Raliced, I am with you on this one. I want my stuff done and signed and through the courts. She has already balked at 3 things we initially agreed on and I just had to swallow it because her idea of negotiating was to threaten me with a full on D. So you are right, the WAS can quickly turn jerk-y. This goes against most DB principles but I think its pretty important to get your "assets" covered, so to speak !
M42 W40 T17 M15 S13 S11 BD 7-14 A discovered 7-14 WAW moved out 10-3-14 D final 2-23-15
I'm always a little worried that STBX will turn jerk-y.
I worry a little about this sometimes. H and I have been nothing but civil to each other, and since he moved out he's been downright nice. But I'm always aware that I never thought he'd cheat and leave, either, so I'm vigilant about checking the bank accounts, etc. for anything suspicious. I'm ready to take care of myself if need be. But until then it's advantageous to keep playing nice.
Since I've dropped the rope, I've stopped worrrying about emasculating STBX and am going to focus on getting some stuff done that fell on "his side of the house".
I'm putting together a list and doing research about a list of household projects that need to get done and that I would like to put into motion after the new year.
1. The people we bought this house from were border line hoarders. They left behind two antique wood stoves in pieces and a industrial strength gun safe with no lock in the garage. I'm not sure if these items have value as scrap or not and will need to investigate. I'd like them out of the way.
2. They also left behind a non functioning large wood chipper. Again, not sure if its worth repairing, if it has value as is, or just needs to be hauled to the dump.
3. I live on a wooded 10 acres. I want to look into logging the 2 acres behind the house which would give the house a view and be better for fire safety. It's possible this might also be a source of extra money for me. STBX was opposed to this because he preferred the "security" of no one being able to see the house behind the trees (you'd only be able to see it briefly from a specific point in the road post logging) and frankly I was worried about him demaning a share of the proceeds, but he has now signed off on a quit claim deed to the property.
4. There is a semi finished area above our garage, that I would like to turn into a functioning apartment (previous owners started but didn't finish). The floors are finished and there is electricity, and kitchen cabinets are installed, but it needs plumbing and some dry walling. This would raise the value of my property significantly and also give me the possiblity of side income if I could ever find a tenant I was comfortable with.
Since I've dropped the rope, I've stopped worrrying about emasculating STBX and am going to focus on getting some stuff done that fell on "his side of the house".
Raliced, I'm impressed. Most of those things are pretty intimidating to me. How did I get to be such a girl? Good for you for taking them on!
Since I've dropped the rope, I've stopped worrrying about emasculating STBX and am going to focus on getting some stuff done that fell on "his side of the house".
I'm putting together a list and doing research about a list of household projects that need to get done and that I would like to put into motion after the new year.
1. The people we bought this house from were border line hoarders. They left behind two antique wood stoves in pieces and a industrial strength gun safe with no lock in the garage. I'm not sure if these items have value as scrap or not and will need to investigate. I'd like them out of the way.
2. They also left behind a non functioning large wood chipper. Again, not sure if its worth repairing, if it has value as is, or just needs to be hauled to the dump.
3. I live on a wooded 10 acres. I want to look into logging the 2 acres behind the house which would give the house a view and be better for fire safety. It's possible this might also be a source of extra money for me. STBX was opposed to this because he preferred the "security" of no one being able to see the house behind the trees (you'd only be able to see it briefly from a specific point in the road post logging) and frankly I was worried about him demaning a share of the proceeds, but he has now signed off on a quit claim deed to the property.
4. There is a semi finished area above our garage, that I would like to turn into a functioning apartment (previous owners started but didn't finish). The floors are finished and there is electricity, and kitchen cabinets are installed, but it needs plumbing and some dry walling. This would raise the value of my property significantly and also give me the possiblity of side income if I could ever find a tenant I was comfortable with.
That should keep me busy for a while.
Wonderful moving forward in to your life plans.
I've learned that for the right price there are people who will buy just about anything. You may not make a mint but they pay you to haul it away.
I love projects! Yours sound really great.
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
Supposedly the 5 acres next to me was logged for a significant amount of money, but its a level parcel and they left it a mess. Amounts vary wildly, but worst case scenario, I should get a nice view in exchange for the timber value.
I'm in a weird place this week. I know I have a long ways to go in terms of healing and growing, but I think I've finally stopped with the "I can't believe this has happened" and "I can't believe STBX has done this" and have maybe moved on to fully dealing with what is. I still think a traditional family would be the best for my daughters, but I guess I'm starting to really accept that I personally will be ok. I loved my husband, and I really do believe he's a good man, although his actions now are troubling. He will be in my life forever due to the children we share, and I genuinely hope we can come to some positive place.
I know that several posters on threads I read regularly wonder if they will find love again. Sometimes I think there must be something wrong with me because I don't worry or wonder about that at all. Maybe I'm still too close to it all.
I have been spending more thought on some of the dreams I feel I have had to give up due to all of this. Because of the increases in our income we projected over the years, I expected to be able to travel fairly extensively with our daughters and I confess to having a dream of being able to cut back my work hours to 30 a week for a few years (3 or 4) to be able to participate a bit more in the girl's childhood activities. At first I felt that I would have to let these things go - there's just no way without two full incomes coming in - and it was one of the things that made me a little sad, but I've been looking at it lately and you know what? I just need to figure it out. I'm already in process towards getting a work from home job that should give me a lot more schedule flexibility - not the same thing as reduced hours - but close to the same effect. And for the travel? There's always a way. Maybe income from renting out the apartment - maybe I figure out a second income stream or maybe I just get a lot more aggressive career wise. I'm not giving up on that one.
I confess to having a dream of being able to cut back my work hours to 30 a week for a few years (3 or 4) to be able to participate a bit more in the girl's childhood activities.
Raliced, I actually thought I was going to be able to stop working all together this past fall. I really wanted to quit and focus on my kids and my house and my H more. As it turned out, I focused on my H way more that I wanted to, all while working full time. Sigh....... Sometimes things don't go the way we expect, do they?
I'm one of those people who wonder if I'll find love again, but not in an obsessive way. As much fun as it would be to have someone that cares about me, I am not ready right now. For starters, I'm still M. But even if I weren't, I need to get back to self-sufficiency before I bring someone else into the mix. I want to be in a healthy place to start a new R, not a desperate one, and that's going to take time.
You sound like you are in such a stong place. Good for you.
I have been spending more thought on some of the dreams I feel I have had to give up due to all of this. Because of the increases in our income we projected over the years, I expected to be able to travel fairly extensively with our daughters and I confess to having a dream of being able to cut back my work hours to 30 a week for a few years (3 or 4) to be able to participate a bit more in the girl's childhood activities. At first I felt that I would have to let these things go - there's just no way without two full incomes coming in - and it was one of the things that made me a little sad, but I've been looking at it lately and you know what? I just need to figure it out. I'm already in process towards getting a work from home job that should give me a lot more schedule flexibility - not the same thing as reduced hours - but close to the same effect. And for the travel? There's always a way. Maybe income from renting out the apartment - maybe I figure out a second income stream or maybe I just get a lot more aggressive career wise. I'm not giving up on that one.
Life is full of surprises, and you never know where this may lead you. Don't give up on dreams, just find different ways to get there.
Some things that seemed oh so important before this experience may not look quite as important now. Others may be more important.
You seem to be an open, creative thinker, capitalize on that.
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
