M 53 W 54, M since 98 D15, D19 8/2013 discovered EA, W maintained contact with OM until 10/14 7/2/17 W said she wanted S, 7/25/17 moved out of MBR 12/17 W says moving out 5/18, W still in home.
Quick update. W continues to yammer and I continue to validate. D18 is home from school and I stay out of the way. W seems to enjoy my company and I tend to slip away before it gets old. Nothing like having a looming deadline hanging over your head.
M 53 W 54, M since 98 D15, D19 8/2013 discovered EA, W maintained contact with OM until 10/14 7/2/17 W said she wanted S, 7/25/17 moved out of MBR 12/17 W says moving out 5/18, W still in home.
So after a good day, I head to IC and traffic is heavy and I arrive 3 minutes late.I hate being late. I am usually 10 min. early to everything. Anyway, it started an ill mood and then when I got there I was given the occasional update questionnaire and asked to fill it out. If I had known I would have arrived even earlier than usual. Anyway, this added to the mood. So between short-term annoyances and the weight of my overall stitch, I unloaded on the counselor.
She was delighted because she has never understood the concepts in DB. She asked why I was afraid to share my honest feeling to my W. After explaining it had nothing to do with fear and expanded on the DB approach to the rules, 180 etc., and how any healthy expression was just not in the cards at this time. Seeing that IC is all about self-care it is understandable how it can seem contrived and stifling.
I explained starting an R talk and dumping my anger about the whole stitch was not unlike itching when one has Chickenpox. It might seem like the natural thing to do. It might feel good in the short term, but ultimately it is the wrong thing to do. It would mostly escalate in an argument and could possibly give fuel to her fire in proceeding with a D. I had to clarify that my reluctance had nothing to do with fear but more with strategy and not a manipulation.
Anyway, I guess this post is more of a vent or journaling. But IC doesn't quite get DBing.
M 53 W 54, M since 98 D15, D19 8/2013 discovered EA, W maintained contact with OM until 10/14 7/2/17 W said she wanted S, 7/25/17 moved out of MBR 12/17 W says moving out 5/18, W still in home.
While looking at Ws bible study prayer requests I saw in her handwriting
"lead me not into temptation, but deliver me from the evil"
Yea, I know I shouldn't snoop. Yes I know it was personal.
At first, I told myself it could mean many things. After a while, it began to eat at me. I have become hypervigilant.
M 53 W 54, M since 98 D15, D19 8/2013 discovered EA, W maintained contact with OM until 10/14 7/2/17 W said she wanted S, 7/25/17 moved out of MBR 12/17 W says moving out 5/18, W still in home.
While looking at Ws bible study prayer requests I saw in her handwriting
"lead me not into temptation, but deliver me from the evil"
Yea, I know I shouldn't snoop. Yes I know it was personal.
At first, I told myself it could mean many things. After a while, it began to eat at me. I have become hypervigilant.
Why did that eat at you? Most LBH would love to have their WW write that! Shows she wants to do the right thing.
I've often said, I don't know how the people that are not religious go through this stuff. God, His Word, my faith, and prayer have been my solace these last 3+ months.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Yes it does, but it doesn't show what the right thing is to her. It could also mean that R with RR17 is the evil. That's why one shouldn't put to much emphasis on stuff like that.
M:46 WXW:40 T:20 M:13 D3,D8,D10 BD:11/12/16 D:12/14/16 OM confirmed 01/20/17
While looking at Ws bible study prayer requests I saw in her handwriting
"lead me not into temptation, but deliver me from the evil"
Yea, I know I shouldn't snoop. Yes I know it was personal.
At first, I told myself it could mean many things. After a while, it began to eat at me. I have become hypervigilant.
Why did that eat at you? Most LBH would love to have their WW write that! Shows she wants to do the right thing.
I've often said, I don't know how the people that are not religious go through this stuff. God, His Word, my faith, and prayer have been my solace these last 3+ months.
I can't argue with any of what you say. It also appears that she is lying and there is OM.
Originally Posted By: Btrow
Originally Posted By: Steve85
Shows she wants to do the right thing
Yes it does, but it doesn't show what the right thing is to her. It could also mean that R with RR17 is the evil. That's why one shouldn't put to much emphasis on stuff like that.
I don't think that R with RR17 is the evil. But who knows?
She seems to find time to spend time together. She seems to behave as if spending time with me is the right thing to do. But you're right. Who knows?
This kind of feedback is good. Left to my own interpretation is maddening.
M 53 W 54, M since 98 D15, D19 8/2013 discovered EA, W maintained contact with OM until 10/14 7/2/17 W said she wanted S, 7/25/17 moved out of MBR 12/17 W says moving out 5/18, W still in home.
D18 went back to school today. D15 is off to the beach with a friend. Just us two for the week.
Wish me strength, discipline and some luck.
All advice appreciated.
M 53 W 54, M since 98 D15, D19 8/2013 discovered EA, W maintained contact with OM until 10/14 7/2/17 W said she wanted S, 7/25/17 moved out of MBR 12/17 W says moving out 5/18, W still in home.
Journaling: So, empty nesters for the week. W has been nice and respectful. I guess we have been more like platonic roommates. But she seems to want to spend time with me.
Well, I have to say that I was feeling a bit proud of myself for not trying to initiating sex the last several days. A couple times I felt it might have been expected.
Tonight I decided that the mood was right and at the typical bedtime I said: "care to come up?" W: "For what?" M: "Whatever" W: in a disgusted tone "No", ""For one thing I started" void of any respect or consideration.
M "Okay"
Then I went upstairs and began to feel slighted. I didn't deserve that tone and it pissed me off.
I went downstairs and asked why she answered in such a disgusted tone. W said she didn't know. I explained that I didn't deserve it and that it had nothing to do with her not agreeing, but that I felt I deserved some consideration when being turned down. Like my feelings matter. Everything else in her recent behavior seemed kind and considerate, but not now. She simply said she didn't know why.
I walked off feeling better for voicing my concern yet not allowing it to escalate. That and wondering why a person wouldn't at least wonder why.
M 53 W 54, M since 98 D15, D19 8/2013 discovered EA, W maintained contact with OM until 10/14 7/2/17 W said she wanted S, 7/25/17 moved out of MBR 12/17 W says moving out 5/18, W still in home.
RR17, some advice I was given early on was to not initiate sex. Apparently there is nothing less attractive to a WAW/WW than a husband trying for sex.
Maybe Arista or sandi can tell you more about it, but I was advised against it, and told if she initiate I could go through with it as long as I didn't read anything into it.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
