Oh my, has it really been that long since I posted? Have I really neglected my online friends that much? Wow! Guess I was out GAL and just didnt see how much time had passed.
SO much can happen in only a few months. Not long after I posted that, I met a truly wonderful man. We hit it off and we really clicked. We also knew to take things slow and truly get to know eachother. The more we found out the more we like one another, with the exception of one big thing....he wanted kids and I didnt. I made the hard decision to let him go. It really showed me how far I have come....the old me would have held on for dear life because we were so good together. The new me saw that it would only lead to pain and that I did not want to be the one to take his dream away.
My L sent the final draft of my divorce papers to me Friday. I contacted my STBXH to email a copy to him so that he could go over them. The next thing I know he is replying with a cryptic responce about how he has so many emotions concerning this and he now understands the mess he made and he wanted me to know he left OW. He hoped that my heart might still be open to him coming back, but he wanted to prove to me first that he was worthy. Talk about shocked. This is not what I was expecting.
He came over on Sat and we talked for 3 hours...mostly him apologising for everything he has done. He then called me Sun and wanted to let me know where he was moving to and what his plans where. He told me that he has know since Jan that he wanted to be with me and not OW, so he started an apology journal that he has been hoping to be able to give to me. Because of my strict NC, he has been respecting my boundaries and has been waiting for the right moment to tell me all of this stuff.
Today he sent me all kinds of emails and we talked again on the phone for about an hour. He has been very open to any and all of my questions and understands the feelings of complete rage I still have towards OW.
I am not going to jump into this at all. He still has so much growth to go through before he is ready for a relationship with anyone. Still, I have hope once again that maybe we are one of the ones that come through with an even better M. There are just so many conflicting emotions.....how do you regain trust? How to you start over when there was so much hurt? I am just taking it one day at a time right now, and if we were meant to be then we will be. In the mean time I am still insisting we get the D. I want to close this door before opening any other new ones. Besides, I got one heck of a settlement deal...want to make sure that is in place before we try anything.
I hope everyone is doing well and that this brings hope to someone out there. I remember all of those lonely days where I just prayed to hear a success story. Here is the thing....I am a success story, not because my H is trying to come back and fix the damamge, but because I found myself and my own happiness in this journey. I am a new and better person now and it will happen to everyone who is going through this if they do the work. Even if we dont fully get back together, I am blessed.
I am going to start posting in the Piecing section so that I can come to a better decision about what I want and how to travel the best path. Cheers!
Broken Hearted ------------------ Me - 36 H - 37 S - 8 Married - 1992 ILYNILWY - August 2007 Moved Out - March 2008 OW Revieled - May 28, 2008 Filed for D - July 2, 2008
I remember reading your posts and wondered what happened to you. You sound strong and beautiful! I just went back and read some of your older posts. I believe I'm in the same place you were - I'm tired of my H's bullsheet and just want it to be over. Trying to work with him on terms now - not going so well.
I hope you don't mind me quoting you but do you remember posting this?
Quote:
I need to read the script again because I dont know what comes next. From what I remember it is one of two things......he marries his OW as soon as possible and lives an empty, sad, shallow life that eventually becomes full of regret......or........they crash and burn and he shows up on my doorstep begging for a second chance (that is if I dont already have someone else). These two situations I have prepared for and both are the same - dont focus on his life at all, only focus on mine.
Script indeed!
Me 56 H 47 Married 21 years No children Bomb & moved out 4/07 "My feelings have changed" & "I want to live by myself". Ow Bomb 8/07 H filed 6/08 D final 2/05/10
SF....you have me giggling. I dont remember posting that but I still feel the same way. Some may not agree with what I am about to say, but this is my journey and I need to doit my way. I decided I am still going to date other people and continue my own life. If my H proves beyond a shadow of a doubt that he has turned into a quality partner and if I think I can feel safe with him, then I will try that path as well. I feel I need to "try on" different personalities so that I can see who really is right for me. After he left, I found one that was oh so close, but there is still some learning that needs to be done on my part. This does NOT mean I am out sleeping around, just simple underrstanding what is best for me.
I will check on your sitch and see if there is any advice that I might be able to give. Thanks for checking in on me.
Broken Hearted ------------------ Me - 36 H - 37 S - 8 Married - 1992 ILYNILWY - August 2007 Moved Out - March 2008 OW Revieled - May 28, 2008 Filed for D - July 2, 2008
Hi BH! Glad to hear from you. (I get anxious when peoples behavior abruptly changes.) I am glad you are doing so well. You sound like you have some good boundaries with H.
HUGS
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
please take it very very slow, make sure he wants back for the right reasons not because he is lonely and wants company, holding back a jump of victory for you, so much has passed and he's been pretty terrible to you for a long time, he needs to gain your trust. You do sound like you have your head on screwed on right so I'm hoping and praying this is for the best))))))))))))))))))))))
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
