OK, so here it is day 3. I'm doing OK. I forgot to stop a credit card payment from coming out of the account H is using. I needed to tell him that I owed him $100 and would pay him on Friday. I just texted him about it, and got an "OK" in response.
I have a question though. If and when H files, what can I do to stop it? Can I refuse to sign? I don't think he is going to be filing any time soon, but I want to be prepared if he does.
OK so H just called me about some money issues. My bank account is about to be majorly overdrawn. The bank is going to cover it, but in the meantime I need to use our other account (the one he is using) to make deposits and pay bills with. Anyway, he called to discuss this, and then we fought a little. It wasn't super bad fighting though. He just sat there in silence for a few minutes when I told him about the bank stuff. So I said "OK I guess I'll talk to you later." He said, "Wait! GDit I'm just trying to think!!" That did not feel good to be cussed like that. I told him not to cuss me, and I hung up the phone. He called me back a few minutes later and apologized. I told him that it was really mean to cuss me like that with everything going on. He asked what I meant so I told him about my family issues. Every time I turn around my family is talking smack about him, saying what a loser he is, etc. It just infuriates me because I defend him at every turn and tell them that he is just going through something right now. They don't understand why I would even want to try to work it out with him. I pretty much went off on a few family members today because of this stuff. I told him all of this, and he said "Well, thank you." Then I just told him I had to go and would talk to him later.
This is getting to be so hard because, like I said, my family is REALLY not understanding about me wanting to fix my marriage. They think I should just cash in my chips and walk away, but I just can't do that. I think our marriage is worth saving!
Just chiming in with an opinion here for what it is worth. You've done well the last few days "going dark". . But, now in this first convo after a few days of quiet, you informed him that you are arguing with your family for trashing him. I think that is counter-productive for you. I think it will work better if, when you do talk it is light and casual and/or business-like. Obviously you have to talk about stuff like cash flow. But, you don't want to introduce more discussion about how much everyone disapproves of him and you aren't going to get credit for sticking up for him. Plus, I'm not sure what this says about me , but I was thinking that you have a pretty low tolerance for cussing - are you all usually pretty soft-spoken in your family?
Last edited by seekpeaceofmind; 04/24/0802:40 AM.
me: 47 H: 48 he has 2 grown sons M 1995(my 1st, his 3rd) hit iceberg 6/07 S 9/26/07 before now
Plus, I'm not sure what this says about me , but I was thinking that you have a pretty low tolerance for cussing - are you all usually pretty soft-spoken in your family?
LOL!!! If you only knew! No I am not a soft spoken person, and we all have pretty bad potty mouths. It wasn't so much what he said, but the way he said it. I know I reacted badly to it, but it was just too much with all that was going on yesterday. I felt terrible because I had been defending him all day, and the first thing he does is yell at me. That is what I was reacting to.
I guess you are right that I don't win any points for defending him. I am going back into the dark now, since this encounter wasn't so great. I haven't contacted him since the convo. I have plans this weekend too, so that will help to distract me while he has the kids.
H just came by the office to pick up some materials for a job. He came in to talk to me for a few minutes. I kept it to light chit chat and talk about the kids. It went alright I guess. He seemed to want to let me know about things that were going on with him (medical stuff, work stress, etc.). I just listened and let him talk as much as he wanted. No drama at all.
, but I was thinking that you have a pretty low tolerance for cussing - are you all usually pretty soft-spoken in your family? 