It's really hard to make someone feel like they are losing you who wants to divorce you in the first place. I'd be open to suggestions on how to accomplish this without pursuing her.
Get out and GAL without her. The WAS will never miss a sad, desperate, moping LBS. But if they see the LBS laughing, going out, having fun, living it up, well then they start wondering what they're missing out on. But here's the tough part, the LBS can't just be acting like their GAL'ing. It has to be REAL. Because otherwise the WAS sees it as tricks to get them back.
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I'm seriously contemplating just giving her the divorce she wants instead of delaying. If that's what it takes to "open the cage" maybe it's for the best.
Delaying is never a good tactic, it just makes the WAS angry and resentful. You need to protect your interests, but don't do anything to stonewall the process.
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Each day I'm by myself, it feels like she's gone already, so it wouldn't be too much different.
This is hard for most LBS's to accept, but no matter what happens she IS already gone. Your old marriage is dead and gone, RIP. It was gone at BD. You can't get it back, and you shouldn't want to get it back. What you should strive for is a new M and R with your W. It can happen after S and even after D. Your sitch is still quite new, it'll be many months if not years before she might start to change her mind. It takes a lot of patience!
It's been a rough day. I went to the doctor and got an anti-depressant. I went to the bank and opened an individual checking account and broke down in tears when the woman asked me what was prompting me to open an account today.
I sent the W an email this morning with the subject line- "requesting a meeting"
W,
My attorney relayed the message from your attorney. I think we can work out the division of property and paying expenses on our own. If we do it through the lawyers, there might not be anything left! ; )
When and where would you like to meet to discuss it? I can do Sunday or next Tuesday. I understand you want to find your own place, so I'd like to help make that possible for you.
H
We'll see what she says.
H: 29 WAXW: 30
Bomb Drop- 9/9/13 Negotiated Settlement- 5/9/14 D Final- 5/21/14 XW has breakdown in attorney lobby- 5/30/14
me: 30 H:30 tgthr:7 m:4 no kids 5 counseling sessions initiated by H as a LR: Oct 2012 long distance marriage b/c of work since Nov 2012 official BD: July 2013 nothing filed 1/1/14 I dropped the rope
Be patient with the A/D's, it can take a week before you notice a difference and 3 to 6 weeks before they really hit full stride and you start feeling good again. They helped bring me out of a deep, dark funk that I thought I'd never escape from. Hang in there!
My W found it necessary to message each of my friends and family on FB before unfriending them. Some of the messages are very odd. She told my sister that she had to unfriend all of my friends because seeing them like my pictures was killing her, but it has to be this way. She sent messages to my friends and people in my wedding party that don't even know whats going on. Needless to say I got many inquiries today about the state of affairs.
I went to IC tonight and my counselor thought it odd she felt the need to send out messages rather than just unfriend them and be done with it. We did some mindreading together and decided she sounds pretty conflicted, like she's trying to convince herself it's the right thing to do. Who knows, it is really odd to me though, I thought we would keep it low key, I didn't feel the need to send messages to any of her friends, I just unfriended them weeks ago.
Anyway, gotta take care of the dog and hopefully get some sleep. No response to my email as of yet.
H: 29 WAXW: 30
Bomb Drop- 9/9/13 Negotiated Settlement- 5/9/14 D Final- 5/21/14 XW has breakdown in attorney lobby- 5/30/14
Be patient with the A/D's, it can take a week before you notice a difference and 3 to 6 weeks before they really hit full stride and you start feeling good again. They helped bring me out of a deep, dark funk that I thought I'd never escape from. Hang in there!
Will keep that in mind AS, it's been a very emotional day.
H: 29 WAXW: 30
Bomb Drop- 9/9/13 Negotiated Settlement- 5/9/14 D Final- 5/21/14 XW has breakdown in attorney lobby- 5/30/14
Thanks Mimi, her lawyer told my lawyer that W wants to talk to me, but her actions don't reflect that. She ignored a call last night, I only wanted to ask about availability to discuss dividing property, I did not leave a voicemail. Sent her the short/sweet email this morning.
H: 29 WAXW: 30
Bomb Drop- 9/9/13 Negotiated Settlement- 5/9/14 D Final- 5/21/14 XW has breakdown in attorney lobby- 5/30/14
I guess another part of W's message to my sister said "if you're going to send me hate mail, please wait and don't do it now, it would kill me." My sister told me she's not going to respond to it unless I would like her to.
I'm wondering if I should have my sister respond to W or not? Something like - W, none of us hate you, we understand you are heartbroken. We are all working to forgive you and wish you the best. SIL
Thoughts or just have sister ignore her message?
H: 29 WAXW: 30
Bomb Drop- 9/9/13 Negotiated Settlement- 5/9/14 D Final- 5/21/14 XW has breakdown in attorney lobby- 5/30/14
She sure is making things awkward... If your sister decides to respond it should be simple. I don't think it should mention "we are working to forgive you"
Just something that says there is no reason for her to have hate in her heart towards W, that as family she does not get involved in your marriage issues....feel free to keep in contact (if they had a relationship and that's what your sister would want of course)
Hopefully someone will come help you out w/ better wording than I have Hope yournday goes well!
me: 30 H:30 tgthr:7 m:4 no kids 5 counseling sessions initiated by H as a LR: Oct 2012 long distance marriage b/c of work since Nov 2012 official BD: July 2013 nothing filed 1/1/14 I dropped the rope
Since your sister already decided not to answer, I would consider making her send an answer that you dictated, as manipulating and controlling behavior.
If you agree then consider if this is the person you want to be.
F
Me:44 W:43 D7, D5 (S11 from other R)
T: 8y - not M ILYB: 8. Mar 2013 W moved: 1. Aug 2013 LRT: 20. Aug 2013 _______________________________ Do or do not – there’s no try.
