Crazy little thing called MLC

[Raine]

1st Thread - Completely heartbroken by husband's MLC
2nd Thread - Rinse, repeat, replay
3rd Thread - Here we go loopty loo. Here we go loopty li.

This thing called MLC I just can't handle it
This thing called MLC I must get round to it
I ain't ready
Crazy little thing called MLC
This (This Thing) called MLC (Called MLC)
It cries (Like a baby) In a cradle all night
It swings (Woo Woo) It jives (Woo Woo)
It shakes all over like a jelly fish,
I DON'T like it
Crazy little thing called MLC

I was thinking my new thread would start when baby was here, but oh no, crazy MLC man had to put things into full throttle, as if baby was going to take him out of his realm for awhile, total "Leaving Las Vegas" style. Like he is going to have a baby here (does OW4 know? is she going to go all weird on him when things start showing on FB?) and he is going to have to take care of his kids first the first time in 6 months. It's like he knows his "alcohol" is going away and he is going on an all out Nicolas Cage binge. I just can't make this stuff up. I am guessing almost everyone here at one point has thought, "I need to write a book on this, but I just don't think anyone will believe it's nonfiction."

Saturday night we got into it a little bit too much, where I know I came off as pursuing. I told H that I don't want to want him if he doesn't want me, otherwise it just feels meaningless. That I might as well sleep around because the who doesn't matter. I told him that I want to be validated that he cares about me, even though I tell myself he doesn't, and sorry for bringing him into my inner fight. I know I come across as confusing, because I don't want to be hurt by his response. I left myself pretty vulnerable, to which he only replied, Sorry you feel that way. So that just ticked me off and I haven't communicated with him since, ignoring all his dumb game requests on the phone.

Yesterday I started making plans to get D paperwork done after baby was here. OW4 posted yesterday how nice it was to get a call telling her how special she is and how much he likes and appreciates her. Gag me. But I started reading posts made this morning by TWS, snodderly, and beatrice about A and thought I need to slow down and give it a little more time. I don't want to be the reason he ends up in a marriage with one of OW. It was getting later and H still wasn't at work, an hour late now, so I check what was going on. And I don't know why I think this is so funny, but I could not stop laughing.

Yesterday H spends most of the day with OW1, I'm assuming. Shopping, movie, whatever. He stopped by her apt and he was all over the place for several hours, but didn't spend any money on the CC. He could have stopped by and she wasn't there, and was just wandering around. But he probably was with her. Then he goes home for a few hours. Then heads out and spends an hour with OW4. Cue her FB posts about being special. Then he goes home for a few hours and leaves again to spend several early morning hours at OW1 place and then gets back home about 4am. No wonder he can't get up to go to work. And yes OW4 you are so special that he waited an entire 2 hours before going to screw someone else. And for some reason I'm in a great mood and heading out to lunch. Cheers!

[Takevowsserious]

Hey girl!

Who can even begin to figure these dudes out? Not me, that's for sure!

These A's are so hurtful. Yours wants to sleep with anything that moves, mine has that "someone special" that he freaking dotes over. Whatever!!!!

If I step outside of my wife role though, and just look at how things have changed over the past year +, I can see that downhill slide with their R.

I like to think of their R being like a cat with nine lives. Yes, it seems to survive drama and nonsense, getting recesitated for another go. But eventually, they're gonna get to life nine.

I might be 102 freaking years old by then though lol!

Hope you had a nice lunch.

And try not to let your H's dumpster diving in the R department bring you down. They could NEVER be you!

Hang in there!

[AJM]

Hey Raine.

I don't want to be the reason he ends up in a marriage with one of OW.

Um no. You're not the reason. He makes his own choices (albeit some very odd ones that most of us would disagree with).

I highly suggest you not take more responsibility for choices than are rightfully yours. I also suggest stepping away from the FB posts. Nothing good comes from that. For you. (I get the humor aspect, but really there's nothing there worth reading about ya know? )

Peace,
AJ

[Raine]

I know I shouldn't. Moth to the flame, right? Maybe it is enough to push me towards what I should have done all along.

Quote of the day, "So I'll just be watching the boys when you have the baby right? Oh, you want me there? Um, oh. Okay."

I don't want to do this anymore.

[kml]

For YOUR sake, I'd tell him to get lost and not to come near the delivery room! Unfortunately, for the sake of that innocent little baby you're having, it's better that he be present for the delivery - important for him to have that bonding experience with the baby, it may make him just a smidgen more responsible for him/her in the future.

I do hope you have someone else to be your labor coach though? I sure wouldn't want to be counting on him in that pinch. Best to have a friend or family member with you.

[kml]

(Plus, have your friend take LOTS of pics of H in the delivery room - then post them to his FB account. Just in case the girls he's dating didn't know he was having a baby with you. You might be doing them a service.)

