Another "odd"exchange with my W...I sent her an email that I had sold some options in my company. I do this b/c I want to show her that we cannot have secrets and cannot hide money from each other. She responded back with "Great, let's use it to do something fun."
Here I am with my W "quasi pursuing" me and instead of being excited, I am more angry. I want her to just say she is sorry and show true remorse. Then we can do the fun things together to rebuild our R.
Me: 40, W: 40 M: 15, T: 18 D - 10, S - 7 D announcement 6/7/2014 A discovered 7/20/2014 (but denied by W) Still living together and sharing same bed
I think the answer is to resist any quasi-pursuit - because that looks like the 'can I incrementally come back into this R without truly acknowledging what has happened here?'
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
I like your emotional response to the whole "let's spend it on something fun" comment. It shows you are outraged. That's healthy in my opinion. Something fun with you? F*ck no
You chose the name Shodan for a reason. One of the early Okinawan masters once said, "The heart of a Karetka is open and free, it bears no one ill-well, but beware, it is the heart of a lion."
Maybe you should bank that money and do something fun with your next wife.
Update from this weekend...my W came clean about everything, lots of apologizing and remorse. Wants to be 100% committed to our M and will do whatever it takes. We are seeing a MC tomorrow night. She told me she made a huge mistake and deserves more than 50% of the blame for where we are. Apparently she had a few bad nights with no sleep and finally hit rock bottom on Thursday. She prayed and asked God for guidance. It was then she decided that we have a good thing but we just need to work on it. Suffice to say, this weekend was full of a lot of long talks, some crying and lots of laughter.
We still have some issues to work through but I want to use the MC to guide us.
Me: 40, W: 40 M: 15, T: 18 D - 10, S - 7 D announcement 6/7/2014 A discovered 7/20/2014 (but denied by W) Still living together and sharing same bed
Me: 35 husband:39 Sons 16 and 11 from my first marriage Twins 5 (boy/girl) Daughter 3 Affair bomb 2/27/14 He moved in with ow 3/13/14 OW kicked him out 6/15/14 4/2016 he seeks help for sexual addiction
Hi Shodan - I'm so pleased for you! Good luck with the MC, and really glad things are turning for you.
I read that it is really important to focus on the 'nasty' as well as the 'nice' stuff at this stage, and there is still lots of work to do for you both, I'm sure...
But there's been a turning point and that's great!
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Me 47 - W 35 M 9 - T 10 2 Daughters - 7 & 9 Discovery of EA- 8/4/14 S - 8/5/15 D mentioned - 9/11/14 R & Piecing - 3/17/15 Regard one another as more important than yourselves. - Philippians 2:3
PRAISE GOD!! For there is nothing that He can't do!
That's awesome news, Shodan -- you deserve this opportunity.
I use that word advisedly. When I decided to be the manager for my then-9-year-old-son's little league team, I was tucking him in bed at night and he said "I'm glad you're my manager, Daddy -- now I can be a PITCHER!" I immediately corrected him, saying "No son, now you'll have the opportunity to pitch . . . what you do with that is up to you."
My prayer is that the two of you will be guided by wisdom, by humility, and will do the hard work necessary to heal your wounds, Shodan. Your family deserves your best effort.
Update from this weekend...my W came clean about everything, lots of apologizing and remorse. Wants to be 100% committed to our M and will do whatever it takes.
