean about everything
I agree, but how do I KNOW that? I guess I will never really know. I have to "trust" him..problem is that I don't. He never would have come clean about the physical relationship. He would have carried that to his grave. He had already lied to much about it.
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You can't make him do it though. I think it is also a control issue - that you feel a need to verify things so you KNOW the truth.
Bingo. I can admit my flaws. But everytime I try to verify what he is saying...I find out he lied. Just once I want to verify and find out he is telling the truth. But you are right, it is controling.
Yes it is a breach of trust...but isn't it strange that I am the one being called out for not being trustworthy here (not by you, but just in general when referring to snooping) when he is the one who had the affair? Why isn't he chastised for hiding things rather than me for finding them?
Anyway, I have just been thinking about this a lot...and I don't know that I can get past it. I feel like I will always be checking up on him. I will always feel that insecurity. I will never believe him. Even if he is being sincere, I think I will still question it. Maybe it is because before I had complete trust in him and he betrayed it. I mean the thought that he would have an affair never crossed my mind. Never. I would have bet my life that he wouldn't have done that.
You are right Michelle, I agree with everything you said. They are very valid points. I am just having this inner struggle about it and trust in general right now.
