Board Policies

[Michele Weiner-Davis]

Dear DB'ers,

We have recently updated our board rules by more clearly defining our policies concerning a few things. We'd like to remind everyone that use of these messageboards requires acceptance of the following terms and conditions:

- Participants shall not post any material that is likely to cause offense, is protected by copyright, trademark or other proprietary right - or that contains personal contact information, phone numbers, email addresses, or any other addresses.
- Participants shall treat each other with respect, refraining from rudeness and foul language.
- Participants may not use the forums to post or transmit advertisements or commercial solicitations of any kind.
- The forum Administrators and Moderators have the right to edit, move, censor, delete or otherwise modify any posted message.
- This web site does not verify or guarantee the accuracy of the material posted to the forums or bear any responsibility for any loss, damage, or other liabilities caused by any posted message.

This is a public forum. Exchanging private contact information with other users is not allowed. Our purpose in making this messageboard available to you is to offer you a place to publicly give and receive DivorceBusting help, and to support one another in saving your marriages and keeping your families together. It was never our intention to provide a means of privately connecting with others via the internet. There are many other sites where that is encouraged. This is not one of them. We are here to help and support you via this public forum.

We welcome you and appreciate your cooperation in honoring these policies.

[quiet]

I am new to writing on this website and not sure how to get started help?
quiet

[JCJ]

Hi quiet,

Go into the newcomers section, where you found this thread, and click 'new topic' on the top left and then right your story. You will find lots of help and support here.

[Ready2Change]

Good guidelines for posting:

The best kinds of threads are:

1) Poster-specific. Your "home" thread. STICK TO IT, post to it regularly (even if you're not getting a lot of responses), as it's a good journal for yourself and it's therapeutic.

2) Topic-specific. You can OCCASIONALLY supplement your main thread with one that's topic-specific, such as "She's Back on The Pill -- Cause for Alarm??" or some such. The more provocative the title, the more response you'll probably get.

Keep your posts short to medium, use lots of paragraph breaks, and JUST KEEP POSTING. And post to others.

Hope that helps,

Puppy

[Ready2Change]

You really should get a VERY DETAILED signature so people can better help you. This forum is high traffic and we need to get summaries so we can help you quickly...

[Dagny-2]

Is there a how to page around here for posting?

For example, in this quick reply, if I type too much, I can no longer see what I'm writing, is there a way around that?

Also, people make these nice short quote boxes, how is that done? When I try to quote, the whole thing gets copied and I then have to delete what I don't want. But others have them throughout their posts with nice replies after each quote.

Thanks for the help!

[Virtually_Handsome]

When your post is bigger than the box you should be able to scroll though it, or use the scroll bar on the right of the post. I don't know that there is any way to make the actual box larger.

As far as quoting, it's a matter of typing [ quote] and [ /quote] (without the extra space after the first bracket, on either side of the quote you want. You can either copy in sections, or quote the whole thing, and add the tags to quote the different sections. the key is for every start quote, there is an end quote (the one with the /. Practice a bit, and you'll figure it out!

[dbmod]

^

[2stepboogie]

This question is to the moderators.......

Sometimes I post needing some advice and comfort but my post or respond to someone does not show up for several days. I started a thread about 5 days ago and still don't see it. I don't get it.

[dbmod]

Hi Adae,
There are no posts in cue at this time. I did 'bump' the threads you started and the thread you posted on, that should help you see them.

[sparks14]

I posted a new thread in the infidelity section yesterday, but it told me that it had to be approved by the moderators. How long does this process usually take. I am in a dire situation, so the communication needs to come quickly.

Thanks!

[dbmod]

You have no posts in cue. You may need to try again.

[sparks14]

thanks dbmod. i will try again.

[dbmod]

REMINDER TO EVERYONE--

We are here to help, but the board is not for emergencies. If you need expert help, please call the divorcebusting center:

303-444-7004 or 800-664-2435, or your local crisis center, as appropriate.

