Hi everyone. Thanks for bringing my thread back up Bright and kml! When I tried to post on the old thread it was locked or maybe I just forgot how to post! LOL
Not sure how or where to begin but here goes.
July 2014 - h tells me he's had it with ow. She has become even more crazy, controling and demanding. He said it actually started last December while they were on a trip. H is planning the next steps to rid himself of her. He distances himself from her and her drama.
August - ow decides she is going to live a more "fulfilling" life than h wants to live and starts to do her own thing while still being taken care of in the manner that she feels entitled to. H was still paying all the bills because ow couldn't get a regular salaried job and had to go back into commission sales. She has had no income since moving here in June 2013. He took away all of her access to the money that he gave her to pay bills (separate account, thank God). She becomes angry, abusive and determined to get back at him for taking away her ability to secretly syphon money from the household budget for herself and to send to her lazy adult child. He withdraws the separation agreement and speaks with an attorney about evicting her. The lawyer shocked him back to reality by saying that it sounded like she had found a sugar daddy. It pissed h off to hear that from another man but that was the beginning what I think was a wakeup call for him.
September - ow installs locks on doors to 3 rooms inside HIS home and tells him that he's not allowed to enter. He sends her formal notice to vacate by September 30th. WE post it on every entry door to the house as well as all of the interior doors. She rips them all down and tells him she will leave when she's good and ready to leave. He removes some of his valuables and brings them to my house. With the deadline to get her sorry a$$ out of the house he sends her a reminder about her deadline for departure. She goes ballistic and starts sending him nasty, condescending emails attacking his character, threatens to ruin his career and sends me threatening emails. He has me send the threatening emails and texts that I received from the ow to his attorney. The attorney tells him that he's fortunate to have an understanding wife who didn't kick his a$$ to the curb. Yep, he actually tells me this.
October - He puts the house up for sale. She tells him she will do everything in her power to stand in the way of the sale because she isn't leaving the house until she's old and gray! HA! He remains calm and seems to have been jolted out of his mlc. Everything is clearer now and he sees her for what she was after from the beginning of their r. She continues to lock herself in rooms while he is there and doesn't allow him access to most of the house. At this point, I become a concerned for both of our safety and tell him to get the heck out of there. He has friends that he could stay with until she was out of there.
He refuses to leave saying that it's his home and she isn't going to run him out of it. Bad move on his part. On a Sunday evening in mid October she came to his bedroom as he was sleeping, jumped on him and started slapping and beating him up. He grabbed her wrists and told her to stop. She kept kicking and fighting him. He pushed her off and tried to settle her down. After an hour of her screaming, ordering him to get her another blanket, change sheets on her bed (crazy) and threatening him, she calmed down. He stayed there trying to decide what to do. He called me at 4am telling he was on his way over and needed to talk. I told him the logical thing to do was to call the police. As we talked the ow was sending more threatening emails and texts to him. She told him that he should sleep with one eye open and that she wasn't finished with him etc. While he wasn't encouraging her he kept her talking. So now we have it ALL in writing, texts, emails to both of us!!!! He asked me to go with him to the local Sheriff's office to file the report. He seemed so vulnerable and was still in shock. I ended up going with him. An hour later we were on our way to the house with the Sheriff.
They went in to talk to her. About 10 minutes later one of them comes back out to talk to us. She claimed that everything was just fine and that there was no trouble. As they questioned her further and told her what my h claimed she told them that he had tried to rape her!!!! Neither Sheriff bought her story saying that she was too calm and that her story didn't add up so they were going to arrest her and take her to jail for domestic abuse. A few minutes passed. My h seemed nervous and as if he were afraid. She came out in handcuffs looking like she was on her way to the grocery store. No emotion, talking to the cop that was bringing her out like it was no big deal. My h had tears in his eyes.
They held her for an entire day and evening until her h (who lives in another state) could find someone to come and pick her up.
H contacted the attorney to find out how to remove her things. Long story short, she was given 2 weeks to get it all out otherwise it was up to my h to do with it as he pleased. He had the attorney send her notice that she had 1 day to get it all out. Since they had a no contact order I had to be there on the day that she moved. She has so much junk to remove it took 3 good sized moving trucks and 10 hours to get it all out of there. One of the trucks alone was filled with her clothes. I called them "tools of the trade". Fancy clothes for luring in her victims! LOL Yep, she's got it down and has obviously done this before. I'm betting that no one has every had the princess arrested.
It occurred to me after observing her behavior and recalling all that my h has shared with me about her over the past year and a half that I was watching an out of control Narcissist.
H alert! He just called. He will be here in a few minutes. Will get back here later to finish this after he leaves. What I haven't had a chance to write is what's more important than the drama and where I need help and advice.
Your h needs to get a security system as well as change the locks on exterior doors as soon as possible.
If that little adventure down MLC way didn't wake him up, nothing will. Maybe now he'll begin to truly focus on his issues and come to his senses and realize he has a wonderful wife that has stood by him through thick and thin.
I would suggest that all of you watch your backs for a while. I don't trust twinkle twat to go away completely for a while. She doesn't strike me as someone that will stay in the shadows for very long w/o creating a ruckus for one final hoorah.
BTW, the reason you couldn't post on your old thread is because your thread had exceeded the 100 posting limit.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Hey NLT, you are right, this is a novel material..
