I might have tried to organize the do's from the don'ts.
Well there is always room for a new and improved version
Yeah, get rid of # 10. Knowledge is power and it is very foolish to stick your head in the sand. Keep track of all spending! WAS could be draining bank accts, wasting marital assets on the A (which is illegal in my state, and does not impress a judge at all!) hiding marital assets or otherwise shifting them around. You may still be "in love" with WAS, but that doesn't mean you have to be poor too.
10. Do not spy on spouse by checking emails, phone bills, etc. (Not good for you and will make matters worse.)
I am COMPLETELY with sandi2 on this one....if you have ANY interest in saving your marriage.
Sometimes folks who think their spouse is in an affair think this helps them.
It doesn't.
It's the wrong focus either way. Unless you have your heart set on divorce, and that's not what this site is for.
It sets drama in motion.
Leads someone to set ultimatum, some folks set lot of other drama including exposure in motion. Once those things are set in motion, they cannot be retrieved.
There are a LOT of other attractive options that can be worked out in between. With or without a DB coach.
Sandi2 and others know how to give you ideas.
sg Love is PATIENT, love is KIND, LOVE never fails / DB since 2001
how so? They are for pretty much all newcomers. Are we talking about the same points?
Nowhere was pleading/pursuing part of DBing, for instance, so why wait til LRT?
I'm Just not clear on what you mean SGT
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
I might have tried to organize the do's from the don'ts.
Well there is always room for a new and improved version
I think I tried to do that and invited comment on a thread in Newcomers. I could use help there. Can you join & add your thoughts there too, b/c it'll help a lot of folks? The comments I'm thinking we need the most are from vets
and questions can come from whomever....thanks!
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
Yeah, I never thought they were "sandi's" 37. Could have sworn I read them in one of the DR books.
agreed but I don't think sandi ever tried to take credit for them. I think someone else posted them but for 'credibility" purposes, perhaps, called them "sandi's" and didn't take time to realize they came from the book.
On the thread I posted I added 3 that are clearly based on DB principles but more articulated by my Godsent DB coach Vernetta.
Anyhow, like I said i welcome feedback (but I don't want to hijack this thread) b/c I think it's a work in progress and truly the more the newcomers read them and take them in, the faster they'll progress.
Again though, I don't see this as LRT at all. At least not most of it. It's for newcomers when they get the bomb...that's not LRT.
Am I missing something?
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
I'm confused too. I think most (maybe not all) of the 37 are just pretty much "common-sense" DBing, and not referring to either the LRT or the "after-the-LRT" at all?
I do think that once things go legal, it's only wise to keep track of spending, any "squandering of marital assets," etc., and it's ALWAYS wise to protect yourself medically. These aren't any different than any good lawyer or doctor would advise you once your spouse is wayward. I personally would rather know what I'm dealing with, ACCURATELY, but once you know what's going on, continuing to "snoop" will only make you nuts. Get your proof, file it away, and move on to working on yourself and making your own positive changes, in my opinion.
This started in 2009. There were a bunch of us who called it the db rules... Then when someone would ask for the 34 rules sandi would post them. So we just started to call them Sandi's list. And it just stuck.
And that snooping line. It changed too over time.
It used to be about monitoring activities and verification. The LRT one was to stop monitoring as the spouse was no longer living with you as then it would be spying. But like everything if you paid the phone bill then you would not be spying. You would be monitoring what your money goes towards.
Flowers always make people better, happier, and more helpful; they are sunshine, food and medicine for the soul. unconditional love is awesome!
