"There was a poster here a few months ago named Thornton who went through six(?) weeks of complete darkness with his wife.... Well, after a couple of months he finally got the green light from Wonka to send her a joke via text. Over about a month or two that one joke blossomed, very tentatively, into a reconciliation. Turns out all that cheerful stuff she was putting into the world was a huge mask. She was miserable but didn't know how to find her way back to him."
This struck a chord with me. H and I haven't seen each other for 3 months, and haven't spoken for 2 months. We text once a week or so about house/pets stuff. Texts are just pleasant and functional.
As far as I know at this point, he has decided our M is over and that he wants a family with someone else. He is still involved with OW - but things sound pretty unsettled there.
Is staying dark the right thing at this stage? What if he is miserable and can't find his way back? But it sounds as though his mind is made up against our M and there's nothing I can do for now.
Just having a big moment of doubt. Any thoughts anyone??
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Hey Toots, hope you had a good Thanksgiving. I can completely relate to this question. As they say, every situation it different and certain things work for some that doesn't work for others. I would think that while OW is still in the picture that it shouldn't bear considering. If you make that move it would be with expectations and if nothing else, its not healthy for you. I'd say if OW was out of the picture and you wanted to test the water would be one thing but not while you are confident OW is still around.
M: 43 W: 43 Married 6 yrs. T: 7 yrs. Son 20, 18, 17, 15 yrs. (w/ Autism), 12, 10
Hi Toots, Sorry to disappear for awhile. Had been busy since the whole Thanksgiving trip.
I see you are "moving on" with your life, congrats on your new flat, somehow, somewhere there is a great feeling of accomplishment on that.
The most difficult part of all is to let time to do the hard lift for us, the unknown is a killer... it's easy to mind read and interpret things in one way one day and see it in another way the next day.
In regard of protecting yourself and your future, I think it's best if you look for professional help to understand all your rights. It's a hard thing to do since it seems you are giving up on your M, but unfortunately it can be a disaster if you don't pay attention to it and H does something stupid.
It is also annoying that you need to have so much paperwork to trace your financial life for at least last year or so. I agree with you that he needs to be the one to start the divorce process if this is what he desires. But there is the parallel that you need to keep an eye, if he won't move towards taking financial advantages on you.
What does your IC says about contacting your H? Is there anything you need to talk about with him that is not related to R? Just that you would check his attitude towards you?
Do you know if he gets some info about your life now? Does he knows you are moving into your new flat? What about his son, do you have any contact with him at all?
Toots, it is very hard to move on with our lives and even harder when things are in the "limbo zone". I found it very hard to detach...it's like giving up. But, it is what is best for now, to be the person "YOU" love to be.
How will be your Christmas and New Year? Do you have any plans? Any chance you may see H around?
Toots, I believe you are doing the right thing even though it seems nothing is getting resolved. But we are here for a reason, we want to save our M, and trying that means to do what does not make to much sense and yet makes the most sense of all... take good care after yourself and become a person that only a fool would leave.
What are the changes you see in yourself? I mean, as a girl? I have been exploring this, feeling good about my appearance helps me to face the day...
Hope you are treating yourself well and building some strength. I keep saying to myself... patience, patience and more patience. It's the only way.
Hang in there and take one day at a time, you can do it, you are doing it, and with time you will feel really proud of yourself...
Thanks Pink - your post really helped me today. I drove up to our house (about 2 hours away) to collect some things...and also go to the dentist and see a friend.
I have done this a couple of times, and felt okay before. But, gosh, I felt wobbly today. All shaken and sick when I was in the house. I don't know why it felt so bad today.
I was waiting for the dentist after this when I read your post and it made me feel much better. Nice to know that you can help someone else, when you are feeling cr**py yourself.
Hope you're having a good day!
Toots :-)
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Toots, You sound a little bit sad... the Holidays can get you thinking.
Are you planning something for Xmas besides seeing SS? Are you spending time with your own family?
Maybe go out with some friends, see people and enjoy yourself?
I feel so close to you, it's amazing how we can like someone we don't even know face to face. You are a good person and sooner then later life will give you a chance to be happy again.
And how are things with H? Any contact from him? This Limbo business is very hard, and the whole detach is a huge challenge.
Hope you take good care after yourself, you deserve it.
I'm doing okay actually. I have quite a few social plans over xmas. Seeing parents on Xmas day, and some friends the next day, then my sister on the 28th. Also seeing SS and another set of friends over Xmas too. So I guess I'll be pretty busy.
I'm not really looking forward to Xmas & will be glad to get through it & be into the new year. But I'm not feeling low or dreading it.
I would like to look at a couple more GAL things, and am going to try aqua aerobics tomorrow. Plus I may join a class or a choir in the new year.
H and I were in touch by text this week....problem with the boiler. His texts were pretty chatty & pleasant. I was pleasant and a bit less chatty in return!
Hope all goes well with the talk....remember....'you've got this!'
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Pink and Toots, thank you for your posts. I haven't seen or heard from my W in two months and miss my stepkids too. Our anniversary is in a couple of weeks followed by xmas and any time i think about it i get really bummed out. It helped me this morning to come across your convo!
Me: 39 W: 46 D: 7.5 S: 5 SD: 16 SS: 12 T: 2 (06/2012) M: 2 (12/2012) Separation 09/2014. No talks of D yet. No communication since 10/3/2014
