Ready2Change (9) Divorce Papers Signed

[Ready2Change]

I let S8 make his own decision today. I did not try and control him. He had a choice between going to basketball practice (his mom is the coach) or spend day with my dad. He chose to spend time with my dad. I know W will blame me, BUT I DO NOT CARE!!! Her issue not mine. Another bench mark in my growth. If she brings it up, "Sorry you feel that way" with a smile on my face......She is unhappy and angry (and very controlling) and I am not taking her garbage anymore.....

[Gypsy]

Hey Ready..

It's great to hear about your personal growth.

How are your kids responding to having options.. doing things that are not the norm? It sounds like a great way to provide empowerment.

How do the consequences work out for the kids when they're with the other parent?

*hugs*

[K4D]

It sounds like you really do have control of your life life. Thats great. So do you think there is still a chance she will come back in the future? Or have you decided whatever happens happens? Are you moving on then but leaving the door open?

Kevin

[Ready2Change]

It sounds like you really do have control of your life life. That's great. So do you think there is still a chance she will come back in the future? Or have you decided whatever happens happens? Are you moving on then but leaving the door open?Kevin

Hi Kevin,

Thanks for stopping in.....

I have full control of my life. I have full control of raising my kids during my parenting time. IT IS GREAT!!!

I don't think she will come back. I am moving on. I will always do my best with what I know. What is best for my kids??? "To have two loving parents as role models". I have full control of my thoughts, words and actions. I can not control W. I can just be a good role model......I have faith that she will have a change of heart (based on human nature), but I can not let that stop me. She may not. I have accepted that.

I am working on me. I know what I need/want out of a R. If W comes back, I will have lots of boundaries and requirements before I take her back, I will let her choose if she is willing to do the work....

I am moving on. I will date women. I will have my boundaries. I will be aware of the red flags. I am not looking for a committed R with other women, rather just getting out, having fun and enjoying who they are as well as enjoying the moments we spend together......Practice Practice, Practice....

[Ready2Change]

Here is short/condensed list of things that have worked for me:

) Learn from others - books,books,books and listening with a beginners (open) mind.
) Work on me - I have 100% control of my thoughts, my words and my actions - I choose to make them positive.
) No intentions / no expectations
) Pass out what I want to receive (this is a universal law)
) STOP doing what DOES NOT WORK - do more of what works
) Do 180's - Change the things I don't like about myself - Things spouse said gave me good insight into what I need to do - At first the changes felt very uncomfortable. They soon become part of who I am.
) Forgiveness - Forgive myself and other for any PERCEIVED hurtful things that have happened - do not harbor resentment (It is not helpful).
) Patience - things continually change. Things will get better as long as I don't fuel the fire.
) Kindness - Be kind to everyone, even the people that I perceive as hurting me
) Empathy --> "I am sorry you feel that way"--"I understand you feel that way" - "It must be hard to feel that way" -"I see" 'Mmmmm"......
) 100% focused on listening / understanding - remember details
) Be here now - Enjoy right now - no reason to let the past control me or the fear of the future control me
) Emotional Raincoat - Spouse has repressed most of her anger for 40 years. Since I love her, I will willingly let her vent that anger at me and not take it personal.
) Detachment - I do not let others emotional garbage become mine. I let them own there garbage. I own my own.
) Reward positive behavior, ignore the negative - Focus on the positives and let the negatives roll past with out reacting

[smartcookie]

Go check out ping, he's back, living your worst nightmare. He's in surviving.

Did you have cookies tonight ??

I had the headache from hell all day today.

Happy Friday !

bsp hugs

[Ready2Change]

I have been MIA for a while getting a life and doing work.

Our wedding was on 2/15/97. I made it through most of yesterday with a very positive attitude.

I went to the movies at 7PM and watched "Grand Terino". There was a sad scene that triggered the tears. I got home and let them flow for a while. It took about 30 minutes before it dawned on my that I was sad about the end of the marriage etc... vs the scene in the movie that triggered the "over reaction".....

Anyways, feel the feeling and process them....I am getting healthier.....

[LucasE]

Thanks for the update. I've been keeping an eye out for you. You are blazing my trail and I need you to do it well. We must prevail. It is the only way to win. Please don't just hang in there, like I'm barely doing. Make this new path be the best one for you. And then show me how to do it. No pressure. HA.

Thanks again. For all of your journaling.

L

[kassie]

R2C,

I sent out an SOS yesterday - had a fit. Needed everyone's support. Just found out how to contact you. Been receiving your hugs. Sending some back at you!

Read my posts from yesterday at your own risk. I really let go. I yelled so loud I woke Silva up in the UK. How's that for a holler? T stayed with me til I went to sleep dearheart that she is. Was offered the night shift again from her but I am ok now.

[Ready2Change]

It has been 1 year (and 6 days) since the bomb. The D is finalized. It is time to let my emotions out again. I stuffed them down during the D process.

My wedding anniversary was Feb 15th. I did good keeping busy and GAL. I went to the movies and watched "Grand Torino". A scene in the move was very sad. It "triggered" an overwhelming sadness response in me. I chose to let it stay and not stuff it down. I let the feelings stay and went home. If felt good to let the tears flow. After wards, I realized I was sad about the M ending.

I also watched "fireproof" a few days ago. It triggered more tears.

Baby Goal with MsR2C: She has hung up on me about 20 times over the past year. She hung up on me last week, but then sent a "Sorry for hanging up on you". Positive steps (slower than you would ever imagine)

Baby goal with MsR2C: She actually answered the phone when I called to speak with kids (I was kinda in shock and I didn't even recognize her voice!)

I am in a good place and easily and cheerfully answer the phone when she calls.