...She was going to go out with the guy and I got mad and told her I was takin the car keys and that this was bullshit.
We both raced up the stairs and she started grabbing and clawing at me so I pushed her off of me. Then I get in the bedroom and she starts hitting me and smacking me from behind in the head so I turned around and tripped her to get her to stop.
We both called the cops and no action was taken I ended up calling a buddy and stayed there.
She admitted she wanted to date the dude but was simply waiting to get out of the house. I told her that was an empotional affair and was just as bad. Then she told me she tried to make it work etc. I told her it wasnt easy for me to that her emotional rollercoaster she puts me through avery 6 weeks was unbearable. THen I said it didnt have to end this way etc but i guess its over now.
I just got back from my buddies.
I spoe with her briefly and we are both going to talk later after I take my son to school and I see my counselor. It really seemed like all the emotion was gone for both of us. I feel releived because I got it all out and stood up for myself.
Also as I was leaving I called her "not boyfriend" and told him he could have her. He was indignant at first, saying [censored] like shes married we haven't done [censored], I told him that I knew he wanted to date her because she told me so and to stop the bullshit.
I wish ther were a way to fix this now but I doubt it.
My buddies wife was telling me that this is probably what needed to happen to fix it. That I needed to stand up to her and thats what it took for her. She said it got way worse ( like this before it got better).
I dunno I'd like to believe that my standing up for myself will turn this [censored] around eventually but the fact it got physical and the cops were called I doubt it.
Are you serious, what do you mean by turning around and tripping her, did you kick her in the legs or something?!
Seriously?
Bro, self-control.
As soon as she lifted a finger against you, call the cops, you don't turn around and trip her or whack her legs or whatever else you did.
Yes you stood up for yourself but getting angry and emotional with her (you're response was very emotional) made you no better than her.
I would have offered her the keys, told her "have fun tonight, when you get back, all of your stuff will be out in the driveway in boxes, you might as well move out and live with him. If you're willing to openly cheat on your husband, I think you're ready to live on your own."
You don't tell the kids by yourself either.
You tell her that you will tell them together.
Give her a week or two and tell her she has to move out.
You don't get into shoving matches, pushing each other, clawing, grabbing, "tripping", and whatever else you ended up doing. You're not in grade 2, I'm assuming you can act like an adult. I don't care how your wife acted, yes she's floopy, yes she's a fruitcake, but you are NOT her, you are you, you can control what you do, you can control your actions.
We told our son together and it went pretty well. Despite our problems we parent well together and we supported each other.
No wI am unsure how to move forward.
I am done unless her behavior changes. Obviously she says she is done to.
THis morning though she told our son that she didn't think this was going to happen that it happened by accident. That she had been thinking about it bt util I found out about the other guy she wasn't planning on acting on it.
I guess I go back to working on myself. I would like to reconcile but I am not going to tell her that. I have to wait until she approaches me. My friends all think that reality is about to hit her full force in the face as she slowly gets cut of from my purse strings and she tries to figure out how to make it on her own.
One thing is for certain I have allowed to much she to just happen. Her behavior is totally unacceptable and needs to change. That said I don't know if she'll ever come around (not that I am going to wait for it or ask) even though several of my friends think she will once the real world starts beating her down.
I just go back to working my program and doing my own thing. I suppose thats the last resort technique.
THis morning though she told our son that she didn't think this was going to happen that it happened by accident. That she had been thinking about it bt util I found out about the other guy she wasn't planning on it.
This is her way of justifying her poor choices and bad decisions.
Trying really hard be strong and not beg again. I am angry to but right now I feel like begging again. WTF is wrong with me?
Because you feel it is hopeless right now. It's not hopeless, this feeling will pass - do not act on it.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
Trying really hard be strong and not beg again. I am angry to but right now I feel like begging again. WTF is wrong with me?
Because you feel it is hopeless right now. It's not hopeless, this feeling will pass - do not act on it.
It does feel hopeless, we know. It will pass. DO NOT beg and plead with her. It will not help anything. Has it helped thus far?
Come here often and let your anger, sadness, frustration, whatever out but don't do it in front of her. You are strong and confident. That's what she needs to see.
Shes really pissed I took control of the budget. She's saying because we're married I owe her. lol
Ask her if you can use that line regarding her dating other men, seriously ask her.
"Because we're married I owe you?! Really by that logic then because we're married YOU owed me better than dating other men and cheating on me. Thanks for trying... but no thanks just the same."
Oh thats the funny opart we were discussing the other man and she said "Im not dating him. I wasnt going to until I left here. I definitlu would like to after I leave but I woldnt while I'm here"
