My journey... at a fork in the road...

[MrCAS]

I walked for 20 minutes on the treadmill tonight after getting home from work.

Been thinking a lot about about what W's XH told me the other day about W's need to be the center of attention. Started to wonder about things. Trying not to mind read but it does make sense.

I am on my own time schedule here. If it doesn't meet her's that is just too bad. I am working on me. she has to do her own work for herself. Part of me always thought I was strong enough to do the work of two but all it really ended up doing is cause resentment.

Sometimes it feels selfish to think of what is best for me. It is as if I am not caring about anyone else. W's XH told me that he thinks that I am a good man with a big heart. A little loud and boisterous but very giving and loving. I thought that was a really nice thing for him to say.

Watching hockey right now. Just finished a new design for a T Shirt line my friend thought up. She loved it. Going to get back on the treadmill. I find it relaxing. I like the feel of a good sweat. Down under 190 pounds again. Would love to be down to 180 when I get back home. I have lost roughly 15-20 pounds already.

Back to the game!

[uRworthy]

I walked for 20 minutes on the treadmill tonight after getting home from work.

Good for you, M!

Sometimes it feels selfish to think of what is best for me. It is as if I am not caring about anyone else. W's XH told me that he thinks that I am a good man with a big heart. A little loud and boisterous but very giving and loving. I thought that was a really nice thing for him to say.

Self care is not selfish, M. It just means that you are choosing to take care of your needs at this time, but, not to the exclusion of others.

And I can see where that description of you is true. You hide behind some things, but, the good stuff comes through.

Watching hockey right now. Just finished a new design for a T Shirt line my friend thought up. She loved it. Going to get back on the treadmill. I find it relaxing. I like the feel of a good sweat. Down under 190 pounds again. Would love to be down to 180 when I get back home. I have lost roughly 15-20 pounds already.

Ah, love hockey! Even though my Rangers didnt make it.

[uRworthy]

Hey M, how are you today?

[MrCAS]

The marriage is definitely over and something needs to be done with the house. You need to let me know what you plan on doing, so i know where i stand.

If you wish to move back and keep the house, please let me know a time span, so i can make arrangements be moved out before you return.

You will also want contact XXXX ASAP to start the paperwork. i will not be making any more house payments, so this needs to be taken care of.

Please send the information for the paperwork.

Thanks. -W


Well, that is the latest and greatest of the emails from my W. The tone is definitely the angriest I have seen but still nothing I have not heard before.

Where does she stand? Beats me. I know what my plans are. I plan on doing what is best for me. If she doesn't want to be a part of it then I kind of figure that is her loss. I have no control over what her plans are. I won't be playing those games, though. Dignity. Honor.

I find it amusing, to a point, that I need to tell her what my plans are but doesn't think I need to know what her plans are.

She seems to trying to push all the old buttons that used to get such charged responses in the past but are not working now. I am thinking things through and trying hard not to resort to old behaviors. They didn't work then and I doubt that they would be any more effective now.

Looking at some other jobs back home right now. Waiting to hear from my former employer. Had a discussion with the COM (co-owner man) about a huge project that they are bidding on. It would involve working seven days a week at 12-16 hours a day for a month. Told him no way I was doing that. I was polite but matter of fact about it.

Walked a mile on the treadmill after work today. Weighed in 188 pounds this AM. My sugar was 97 just before supper tonight, too. Now if I could stop smoking... Eeeps. Stopped for a bit then started again. Nerves. Pressure. Yeah, whatever, buddy... LOL!

[Mach1]

Where does she stand? Beats me. I know what my plans are. I plan on doing what is best for me. If she doesn't want to be a part of it then I kind of figure that is her loss. I have no control over what her plans are. I won't be playing those games, though. Dignity. Honor.

^^^^^^ like !!!!

[uRworthy]

I like, too, M.

More importantly, you should not have mentioned that you smoke.

Poor you.

You have to deal with me now - on your shoulder telling you to quit.

Lost my mother, father, two grandparents, aunt and one of my best friends to lung cancer.

Please. Stop. Now.

[jp787]

MrCAS - Maybe this will give you hope on the smoking.

You know me and how I struggle with all my sh1T.

Well I smoked for 20 plus years, quit 17 years ago from 2 plus packs a day.

I want to say it was easy compared to all of this and it was, but only because when I quit I was ready. Yes UW I am starting to see it all ties together, when we are ready...

Anyway thanks for your cont support and I think you are doing great.

[MrCAS]

I quit on Oct 5th, 2005. I started again in August of 2008. It was just about the time that my brain went south for the duration.

[uRworthy]

I quit on Oct 5th, 2005. I started again in August of 2008. It was just about the time that my brain went south for the duration.

Ah, so now the hope is that as your brain goes north, you will be able to quit again, right?

I wont be bothering you too much about this really. Although I would think that with your medical history you KNOW how bad it is for you.

Not really my place, though, I do care about you and feel very strongly about the ills of smoking.

[uRworthy]

How are you doing, M?