WAS script. If you're not sure what I'm saying, just look up some of my old stuff frm back around July August last year. We've all heard it. Sake Shtuff, different day.
She brought me up on domestic assault charges. All my cop friends think it'll be dismissed because the police didn't arrest anyone at the time and it was "mutual combat".
When I told her that she was [censored] herself because I might lose my job from this she was surprised and talked about trying to drop the charges. You can't drop them in my state though you have to go to court once they are pressed no matter what.
Last night I was telling her our son is going to have to leave private school because we can't afford it with this [censored] going on. She said that she would home school him before she'd send him to public. I was like wtf how are you going to do that you have to work and pay rent etc. She was like oh yeah.. uhmm..
Then she started saying that I was trying to intimidate her with the money and that we could go back to how we were doing things before with the finances in the meantime.
She keeps saying says she has "rights" when I say I am taking over the finances.
I dunno if there's any chance at saving this. I hope there is, I really do love her and she can be wonderful but so much would have to change now that I dunno. Plus of course she has to come to that idea on her own to.
I think her friend was trying to hint to me there might be some doubts on her side but I'm not sure. Also there was some minor snoopin gon my part nd she was texting her "not boyfriend" something about a broken heart. I know I know thats all mind readiing lol..
There can always be hope. Divorce doesn't even mean that it's all over. Just think of everything from here on out as new. BUT! She needs to cut this OM out completely, and be 100% transparent in all she does for you before there can be any chance. In the meantime, when she brings up things like homesxhooling, had it been me, I would have asked her how she's going to do that when I have full custody? Is your state no-fault? Shock
Another thing her brothers GF contacted me on facebook when I changed my status to single. She hasn't told any of her family. I just told her that:
- my wife was leaving me - that my wife needed to talk to them about it but I don't think shes ready - that a lot of bad stuff happened - that I wasn't sure we could save it ( "it would take a miracle" ) - to keep praying and thanked her for her support.
Concerning y state I am screwed I supported her for so long she's going to get a huge chunk of my salary and she'll get custody because she was the primary caregiver. I haven't told her that byu thats the reality provided she doesn't get a dui or busted for drugs or something.
So in addition to working the last resort technique should I be pushing for getting this over asap? Does that send the wrong marriage? I mean I really want her to move out if this is how shes going to act. Should I keep pushing for that or just do my own thing?
Also I am going to keep doing my 180's. Frankly I likethem, she's right I lost some of myself over the years. I'm enjoying wearing nicer clothes, exploring music & spirituality, and grooming my self better (skin care/contacts/etc) .
You don't need to kick her out, but you can tell her you are not going to live in an open marriage where you are sharing your wife. You can tell her that if she is going to choose, and I stress her choice, to date another man, then she needs to move out and your son will be staying because you want him to be raised with good morals. And dating other people while married is not good morals and quite frankly someone making very bad decisions and bad choices. Again, her choice. You cannot force her to do anything.
- asking if there might still be hope? You still don't get it, moving on with your life and letting go of the need for "hope" is what will get you where you need to be.
You are so attached it's not even funny.
Why do you need to see a lawyer about pressing charges on her? She went to the cops and filed a domestic assault charge on you, you do the same, if you don't, it's because you're afraid of the consequences, she apparently wasn't afraid - she's confident enough to do it, why can't you man up and do the same thing? I don't understand, it's because you're afraid of losing her, I get it but you don't get that she isn't afraid of losing you and it's that mentality that keeps you stuck to her, if you could apply that same mindset to her, you would get similar results.
- file domestic assault charges against her, if she did all that you say she did, you'll have no problems filing the charge against her - if she's txting her boyfriend on a cell phone that you pay for, cancel the contract or take the phone from her and cancel it - as for the finances, she needs to get real about how things will be working, you don't have to pay for things that you don't want to pay for, ie. her going out with the other guy, a cell phone used to contact him with, etc. - when she says that she has rights, you agree with her, you tell her "I know you have rights, but you make it sound like I don't have rights, I do have rights, and I won't let you walk all over me anymore, you don't have that right anymore" - as far as custody of your kid(s), so what if she's been the primary caregiver all this time, when you split up, things will change, that is one of them, you keep assuming that every good thing will happen to her because of this and every bad thing will happen to you, you need to snap out of that funk of yours, it's friggen deressing (she will get this, and she will get that, blah, blah, blah), you sound like a broken record - you can file for joint custody, fathers are getting joint custody, especially when they pursue it and want it and can show that they're good fathers, why do you assume that you can't? Are you a horrible father? If you u want joint custody, you can get it, you don't have to settle for what she gives you, who told you that you had to?
You will sell your house or move out of your apartment and get your own place to live for you and your kids, she will have to do the same. If you think you will be expected to pay for her entire living expenses as well as your own, you're mistaken.
How old are you anyways and how old is she? By the way you talk, you sound very young so I can't assume you've been married that long, how long do you think you will have to support her? For life? why?
Screw that head on straight and start thinking clearly and stop feeling so bad for yourself and stop feeling so bad about yourself. Things aren't as bad as they seem.
And for god's sake, stop hanging on to hope like you're going to die tomorrow or something.
It's not attractive, it's repulsive, it probably has the same effect on your wife.
Stand up for yourself, no more bs, this is how life is going to go for you now, if she doesn't want to be with you anymore, great, show her the door and wish her a good life, if she wants to be with another man, great, show her the door and wish her a good life, and get yourself a new girl who appreciates you better than this one obviously does.
robx I've looked at the divorce law here in Virginia and I am not joking when I say thats how it probably will be. Will I fight it? Of course I will but the reality is that most of the time in a situation like mine she gets what I said.
As far as filing charges against her, I have no qualms about doing it if its for a good reason but I don't think it will achieve anything. If my lawyer says I should I will otherwise I think its best to just focus on my defense. The reality of the matter from talking to two police officers is that the charges will be dismissed.
As far as standing up for myself etc. I am. I am taking the budget and turning her [censored] off. After i speak with a lawyer I will no better where I stand as far as what I am obligated to provide and not obligated.
Now do I secretly hope that she'll come around? Yes of course is that bad? I do want to work it out. I'm not going to jump on it if she says it, and I am not going to accept this bullshit from her anymore. She will never walk all over me again.
I am showing her the door. I told her last night more [censored] we're stopping ( ie private school cant afford it because of this).
I HEAR YOU ROBX!!!
After the incident it really all became clear. She doesn't respect me at all. I don't want her if its going to be a status quo. However I do love her ( i dont say that anymore to her though) and I do want to work it out if she's willing to work for change.
Also I am willing to work on her complaints to that I felt were legit.
Honestly I am having fun with my 180's and I'm going out tonight with friends. For the first time in 2 weeks [censored] seems pretty clear.
Respect me, dump you "not boyfriend", and work for change or GTFO because I am better than this.
