M 53 W 54, M since 98 D15, D19 8/2013 discovered EA, W maintained contact with OM until 10/14 7/2/17 W said she wanted S, 7/25/17 moved out of MBR 12/17 W says moving out 5/18, W still in home.
Just an update: Wife continues to demonstrate consideration and respect. She seems to be moving closer. I am cognizant and apprehensive. I am aware that it may be temporary, it might even just be my exaggerated imagination. When it is appropriate she will make it clear and easy.
I would like to share for the benefit of others going through this. Even when things are looking like they are on the uptick, sometimes this whole thing can get you down. Yesterday I was taking it easy, just relaxing and I started to feel a bit sad. Not the dark pit of despair that I felt before when I felt like life wouldn't go on and that I had this big miss that I needed to fix. lol
I laugh because I feel so much different now. Detachment is the difference. The whole concept is difficult to explain and oh so important. So important to consistently maintain. Fear is the obstacle. It is like a diet. You are afraid to start. You have to commit. You will struggle at points. You will slip. Just recommit and get back to it. Drop the rope. WWs will notice and may test you. Know that it is a test and not total and complete Recon. Guard your heart.
So when most of the time I am self-assured and confident lately, there are still bouts of weakness. Don't show it. It will pass.
Get back on that diet.
M 53 W 54, M since 98 D15, D19 8/2013 discovered EA, W maintained contact with OM until 10/14 7/2/17 W said she wanted S, 7/25/17 moved out of MBR 12/17 W says moving out 5/18, W still in home.
Drop the rope mean letting go. Let them go. Stop controlling or trying to control your W. Stop allowing them to have control over you and your well being. Detach, become unenmeshed within your MR Differentiation of Self, your thoughts, and your feeling are separate, and separate from who you are. Don't allow the thoughts and feelings of others define who you really are. Their thoughts and feelings are self serving at best.
Ws test, see the test and pass the test. The right answer is that you are a strong man and will be in control of yourself. Those that try to control others do it mostly out of fear.
M 53 W 54, M since 98 D15, D19 8/2013 discovered EA, W maintained contact with OM until 10/14 7/2/17 W said she wanted S, 7/25/17 moved out of MBR 12/17 W says moving out 5/18, W still in home.
So last night I initiated a trip to see fireworks. I thought it was the masculine thing to do and then after I wondered if it is pursuing. Or perhaps testing the waters since I have seen a change. Either way, whatever.
D19 was off with her friends, D15 went to a movie.
We picked up a 6 pack and went to the place to sit and watch.
Before the show, W opened up about the idiots at her work and I listened and validated some, but soon became annoyed with the rant. Besides, I was preoccupied with watching the entitled young parents and their misbehaving kids. We were on a golf course with yellow tape to limit access and protect the course and let's just say that some people don't think rules apply to them or their broods. I really didn't pay my full attention to her gripes, but I could only imagine how in the past our roles may have been reversed.
I simply intended to enjoy the fireworks. The lights and sounds and oh yea, people watch.
M 53 W 54, M since 98 D15, D19 8/2013 discovered EA, W maintained contact with OM until 10/14 7/2/17 W said she wanted S, 7/25/17 moved out of MBR 12/17 W says moving out 5/18, W still in home.
One of the things that I have had trouble with and still continue to have trouble with is being in the present. When someone speaks put your full effort into not just the words that are being said but moreso the feelings behind the words that are spoken to you . I hope this helps. Cheers!
M51 w50 T-20Yrs M-16Yrs S15- mad at W for not trying and giving up 1 Awesum dog BD 10/31/17 separate rooms 02/08/18 wife moved out 05/17/18
Lol, I was in the present. I was enjoying and observing what was going on in front of me. I just got tired of listening to a rant about what happened earlier and decided not to suffer the story. Wolf, if you struggle, you should try practicing mindfulness. There are countless videos and books. I had to look into it a while back to help break the bad habit of rumination. I think it helped.
M 53 W 54, M since 98 D15, D19 8/2013 discovered EA, W maintained contact with OM until 10/14 7/2/17 W said she wanted S, 7/25/17 moved out of MBR 12/17 W says moving out 5/18, W still in home.
RR my thought was you needed to put more emphasis on being in the present with your wife. Listen intently-Isn't that what a good partner does? Although she may rant- she may need you there to just listen. Not putting your attention on other less important issues. My 2 cents.
M51 w50 T-20Yrs M-16Yrs S15- mad at W for not trying and giving up 1 Awesum dog BD 10/31/17 separate rooms 02/08/18 wife moved out 05/17/18
Why not just say that I didn't spend enough time listening and validating?
How would you know if it was enough? I did say that I listened and validated.
"Isn't that what a good partner does? In the event that this wasn't rhetorical, I going to answer. Yes, that is what a good partner does, to a point. At some point, it can become excessive and feels inequitable. At that point, the partnership may feel one-sided and it is imposable to be a good partner in an inequitable partnership.
M 53 W 54, M since 98 D15, D19 8/2013 discovered EA, W maintained contact with OM until 10/14 7/2/17 W said she wanted S, 7/25/17 moved out of MBR 12/17 W says moving out 5/18, W still in home.
Gordie 40s W 40s M20+ kids 2016 BD W fantasy affair w OM1 I do everything wrong 2017 I start to DB W says TLTL files for D PA w OM2 2018 I do LRT W drops filing and OM2 situation slowly improving
