M 53 W 54, M since 98 D15, D19 8/2013 discovered EA, W maintained contact with OM until 10/14 7/2/17 W said she wanted S, 7/25/17 moved out of MBR 12/17 W says moving out 5/18, W still in home.
M 53 W 54, M since 98 D15, D19 8/2013 discovered EA, W maintained contact with OM until 10/14 7/2/17 W said she wanted S, 7/25/17 moved out of MBR 12/17 W says moving out 5/18, W still in home.
On your last point, you've been with this woman a longtime. So likely you can detect when she might not be being honest. I know that my wife has a way of saying no to something when the answer is really yes that reveals that the no is either soft or flat out not a no.
When I noticed she had lost weight last fall I jokingly said, "Are you going to leave me?" She said "No." with the body language that meant, "I am telling you no to save your feelings." Truth is by that point she was already feeling pangs of wanting to leave the marriage. Of course at the time I ignored it. I got the verbal answer I wanted so I buried the body language in the sand. Looking back I could see that her "I am telling you what you want to hear" body language was there. Even worse, the body language was almost like a "No, I wish I could but I don't see a way to leave."
So when we DB well, those that have been with our spouse for over 15, or 20 years can usually tell if their responses are genuine or not. I know earlier in my sitch she answered a lot of questions with the soft answer body language. My wife is a big of a Nice Girl. She will put others feeling and needs ahead of their own especially if she feels they deserve it. So she wants to answer your question in a way to spare your feelings.
From BD until about mid-Feb, there were times when she remembered she didn't think I deserved my feelings and needs to be above her so she was blunt. But there was a a lot of soft answers as she started noticing my changes.
In a nut shell, what I have is W saying, when cornered "No, I wish I could but I don't see a way to leave." But actions that show differently. Much like sandi2 described earlier in another thread. I see more consideration and respect than I have seen in a decade. Not phony respect in an effort to deceive but honest respect.
Steve85, my W too lost some weight and started buying clothes years ago during her EA. I never say pictures of her, but of OM.
This is not the case as of current.
M 53 W 54, M since 98 D15, D19 8/2013 discovered EA, W maintained contact with OM until 10/14 7/2/17 W said she wanted S, 7/25/17 moved out of MBR 12/17 W says moving out 5/18, W still in home.
DBing is like sausage. Everbody likes it, but nobody likes how it's made.
M 53 W 54, M since 98 D15, D19 8/2013 discovered EA, W maintained contact with OM until 10/14 7/2/17 W said she wanted S, 7/25/17 moved out of MBR 12/17 W says moving out 5/18, W still in home.
So I'm sitting here at 5:30 am on a Saturday reading about all these miserable situations and feeling sorry for my own self.
I think the hardest part of this whole thing is sometimes the thing to do is to do nothing. I read about younger LBHs and they often sit there and do nothing. I think to myself, my gosh man, do something. While I sit here thinking, no matter what you feel, just don't do anything.
M 53 W 54, M since 98 D15, D19 8/2013 discovered EA, W maintained contact with OM until 10/14 7/2/17 W said she wanted S, 7/25/17 moved out of MBR 12/17 W says moving out 5/18, W still in home.
That is known as the illusion of action. You feel like you have to show her how much you love her actions. The reality is that all you should be doing is moving forward and deciding want kinda of man you want to become. The rest will work itself out.
True LH, but if your W is in the middle of an A you need to do something for your own sanity and self-dignity.
Controlling others is a different thing.
But you are correct, yet action is the answer. Action directed at yourself. I say this to remind myself. I need it. Expectations get in the way.
M 53 W 54, M since 98 D15, D19 8/2013 discovered EA, W maintained contact with OM until 10/14 7/2/17 W said she wanted S, 7/25/17 moved out of MBR 12/17 W says moving out 5/18, W still in home.
We are here -we are all hurting- we are all here to support one another. From my short time here- I find keeping the mind occupied helps. Don't get me wrong- many times these negative thoughts come into your head and just drag you down like the titanic. But we still got to stay positive. As a friend put it... discard all stinkin thinkin. Good luck to you on your journey RR.
M51 w50 T-20Yrs M-16Yrs S15- mad at W for not trying and giving up 1 Awesum dog BD 10/31/17 separate rooms 02/08/18 wife moved out 05/17/18
