This is where I cannot decide whether to e-mail him or call him about the package. I kind of feel that he would want me to call, but I really don’t want to. I feel more comfortable with an e-mail. But, if he is showing little baby steps, should I encourage it? If I e-mail instead of calling, would he retreat back into the hole?
I would love some opinions here.
M:50 H:52 S28 (my S from previous marriage) M:17 + 3 BD: 06/12 S: 06/12 - H works in another state
Go ahead and email him about the package. If he wants to speak w/you, he will call you about it.
I seriously doubt that an email will send him back into the rabbit hole.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
But, personally, I think it would be interesting to see what he did if you didn't tell him. Think about it.
You've shown him how reliable and so forth you are. He knows he can count on you for stuff like this.
But, what you haven't shown him, as much, is you having a life. He doesn't live there anymore, he is getting tattoos and vasectomys... so, he is out there keeping busy.
I think it's the wrong message to send that you will notify him when he gets a package of sandbags. If this was an odd occasion or if it was something that required immediate attention...then, maybe call him.
But, IT's SANDBAGS!
I say make him work for it a little. What's the harm. If he divorces you because you didn't notify him about sandbags...well... he's a douche.
See, if he brings it up. When he does, "Oh, yeah, I completely forgot. I wondered what that was about. Yup, they're here. Why don't you handle the pick up with UPS and I will put them on the front porch."
Just my .02
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
Heather, the package arrived 2 days ago, and this is what I was doing, waiting to see if he will ask about them. You are right, he doesn’t live here anymore, so the package on his name raised my eyebrows already. You made me laugh with the comment of him divorcing me over the sandbags .
As far as not showing him that I have a life, I don’t know. I don’t reply to his phone calls and e-mails right away. Actually, most of the times I don’t even pick up the phone and let it go to the voice mail. I only called back right away when he told me he needed some business info to deal with the insurance. Maybe these sand bags are actually a test to see if I still care enough to notify him right away. Some speculation here, LOL.
This is where my constant straggle is, to decide between being nice and looking like a door mat, hence allowing the cake eating. I’m generally a nice and responsible person. I would do nice things for friends and neighbors. I still care about him, and I’m used to doing nice things for him. So, every time I need to make a decision in a situation like this, I have a hard time. It is like I’m going against my feelings, against myself. Am I a door mat?
M:50 H:52 S28 (my S from previous marriage) M:17 + 3 BD: 06/12 S: 06/12 - H works in another state
Bright, I don't hear you being a doormat. But, I do hear you having a hard time detaching still. You seem very concerned about doing, saying, emailing, texting, etc...in a such a way that he will "run back into the rabbit hole."
I only hear it because I've been there so many times myself. Relax. Be the awesome, fabulous YOU and let it go. Turn it over to God.
You will drive yourself crazy trying so hard. I've been there.
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
Bright, You are not a door mat by any means. You are a very kind and caring individual who is trying to do the right thing.
If you haven't texted him about the sand bags, then wait a while longer to see if he mentions them. They aren't something of an urgent nature, so sit on them for a bit.
Please do not be afraid to try different things. There's no right or wrong way to deal w/someone in crisis...you just have to try different things until the right key clicks in the lock.
Please do not try to second guess yourself. Okay?
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
.