There have been positive changes recently. First, it has been two weeks since I initiated an R talk. During that one she mentioned that as we keep things light and fun her sadness at staying the marriage lessens, and her excitement at leaving is also lessened. So I have focused on not discussing the R with her.
We were physically intimate over the weekend and it was very much like it used to be back when we were still passionate. Except she still won't kiss me during sex.
Other than that I am still trying to be aloof, present, detached etc. Affection has been much more present, though I am trying not to initiate affection.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
The last two days W hasn't been singing on the karaoke app. I can see when she sings, you don't even need account to see someone else's recordings. After 2 weeks of doing hardly anything but singing on the app while D is at school and I am at work, yesterday and today nothing.
Lots of possibilities why. Maybe she feels watched by my being able to see the songs she records? Is this a test? It is such an unusual behavior that I can't even begin to guess what it means.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Now my mind is spinning. I am emotionally out of control worried about what she may be doing. Is she messaging with someone? I need to try to not discuss it with her. It is just weird that she went from multiple recordings per hour on Monday to nothing yesterday and today.
I need to not mention it! I could potentially look into it but if she thinks I suspect anything she'll go stealth on it. I am wondering if there is an OM3.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Stop pursuing. Think about what pursuing looks like. Now stop.
What happens when something is chased? It runs. Stop chasing and she will probably pursue you. A much more powerful position.
I sense that you are new in this and probably still angry. Anger is an energy. Use that energy to GAL. Regardless of how this turns out you will be better off. You will.
M 53 W 54, M since 98 D15, D19 8/2013 discovered EA, W maintained contact with OM until 10/14 7/2/17 W said she wanted S, 7/25/17 moved out of MBR 12/17 W says moving out 5/18, W still in home.
Stop pursuing. Think about what pursuing looks like. Now stop.
What happens when something is chased? It runs. Stop chasing and she will probably pursue you. A much more powerful position.
I sense that you are new in this and probably still angry. Anger is an energy. Use that energy to GAL. Regardless of how this turns out you will be better off. You will.
It is just hard. I am too emotionally vested in her. She is the only person I dated for more than 6 months. I was 29 when we got married, so that was a lot of short term relationships, mostly ended by me. A couple were ended by the girl. Once I met my W I fell pretty hard pretty fast. So much big important stuff in common. Like church, importance of doing the right things, etc.
The only other longer term relationship was a very unhealthy on again off again relationship with a girl I've known my whole life. I was definitely her plan B. And in her mind, even though we are both married and have kids, she still sees me as her fallback plan. But that is a whole story of its own.
But back to my W, I just can't imagine life without her. The thought of losing her freaks me out. So even though I can put up a good front, I know that deep down I feel panicked about the prospect of her leaving. It has been only 11 1/2 weeks since BD and it feels like it has been 11 years. I have strong moments and times. I have strong days. Then I have weak ones. One event or thing can send me spiraling. So yeah, it has been a struggle.
I am going out with some coworkers tonight. That should help.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Steve, I agree with RR, stop pursuing. The weekend was good, leave it at that. Continue with detachment. If she comes back again, keep on keeping on. Make her keep coming back by continuing to detach, lovingly.
I should try to follow my own words, lol. I'm not very good at it myself.
Me-44,H-44 S21,S19,S17,D13 M-22,T-29 (off and on prior to M) BD:12-20-17 (H said he had things to work out in his head) H moved out:3-4-18
Steve, I agree with RR, stop pursuing. The weekend was good, leave it at that. Continue with detachment. If she comes back again, keep on keeping on. Make her keep coming back by continuing to detach, lovingly.
I should try to follow my own words, lol. I'm not very good at it myself.
I'm with you. I can tell other people what they should do much better than actually doing it myself!
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
So I'm feeling kind of stupid. Last night after getting home I noticed a notebook sitting on the bar in the kitchen. It was an old self improvement notebook she started years ago. Lots of notes in there related to cleaning the house better, making better meals, taking care of herself better. Like showering more often, etc.
So apparently she was reading through her notes ion that stuff and here I've been thinking the worst.
I'm so bad at this.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