[Denver_2010]

Hi Adae,
There are no posts in cue at this time. I did 'bump' the threads you started and the thread you posted on, that should help you see them.

Dbmod - I submitted a bunch of posts last night that haven't shown up. Are they lost in cyberspace? Also, I haven't heard back from Virginia. Think that she didn't get my email?

Thanks!

Denver_2010

[Denver_2010]

Good morning Virginia. I am emailing you to see if I can get my account restored so that my posts are allowed to show up immediately after I submit them.

I know that I screwed up by violating one of the board policies 2 weeks ago, but it won't happen again.

I appreciate you help with this.

Thanks - Denver_2010

[mj144]

Can something please be done about holding onto Denver's posts. When they finally get released, this round almost 24 hours after the fact, they are causing all of our threads to be bumped way back.

[MsRae]

Are we allowed to discuss alt world and friending on FB?

[Jack_Three_Beans]

If you want to post here I wouldn't MsRae.

[MsRae]

That's why I asked! Thank you.

[sparks14]

Hey mods. I notified a post of mine that I wished to be deleted last week, but it does not look like it was touched. How can we go about doing that? Thanks in advance!

[Jack_Three_Beans]

I only got the power of Gray Skull in MLC Sparks. Here, I'm just poaching.

[Jack_Three_Beans]

Try notify again and include a reason as to why. Maybe?

[sparks14]

Thanks Jack. I included a reason in the original. Once you notify, it will not allow you to notify again.

Mods??

[dbmod]

I have been out for a bit. I think I've got it. Please check.

[sparks14]

Thanks, man. You got it.

[dbmod]

excellent

[ESN]

How long does it take to see a post? I posted two days ago - one was long, and I haven't seen it on the boards yet.

[ESN]

just wondering what happened to my posts.

[ESN]

Thanks, I got one post in newcomers and a response on someone else's post but I don't see the long one that I posted in SSM.

[dbmod]

There is a different moderator on that forum, and it may be delayed.

[ESN]

Ah, okay. Thanks!!

[ESN]

Can I PM the mod? It's still not there-

[OnMyWay]

How long before the moderation limitations end? Is it after a certain number of posts? Or perhaps some sort of "trust" algorithm built-in which determines when moderation is no longer required?

Just wondering. Get's a little difficult to keep posting when they don't show up for a while.

[dbmod]

OMW-
It isn't automatic. It's individual. We try to approve posts within 24 hours. I apologize for the inconvenience.

[OnMyWay]

I find mine take about 48 hours. Perhaps I just write too much and they take a lot longer to read. Thanks for the reply.

[dbmod]

It has nothing to do with the length of your posts, OMW--it has more to do with moderator time and number of posts in cue. I apologize for the delay. Newcomers always has a large number of posts in cue.

[barnaby]

Hi there

I have a post from 2/3 days ago and another from yesterday, neither of which have shown up and my thread is now on page 7 in Newcomers.

Would someone have a check on it for me please?

[mairead]

hi i am new to divorce busting. how do you post?

[Sawi]

Hi I am new here and I tried to post a new thread on Tuesday May 31st but it hasn't appeared yet.How long before a new post will appear here?

[donnaf]

Hi, i seem to be missing 2 posts. My side bar says i've made 11 posts but i only have 9 showing. Is there any problems with them?
Thanks

[dbmod]

I see 12,including this one, and none are pending approval. Nine of them are part of one thread. The other three are part of different threads. I will bump them to make them easier for you.

In the future--click on your name. Then on 'show users posts'. You will see everything that has been approved.

[dazed_&_confused]

dbmod, sorry to be a pain but is there anyway to speed up approval of my posts?

[2stepboogie]

dmod,

Can someone please tell me why I have been moderated all of sudden?

I don't believe I have broken any board policies but if I have please explain which one so that I do not do it again.

thanks
2step

[lifejustgothard2]

How long do are posts stay up? I have a lot of good advice given to me from people here and like to go back and read them. Is there a way to save them?

