I've thought a lot about the mistakes I've made the last month. I had been doing a decent job of DBing, not great, but decent. Then I got a bit impatient. Did the Gucci/Robx thing, and got some reaction. And then changed back 100% to the old, clinging, pursuing, R talking fool. All because I thought it had worked, and I didn't really need to DB anymore. Doh!
I've thought long and hard about why I wanted to move out. Had a lot of convos with tons of people, on the boards, friends, family, etc. And realized that it was yet another tactic, a passive aggressive tactic to change how my wife felt. That of COURSE she would miss me. Even though I would be paying for her house, her expenses, doing most of the parenting, all while trying to live an ascetic monk life.
And then I realized that I had been holding onto the rope sooo hard. I had even forgotten why I was holding on.
So yesterday I came home for lunch, and told my wife simply that "I wasn't leaving my home. You do what you need to do, but this is my home, and I'm not leaving it."
She asked me if she had done anything to make me feel unwelcome in the house (WTH???), and I said "no, I just like my home, and I want to stay here."
She said she didn't believe me, that it must have been something she said. I said no, you do what you need to do.
And then I left. No more R talks.
When I came home from work, she was a bit cool, but spoke during dinner. After putting the girls to bed, I went to read in bed (have a cold coming on) and watch the World Series. W never came to bed, slept on the sofa.
Around 6am she came to bed without a word. I got up an hour later, dressed, said goodbye to my daughters, and told W to have a good day.
So to all my fellow Pinheads, before you make any big decisions, really think about your motivations. It's hard, we're in our own fog, but really think and measure your thoughts and feelings.
I've been following along without much to offer as I waffle back and forth myself. I understand how you felt/feel.
A couple months ago, I was ready to file. In fact, my L has the papers ready for me to sign. Right or wrong, I want her to be the one to pull the trigger. That may change in the future and I will have to be the one to do it to fully protect me and the kids.
I want the ride to stop. I want her to leave. As hard as it is being around her the way she is, I have chosen to stay when most people-friends, family, etc.-have said they couldn't do what I have done and am still doing.
You have gotten a ton of responses and someone said it was because of how much you post and help others. I have to agree. I'm not much of a wordsmith but I post as much as I'm comfortable with and if I think I can help at all. Please keep it up and never give up. We all benefit by having you around.
Just to be clear. I didn't stay as any form of 'standing' or anything like that. I just like my house. It is my home, has my stuff in it, my daughters live here.
My wife can do what she wants, within respectable limits. She's free to go, our house has three doors she can choose from.
Just to be clear. I didn't stay as any form of 'standing' or anything like that. I just like my house. It is my home, has my stuff in it, my daughters live here.
My wife can do what she wants, within respectable limits. She's free to go, our house has three doors she can choose from.
Those are the best reasons, don't let anyone tell you different.
Your wife can do what ever she wants, even if that means she wants out of the marriage, just like you can do what you want to do which means stopping doing things to impress or get her to change her mind, that never works.
