My old thread was over 120 replies and I am back from vacation. So - it's a good breaking point and probably best to start a new thread before the old gets locked. The links to the old threads are above. Not creative at all on the title. Just a sequel.
My S and I drove back from NC yesterday. Took our time getting back. I took my S by the New River bridge in WV just for the heck of it. He was about as impressed as a 10 year old would be.
We got back around 8:15. Unfortunately, the dog had made several messes around the house I had to clean up. My W was watching the dog, but leaving her at the house during the day. I guess my vague response to her email asking when we would be home backfired on me. My W stops by about 5 minutes after we got home. She apologized for the dog's mishaps. As usual, I was able to be positive and upbeat around her. My S and I told her about some of things we did on vacation. I even got to brag about making bacon and eggs for my S - she asked about it. The significance of this is this is something I've never done before, and I don't eat eggs myself. She noticed and complimented a new shirt (UNC) I had picked up on vacation.
Later on after we had eaten dinner, I got a call from my W. She had locked her keys in her car. So my S and I went down to her apartment to get her keys out of the car. Another pleasant interaction.
Today my S just laid back a bit. I had taken the day off before going back to work tomorrow. I went for a 20 mi. bike ride this morning. I took my S to the eye doctor and he's going to need glasses.
My W picked my S up after work. So this wonderful time I had with my S has come to a close. Another pleasant interaction.
With all of these interactions, she has not brought up the D. I believe it is still looming. She was supposed to meet with the L last week but so far she hasn't said anything about it. We also need to have a serious financial discussion for the interim finances. I had given her some numbers on some things before vacation and I will be spearheading that discussion in the next few days.
Thanks, DG. The pleasant interactions with my W are nice and very frustrating at the same time. I wonder if this would all be easier to swallow if we were fighting constantly.
First day back at work today. I stuck around the house this morning and just worked remotely until my W dropped off my S and he was later picked up by his babysitter du jour. So I rolled into the office pretty late today. I will probably need to work remotely later on today. My stress / anxiety level is at a slow smoldering level so far today.
I'll be glad when I finally get my routine down. I don't care what my W says about the "new normal", but I think it [censored] on multiple levels.
The pleasant interactions with my W are nice and very frustrating at the same time. I wonder if this would all be easier to swallow if we were fighting constantly.
I think you know the answer to that, and you're probably saying that with sarcasm.
I just read another thread where the H is so confused by his WAW being occasionally nice with hugs & kisses. To me, it's obvious that she's trying to show him that they can get D and still be the best of friends. Much like petting the dog's head as you walk out the door to leave him.
Here is what I see in the majority of posts from LBH's. I see the WAW showing enough "niceness" (usually trying to get her H to go along & be nice and give her a D). However, so many men misread that message and thinks her niceness must mean she's having second thoughts about a D. So, his hopes start rising and then she has to act cold or nasty in order to bring him back to reality.
Maybe what you are thinking is that when she is being civil....you hurt more than when she's being really mean. Maybe you're thinking that if you were fighting, then you'd be mad instead of hurting.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
I think you know the answer to that, and you're probably saying that with sarcasm.
There's some truth to that.
Originally Posted By: sandi2
Maybe what you are thinking is that when she is being civil....you hurt more than when she's being really mean. Maybe you're thinking that if you were fighting, then you'd be mad instead of hurting.
I'd say there's some truth to this as well.
The pleasant interactions are really a mixed bag. I try to take some small positives from them. However, they also create suspicion of her trying to get me to buy in to the D, as you mentioned above. I need a stronger indicator than that to think she's having second thoughts about the D.
Here is what I see in the majority of posts from LBH's. I see the WAW showing enough "niceness" (usually trying to get her H to go along & be nice and give her a D). However, so many men misread that message and thinks her niceness must mean she's having second thoughts about a D. So, his hopes start rising and then she has to act cold or nasty in order to bring him back to reality.
Aint this the truth. I know it happened to me. My W still intends to complete the D.
Originally Posted By: jbnati
The pleasant interactions are really a mixed bag. I try to take some small positives from them. However, they also create suspicion of her trying to get me to buy in to the D, as you mentioned above. I need a stronger indicator than that to think she's having second thoughts about the D.
This is a fine line to walk. On one hand you do not want to bring up the M/R. On the other hand you are trying to decipher what are "baby steps" and what is the WAW just trying to ease her way to an easy transition.
It can be very frustrating.
Overall you are doing well JB.
Me:45 ExW:48 M:04/97 3 Bombs & 2 ReCons 1st BD 11/10 D Finalized 4/20 D-16 S-14 Going in one more round when you don't think you can. That's what makes all the difference in life.~Rocky Balboa
I have been in a bit of a funk the last couple of days. I don't know whether it's just post-vacation funk, related to my sitch, or what.
I feel like I really haven't been able to establish a good routine around the house. There's just so much to do when you have to do it by yourself. Before vacation, I had been going to bed extremely late (1:30-2:00) on work nights and I have picked that right back up when I got back. Part of it is I have been flexing my work hours a bit to make sure we take care of our S, so some nights I will start working again around 10:00.
I have had limited contact with my W. I am not sure what it's really doing for me though. I feel like since we've been talking less, she's been pulling away more. However, I do need to realize she wasn't all in or all here before she moved out.
I had a session with my DB coach this morning and I feel a lot better. One major thing I got out of the session is that he reminded me we have the freedom to believe whatever we want during certain interactions and situations. We have several choices on what to believe. We might as well believe the positive of these choices.
I am working from home today and someone was knocking at the door. My heart just skipped a beat. I was paranoid I was being served some papers. It was the UPS guy. It turned out it's an iPod Nano I got with my mattress set I bought about a month ago.
There you go. I could've chosen from two possibilities, and I chose the negative one.
My W stops by about 5 minutes after we got home. She apologized for the dog's mishaps. As usual, I was able to be positive and upbeat around her. My S and I told her about some of things we did on vacation. I even got to brag about making bacon and eggs for my S - she asked about it. The significance of this is this is something I've never done before, and I don't eat eggs myself. She noticed and complimented a new shirt (UNC) I had picked up on vacation.