[Blown away]

How long does it take to post a topic I started. I could really use the help asap.

Thanks

[MadeToSucceed]

What does it take for me to be able to be unmoderated? I have a topic but it seems like the delay in my posts always pushes me to the 2nd page and beyond when it finally shows up in Newcomers. I've only had dbmod respond to my post and can't get the assistance and/or support I'm looking for. I've done two calls so far with Leni and each time she asks me what the community has said...but the community isn't saying anything because I'm fully moderated and they hardly see my posts...what do I need to do?

[SadSadGrl]

I'm new to this community. I made a post, but I'm not seeing it. Could you check your Q to see if it's still there, please?

[dbmod]

Hi Sad-

All newbies are fully moderated at first. Our goal to release posts is 24 hours. I apologize for the inconvenience.

[MadeToSucceed]

dbmod,

I notified you of an adjustment I desperately need made to a post that I put up in my thread (Can I save my marriage? (long; please be patient) http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2166696#Post2166696). It's very important to me that this adjustment be made. Did you receive the notification and are you able to help me out with that?

[Rick1963]

I posted my story yesterday. How long does it take to be approved or denied?

[Lis007]

I posted my story yesterday. How long does it take to be approved or denied?

Its a shame that there isnt a guide thats sent out to you so you know what to expect huh? It takes courage to join and share and then you are left with no response.

[dbmod]

I apologize. We strive for 24 hour approval and we're close right now.

With a good posting history you will be off full moderation in short order.

[aj ktr]

help i need some my life seems over i need advice to stop my divorce im devestatd my wife is in love with someone else ive been married 11 yrs been with her for 17. I have three beautiful daughters who dont deserve this.

aj ktr help me please

[Kiki11]

Hi I posted a new topic yesterday, it said it's awaiting moderation, but I still can't see it. How long does this process take?
Thank you.

[love_is_a_trip]

I'm sure there are good reasons for moderating. When I was a member here many years gone by, under a different id that I can't even recall. Moderation was not part of the process. Sort of sad. I recall the incredible feelings of despair when I was in the throws of divorce. 24hrs felt like a lifetime and the littlest things, like a response from someone, brought some essence of calm.

Might I suggest that moderators bump postings to the top so at least they don't fall off page 1. Or possibly a methodology for users to verify who they are to moderators. Allowing them to be removed from the moderation list sooner... Just some thoughts. I can see some people are frustrated and I understand their pain.

[dbmod]

Excellent ideas. We actually have discussed some of your same ideas, and when I remember, I do try to bump posts.

Thanks for your ideas!

[love_is_a_trip]

So how about this. New users who agree to provide a cell number get a txt back with a code. They can enter the code into the site and be removed from the moderator list. That way if they get their id revoked you have a cell number on file to cross reference, should they attempt getting a new id.

[luvhurts49]

Why can't I edit my signature? No matter what I put into the field, it says I need to shorten it.

[TMC25]

dbmod- why r my posts not showing up?

[PERSEVERANCE]

Hi, how long does it normally take for your post to show?- I just started... I didn't see my post & re-posted my story. I don't want to annoy anyone or have a duplicate. Thanks

[Ajay]

Well to start with it seems to take forever. I waited three days for some of mine to show. I filled in the waiting time by adding to the thread as I thought of new stuff.

[Cadet]

Hi, how long does it normally take for your post to show?- I just started... I didn't see my post & re-posted my story. I don't want to annoy anyone or have a duplicate. Thanks

Have some patience, something you need to learn in DB'ing

After so many posts you will be off moderation.
Post smaller amounts until then.
Have faith that they will show up.

While you are waiting read other peoples stories, and some of the resources here, you are not the first one or the last to go through this.

It will get better but everything takes TIME.

[Oneeleven]

This question is to the moderators.......

Sometimes I post needing some advice and comfort but my post or respond to someone does not show up for several days. I started a thread about 5 days ago and still don't see it. I don't get it.

