Magic, try this. Pretend he is not in mlc. Pretend he is just done, tired and frustrated, and wants out for whatever reason. The reason does not matter other than let's pretend that the reason has to do with you. And it's legit. You are at fault. And he is not. He's pretty justified in being done.
What would you change?
How could you get him to feel about you the way he used to? Freaking out over a dumb email address? Nope. He moves another space away. Trying to control him, make demands, trying to bait or be baited, each time is a step away from you. What has changed? Because you can't bring a spouse back, using the same "bait" that he walked away from.
Every time you don't listen and do the same things over again, you are telling him he is right. He is justified in walking away. Does not matter if it is true. All that matters is what he feels and what action he takes because of that. You have zero control of that. You can only change yourself.
So you can feel justified and you can feel good and you can forgive your mistakes, but that doesn't mean he has to.
Best thing you can do Magic is look at yourself. Let's say you are the one in mlc. You are going to need a long period of consistent action to prove change for that non-mlc spouse to trust and consider renewing a relationship. Each time you bait or control or whatever you do that the vets say don't do, you start it over again and wash away the progress you made before. And too often the non-mlc spouse gets tired of waiting to see change and moves on for good.
It's time to change. It's time to change Magic, for you.
M38,H39 M:16Y BD:8/12 OWDB:11/12 S:11/12-5/13 "Temp" home:6/13 OW dropped:9/13 "I love you":12/13 H ring on:2/14 Depression back:5/15 "I'm done:" 7/15 H moved out: 3/16 H moved back: 12/16 Working on us: 3/17
Raine "Magic, try this. Pretend he is not in mlc. Pretend he is just done, tired and frustrated, and wants out for whatever reason. The reason does not matter other than let's pretend that the reason has to do with you. And it's legit. You are at fault. And he is not. He's pretty justified in being done.�
What would you change?"
Thanks Raine, this is a great exercise for ALL of us to discover our 180s!!!
Linda
Me 65, Ex 64 M 38 y 2 adult S, 4 G-Kids MLC 11/07 BD 12/09 D 3/14 Dating nice guy 7/14 Engaged to nice guy 12/17
