Looking for New Options If H Wants Divorce

[MyNewStrength]

So, it looks like I have to start a new thread, so instead of saying I am all out of options, how about I am looking for new options whatever they may be. This is hopefully a more positive spin on my path forward.

Yesterday was not a bad day. I was actually surprised that I could think about my sitch without crying. I did come home and cook dinner for myself although my H took what was left.

He wanted to have a conversation about what a good day he had. Told me he went out for a drink (like I posted yesterday, he has not been hanging out anywhere except our couch) after work because he received "positive feedback" from his boss and that never happens.

He needs people to tell him he is great, if not, he retreats and blames everyone for his unhappiness --- LIKE ME!!!

He wanted to watch a movie with me, but I didn't want him to think I was okay with our situation, so I came to bed.

I thin he is lonely, he wants someone to spend time with and talk to about the good and bad things in his life, but he brought on this separation. Too bad, he can't face that he is depressed...my WAS.

[LuckyLuke]

It sounds like he might like EE. He'll meet a bunch of very good people there and be in a better place after than before.

Luke

[MyNewStrength]

EE? What is that?

[LuckyLuke]

Essential Experience - a workshop in Philadelphia. I went in April this year, and found it wonderful.

L

[MyNewStrength]

HELP!!!

H and I had a bad argument. I found out who OW is. She is married with children. He helped her and her husband last year move!!!!

Now he is upset with me because I know. And I was angry, pissed off....And he is now threatening me and saying that if I call her or her H then he would file so sort of injunction against me!!!

I have done nothing or even said I would call anyone. I told him that what he was doing was wrong and that he needs to seriously think about his actions.

[MyNewStrength]

He is calling me names and saying that I am annoying

I am in tears and cannot breathe...he left

I don't know what to do..


He has hurt me sooo.. And he does not care. How can someone be so cruel to someone that cares for them so?

Oh God.

[MyNewStrength]

This so hard to take. The hurt...the disappointment. He is absolutely uncaring and I am falling apart...coming undone..

[JayMan]

When someone gets caught doing something morally reprehensible, and found to be completely and utterly in the wrong, I've seen that they tend to react in one of three ways:

1. Try to moralize it away - "I've done nothing wrong since we're only married in paper"
2. Attack and badger YOU to try to get the spotlight off of themselves. (your sitch)
3. Go full hell-on-wheels and just embrace it

#2 sounds like what's happening to you; take a deep breath, go somewhere and walk around and scream if you have to. Remember that this is "normal" behavior.

[MyNewStrength]

I don't know how to stop. I wish I didn't have to experience this...I am so sad and distraught that I have stomach pains. I was suppose to meet 2 friends for dinner tonight, but I am so upset about how UNCARING AND DIFFERENT he is and how he is treating and speaking to me. This person CANNOT be my H or friend. His family and friends would be shocked to hear how he speaks to me.

Yes, you are right, I didn't want to send the letter. I just wanted to document how I was feeling.

But I want to tell the OW husband. I just need to determine how I do this.

[MyNewStrength]

After my very "bad" day yesterday interacting with my H, I am resolved to avoid any and all discussions moving forward to the greatest extent possible.

I started doing additional research on if this ends in divorce. I spoke to a lawyer 2 weeks ago and he gave me some insight on how things can proceed:

(1) I asked could I expect if I did NOT contest the divorce? His response was that in VA, there are 2 types of divorce - limited and absolute. Limited is what my H wants because is sets the grounds for a no-fault where we live separately for 6 months (we don't have children) because either of us could file. The divorce can proceed quickly after filing - anywhere from 30 to 90 days.

(2) I asked could I expect if I did NOT contest the divorce? I could do this based on the grounds of adultery. However, I need to have unequivocal proof of his affair. I have voice recordings of him speaking with her, telling her that he LOVED her and missed her and that he could not wait to see her. Several conversations I have recorded. My lawyer said I could file now based on these grounds and could be granted an absolute divorce. However, the financial implications or dividing property will be left up to the judge, but the judge could take into account my H's affair when deciding on dividing property.

(3) I asked about my rights to financial and home resources? If the affair can be proven, the judge could require my H to continue to pay for all home expenses he currently pays today until the absolute divorce is granted. In addition, he can also decide (based on evidence provided of affair or marital cruelty) to grant me a portion of military and civilian pension. One of the things I always wanted to do was go back to school for my MBA - I could write this into the settlement according to my lawyer because of the support I provided to his military service. Or, in the event that the affair cannot be proven to a judge, the judge may decide to divide the property 50/50 based on when we married.

I am not sure about what I want to do, but my H has been so disgustingly cruel and his betrayal and lies are really mounting on me to the point where I am considering filing now. However, this kind of contested divorce can take anywhere up to 2 years, because the court dockets are backlogged. My lawyer also said that the I hold all of the cards especially since he is the one seeking D and I have proof of his conversations with OW. I am also thinking about hiring a PI to provide the unequivocal evidence. I just want to make sure that get my fair share after forgiving him once before and to have this happen again.

Any thoughts?