I am in the same situation. I read that newbies' posts get moderated and it takes more time for them to be seen.
At what stage do you get to see your posts more quickly?
Thank you
111

[dbmod]

^

[BFloat]

What does the thumbs down sign next to my post mean? Am I in trouble?

[sayitaintso]

lol @ BF^^^^

[tonibertha]

[testquote]

[tonibertha]

how do you quote. doesn't work for me

[Cadet]

how do you quote. doesn't work for me

Answered on your thread

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2242954#Post2242954

[scaredsilly]

i tried to use the private message button but it's disabled. is there a way to ask a member a question other than posting it?

[Starsky309]

No, unfortunately. PMs have been disabled and not allowed here, as a matter of forum policy.


Starsky

[CJ83]

Just by chance did my post hit moderation? Just making sure it went in at least

[dscl]

Hi-

I posted in newcomers about two days ago and only one of them has shown, any ideas when the other will be up. Concern because my post is now past page three and I would really like to see responses from other members.

Thanks.

[NotGivingUp!]

The forum will not allow me to enter a single character for my signature...much less a detailed signature. Thoughts?
Thx,
NotGivingUp!

[NotGivingUp!]

Finally have a signature on the forum.

[Mrs D]

Hey Mods - i posted one yesterday - how long does it usually take to be approved, and is it even there?? thank you!!

[dbmod]

Hi Forever -- we strive for 48 hours, summertime can take longer. I apologize for the delay and we appreciate your patience.

[dbmod]

^

[RosaLinda]

Finally have a signature on the forum.

How did you do it? When I add even one character, I get a message that my signature is too long! Does it have something to do with being on moderation?

Thanks
Linda M

[Mimi00]

I've posted 6 times in the last 3 days (reflected in my profile), started my own thread, the rest were replies---I can't see anything I've posted. When I go to "My Stuff" >>> "Posts", nothing.

Is there a set number of posts I need to make in order to get out of moderation, waiting for a mod to have time to be online to clear stuff is hard. No other forums I am a part of moderate in this specific way, so I am clueless.

[Cadet]

Finally have a signature on the forum.

How did you do it? When I add even one character, I get a message that my signature is too long! Does it have something to do with being on moderation?

Thanks
Linda M

I believe that you need a minumum number of posts to have a signature.

It might be 10, but I am not totally sure of the number.

[dbmod]

Your signature ability happens concurrently with your approval as a member/poster. There is no set number of posts. It occurs with a good posting history.

[Muse]

I am a new poster, and I have to find a little humour in this. I think a partof what got my marriage not trouble is not having enough patience.....so having to wait for post approval is a small step in learning a bit of patience. ;-)

[melissag]

Dear Mods,

I apologize for whatever I did that caused me to be placed on moderation. I did read the rules and thought that my posts were within them; apparently I was incorrect. I will be sure to post nothing even remotely questionable in the future. Please, please would you be so kind as to take me off moderation? This board has been my lifeline through the most difficult time in my life, and if I may say so, I think that my support has been valuable to others as well. As I am sure you are aware, it is difficult to give and receive advice and support when on moderation.

Thank you for your consideration.

melissag

[Bunches]

How would one know if they were on moderation? I have posted several times recently and even days later I don't see my messages show up. I'm guessing I haven't been approved yet. I take it we just wait and keep sending out posts and eventually...?

[MamaB]

Yes Bunches, you will see your posts in real time soon. Just keep posting!

[Old Dog]

I've got a list of 'resources for feeling better' my therapist gave me that may be of use to people, particularly newcomers. There are about 2 pages of them. A couple of examples are:

Keep a gratitude journal: brain research shows that daly writing down 5 things we are grateful for improves brain functioning and elevates mood.

Go for a walk / move your body even if just for a minute! Moving physically moves us emotionally - this is why it is called emotion.

Would this be allowed? And if so where should I post it?

[HeadUp]

I haven't been able to post anything for 2 days now. Can this please be looked at?