I was the nat that kept buzzing "pay attention to me." Not only did I annoy him but he also felt the need to swat at me with harsh words. I quit buzzing around him and he has quit swating at me. Lesson learned.I hate that I have had to learn to detach from the one who meant the most to me.
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
Anytime she talks to you, (if you don't do this already) stop what you're doing, watch her & listen. Ask a question from her last sentence. Make noises like Hm, & really ? nod your head, & smile. You are showing her that you are now a safe person to talk to...Sometime later in the day/evening, just briefly mention that you enjoyed talking with her. .
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
You damned well better never let her down again. The heart is a fragile thing.
You understand that you can never go back, right? You understand that even after she has released you from your purgatory, the work is not done? The marriage that you are slowly building will take this same kind of loving attention EVERY day, EVERY minute.
1) FORGIVE everything W has done / is doing. This is MY CHOICE. I can choose to resent what she is doing, or let it go and forgive her. This is a huge weight lifted off of me. What she chooses is HER choice. It is MY CHOICE how I let it affect me.
2) PATIENCE - My understanding is there are 4 stages that every couple goes through. W is in stage 3. I have put my need from W completely hold. I want to give to W unconditionally for the rest of the relationship. I have faith that W will have a change in heart. I am not her enemy.
Stage 1 : ROMANTIC LOVE - Both partners ignore all the BAD in the other partner and see only the GOOD.
Stage 2 : POWER STRUGGLE - Each partner "keeps score" and resentment builds up.
Stage 3 : DISPARE - Both partners are unhappy with R. One partner cracks and wants out.
Stage 4 : TOGETHER AT LAST - Both partners have forgiven each other for issues of the past. Some people never make it here. If I am patent, I have a better chance of making it to stage 4 with W.
3) PERSONAL GROWTH - During this period away from W, I have been "looking in the mirror" and working on all my issues. I read all I can. I am FIXING all my bad habits. This will need to continue for the rest of my life.......
4) LIVE in the NOW - The past is gone. Remember and learn from it, but I will not let it control me. The future is not here, so I can not worry about that either.
5) Do work : Keep busy taking care of ME, Bills, kids, etc....
6) BALANCE: Find balance in everything. I need time alone, but also need time with kids, as well as interactions with other adults. Rest/Work/Play/Exercise.
7) EMPATHY / VALIDATION : My W has her issues. I can empathize with her, but not take it personally. I can also validate how she is feeling (This shows that I DO CARE).
8) DETACH EMOTIONALLY: It has taken awhile, but I do not let W's emotions affect me. It is my choice to be happy with or without her. If she is angry, I do not let that affect me....
9) self fulfilling prophesy - When I interact with wife, I expect her to be nice. Guess what.....
10) 100% INTENTION : I can control my thoughts, words and actions. I intend on getting to stage 4. Every interaction with W will either bring us closer or push us farther apart. I intend on drawing us closer.
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