Originally Posted By: Notlikingthis
The lawyer shocked him back to reality by saying that it sounded like she had found a sugar daddy. It pissed h off to hear that from another man but that was the beginning what I think was a wakeup call for him.
This is priceless!. It made my day!
Originally Posted By: Notlikingthis
The attorney tells him that he's fortunate to have an understanding wife who didn't kick his a$$ to the curb. Yep, he actually tells me this.
And this too, LOL.
What an ordeal! I agree with job, this is probably not over yet. I just hope she will find another “sugar daddy” quickly.
M:50 H:52 S28 (my S from previous marriage) M:17 + 3 BD: 06/12 S: 06/12 - H works in another state
Hi, I just wrote the next chapter of the short novel and lost it all....ARGGGGG! I'm exhausted and too tired to repeat it right now. Sorry kml, I'm going to keep you in suspense for another day.
Bright, I thought those were priceless comments too. It makes this all just a little easier to endure. Validation for US heard by the mlcer. Since the attorney made those comments, he (and I) have heard them from several of friends that he's talked to about his ordeal.
Me:57H:62 M:34T:35 2S,2D (grown nlah) BD:09/2012 visits M ow EA/PA?:10/2012 H moves out 06/2013
"Do not let the behavior of others destroy your inner peace." -Dalai Lama
Continuing from my last post and a much shorter version of the lost in cyberspace Chapter 2
First a note of humor from the day of Twinkle Twat's (thank you job) move out of the house. I arrived at the house a few hours before her army of movers arrived. I closed off his bedroom and marked all items that were to stay in the house. T.T ignored them of course and had invited many of her friends to come and purchase items that she didn't want to move. I ignored her and she ignored me until she starting selling off items that belonged to my h. I had requested a mutual friend/attorney to be present during the move. I made sure he was a witness to the conversation. I told her that the items that she was selling didn't belong to her. She wouldn't look at me while telling me "shoo you silly woman". When I didn't obey her command, she said, "shoo you stupid woman". I calmly told her that she was an unwanted guest in the house and that she could be asked to leave at any point. The mutual friend said something to her that I couldn't hear. She immediately STFU! In her threatening email and texts to me she tried to get to me by calling me a pathetic girl and insinuated that I was a weak person. I'm a pick your battles person and not intimidated by her or anyone else. I was hoping that she'd step over the line again so I could call the Sheriff to come and get her!!!!
On to the more important issues.
After the ordeal my h started exhibiting unusual behaviors. He wasn't able to stay in his house for the first few days after T.T.'s was released from jail. He feared that she would come back to get her revenge.
While he was here for those 2 days I noticed that he was extremely anxious, restless and depressed . He told me that he felt bad about what he did to her (sending her to jail). He blamed himself for a lot of what happened. Yeah, he was to blame for allowing her into his life but not the cause of what she put him through. I asked him if he would like to read a book (Surviving the Female Narcissist) that might help him explain why he felt the way he did. Within a few hours he had an entirely different perspective. He said that everything he was reading fit her to a T. He continued to read and called often to read excerpts from the book to me. He said he recognized that he was suffering from PTSD, the same symptoms, fears, nightmares that he had after he left the military. An added benefit was that he recognized that he has some of the traits of narcissism and said that he had a few things to work on himself. Having a few of the traits is healthy and recognizing them is a good sign.
He struggles with the addiction that resulted from her brainwashing. The manner in which she drew him in (sex) and the feelings that he can't live without her haunt him. Apparently narcissist can condition their victims that they NEED the narcissist. He is facing a long recovery from this and that is where I'm struggling. As painful as it is to watch him I do know that I can't help him. I have that part down. He joined a support group and is in therapy and that is helping but it's a constant struggle just as any other type of addiction.
Twinkle Twat pops up every now and then with a text or email. She has the car that they leased and can't pay for because of her financial situation. It's their only tie to one another. He wants to buy her out of the car but she won't agree to that. I know that this is going to be her way back in. I want to do something to stop this before it's too late. What to do and how to go about it? Or do I just let it go and hope for the best?
Thoughts, advice, prayers and info from anyone that has dealt with a Narcissist are welcome.
Me:57H:62 M:34T:35 2S,2D (grown nlah) BD:09/2012 visits M ow EA/PA?:10/2012 H moves out 06/2013
"Do not let the behavior of others destroy your inner peace." -Dalai Lama
I think you need to stay out of the car business and allow him to figure things out. He got himself into this mess, therefore he needs to get himself out. You can't rescue him. He'll never grow up if you do this.
He will need to get this car business taken care of asap and stop all contact w/her. He's certainly not going to be able to negotiate w/her on the car, so he needs to contact the car company about it and advise them of the situation and that he's not going to pay any more on it. That they can come and repo it. It's a loss, but it's better to have this loss than to continue dealing w/her. The only advice I for him is to run as far and as hard as he can from her.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Yeah, I agree with letting the company repo the car. He'll take a hit on his credit but it's better than the alternative.
What really s@cks is that you have to sit back and watch him pine over this crazy biatch. While it's not uncommon for them to have a period of withdrawal from the OP, this seems....extreme. And the more extreme it is, the more insulting it must seem to you.
I wouldn't put any part of your life on hold for this. Get out and LIVE your life. Don't be the reliable Plan B - he may snap out of it sooner if it dawns on him that other men might be interested in your fabulous self.