[Raine]

Yeah I'm thinking about this baby. H was there for every single moment with the other kids, every appointment, everything. How sad that would be to go through family pictures and notice how your dad is in photos all of your brothers when they were born, and there is nothing of you? H is such a selfish jerk. I don't want this son growing up feeling rejected, as true as that may be. To me if he rejects one child, he rejects them all. And I will be sure to tag H in everything I do think that OW4 is clueless. Otherwise she wouldn't be making the public postings she is. OW1-3 know. But who knows about all the OW I don't know about. :P

[reachingHigher]

Hi sweetie!

H is such a selfish jerk.

Yes, he is right now. But he wasn't always that way, obviously, otherwise he wouldn't have been there for you and each boy before, as you described. He has taken a trip away right now.....but he may come back.

I'm seeing now that my H's manners and kindness that I once loved about him are making a return. Just lots of little things are reappearing slowly just like they disappeared slowly.

So....it may not help you here in the short term, but you still, even now, foster that hope in your heart that he can work through this.

In the meantime, I do agree with AJ about FB. Looking back over this year especially, my most sleepless nights and griefs often have to so with activities/pics on FB. I didn't have the strength to not look. I felt it was my right to know what was going on. And I've paid the price in grief. And I probably still didn't know the truth of it. Just guesses.

Do you have a backup coach for the birth?

Raine, I had my older son out of wedlock and my sister was there. It was a very special time, and I will never forget the bond we shared over that event.

Although it's ideal your H would be there, if he is not, it will still be a very special time, and one to always be treasured. It just may look different than the other births, that doesn't mean it's bad.

We are all thinking of you.
Hugs today,
rH

[reachingHigher]

Btw, Raine, I'm the youngest in a family with four girls -- all 2 years apart. So I'm interested in the arrival of your new little one.

We are all quite close as adults. Except the oldest one, close but just not as close and she lives in Canada now. She had it the hardest since my parents started having kids when they were 20!

I've always had my sisters as my best friends. At this age, looking back, I know my parents had trials, plenty of them, but the love my sisters and I share pretty much conquers all. Including some bad memories.

Keep going ... focus on you and the boys now.
I'm part of your cheering section!
Go Raine!!
Go Raine!!

[Raine]

Thanks rH for your words of encouragement. You have brought me so much hope and peace that everything is going to be okay.

Everything went really well. I'm great, baby is amazing. He is gorgeous. H was there and only person I had. Somethings were hard, like he showed no affection toward me, never got me or the baby anything, but he stepped it up with the boys and just taking care of things. It was kind of funny that sometimes he would talk to the nurses like we had this future together. Many people mentioned we need to keep trying for a girl and he would say things like we could but we would just end up with 9 boys.

He came to pick me up and bring me home. On the way home I asked him what his plans were. He said he had brought his stuff back and would be here for two weeks for his paternity leave and we could evaluate how it's going on sunday. Then he says we can see what transition to make when he goes back to work and schedule for the boys. I said can you explain what you mean by that and he said let's talk later. So I don't know what he is thinking or planning or expects. I guess I have it in the back of my head transition towards D since baby is here and he can see me through this first bit. If H is talking about transitioning coming home I don't know how to handle that. I guess with I need to think through things and talk to him later. I can't have him here and having affairs or contact with OW. But he also has no idea how much I know.

He did not stop holding the baby since we've been home except when I was feeding him. H slept on the couch but baby wouldnt sleep unless being held, and so H came through and held him for half the night and slept in the bed. Seeing H with the baby has my emotions boiling over when I'm alone. He is super doting and loving to him and all the boys.

At the risk of AJ chastising me, I've looked at OW4's FB. She is making posts that are a call for desperation. About her bad day, everything going wrong, eating ice cream and watching sad movies. I feel like I should send her a bag of worms. I think this is very much a good thing that she is trying to get some attention, but H isn't biting and likely she is pushing him away very fast. Her true snd desperate colors are showing quickly. H also skipped a concert he was supposed to see with OW1, she got him the ticket, but it was after baby was born. He told me he was missing it and then admitted about Ow1 getting the ticket after I said I never knew he had plans to go. (I think he thinks that I just think they are friends who made some innocent mistakes, like maybe along the lines of TVS's H assumptions about her knowledge. ) he said that he was skipping it anyway and he was going to hang out with lots of people not just her and that he didn't know why he was justifying it to me. (I don't know either, since i didn't ask and didn't say anything about it. He just kept talking.)

So that's where I'm at. I'm in this moment of pure joy with this little angel and having all these mixed up emotions toward H who said he didn't want anything to do with this baby and now he so in love with him, and feeling like when I'm around H he is nice to me but has this resentment there too, maybe not toward me, but still this feeling from him of negative emotions, depression, sadness, not sure.