Mach1 mentioned you to me today. Looks like we have a lot of similarities and similar things to work on. It tried reading all the post on your thread but have to admit i think im ADHD. If they are toooo long and my head hurts.
Mach 1 mentions posters to me for two reasons. Because we have similar issues and 2 so I keep growing.
Anger did me in. My father was the most loving sweet violent man I have ever met. So I lived a life of confusion. I learned from him. He died May 24 2011, my exw separated from me in June. i'm the only person besides my mom who doesn't idolize him.
This is a painful ride. Been here for almost 2 years. Others much longer.
What helped me is to just let go. Surrender and let the universe be you mapquest.
It will all fall into place. It just takes time. Yes look at your shortfalls but also look at your strengths.
M 53 D 20 Separated 6/22/11 moved out 10/24 Together 26 yrs Married 16 W Filed for D 7/21/11 Served 9/6/11 D final 8/28/12
“Failure is not fatal, but failure to change might be.”
My Dad left because he thought his needs were more important than his family obligations were. I thought I was over it but I don't think I am quite there. Now that he is gone, I am just going to have to talk at him instead of with him. I am going to have to accept that this will always be an unresolved issue and move along.
I'm going to go out on a limb here, and say you are mind reading. I don't know your dad, or the sitch, but unless he's spelled this out to you specifically, chances are, you don't know the real deal.
I'm sure he had his own demons, his own issues with his father, his upbringing....chances are, he did the best he could, though he got lost along the way and it's easy to look back and say "I would have done it different."
I mention this because it was important for me to accept that my parents, as poorly as I think they did as parents, did the best they could given their situation and their knowledge. They are two of the most selfish people I have ever met, but they were so lost at that time...they just tried to find happiness like everyone else but didn't do the hard work a lot of us have done here. That was important for me, so that I could forgive them....so that I could move on. Maybe it's not the same with you, but then again, maybe it is.
I mention this because it was important for me to accept that my parents, as poorly as I think they did as parents, did the best they could given their situation and their knowledge.
So true, but it takes work to get to this level of forgiveness.
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
I was just reading some of the MLC postings here. I can relate to a lot of the things that were said and the can understand some of the feelings.
One of the main things I have come away with is the need for forgiveness. If we don't truly and honestly forgive then there is no room for growth. It feels like we need to clean the garbage out of the garage before we can park the car back in it. Forgiveness feels like the proverbial spring cleaning.
I feel a sense of despair right now. Maybe despair is not the right word. I feel scared. I feel empty. I feel regret. However, I still have a feeling of hope.
I am understanding the pain I must have caused my W and my family. I bet the didn't understand what was going on. How could they when I didn't, either.
Weekends are hard. I am trying to stay busy and not focus on being here. Sometimes I have to remind myself about the way things are. Not in a chiding way. More of a hand on the shoulder thing as silly as that sounds.
"Buddy, I know you are hurting. I know you are sorry. You did this. I know you regret it. You will get past this. I promise you. Just keep on working your program, man... Let's go get some ice cream."
Yeah. Ice cream works for me.
“Things turn out best for the people who make the best out of the way things turn out” ― Art Linkletter
