Had a needed and painful discussion about letting M go and what it means. Didn't bring up anything about hope or signs or anything. Just had a necessary and painful discussion about something that may happen (D). We talked about experiencing the cycle of pain and not suppressing it. Even though I don't want to feel it anymore, I'm afraid that I'm going to be going through this for months (he said possibly two years...hello 2019). He said that the journey I'm on is a painful one, but a lot of lessons and rebuilding is being done. He said it's fine to GAL, but not to use it as an opiate from the pain I will feel (kind of what W is doing with OM).
That being said, I don't know what W is going to encounter these next few months. What I do know is that I need reinforcement that I cannot rescue her and that she needs to go through this painful journey that I have been taking. Without the salve of OM, without the salve of a prostitute, without the salve of drugs or alcohol.
That being said, I'm go to be leaning on you all even more. I promise my contributions are coming.
P....I agree you need to feel and process every emotion. Early on I cried every morning, night, and sometimes during the day for no reason. Feel them all as it will help you get to the other side.
Same. Even as recently as last week after I admitted that it's over I was crying almost daily. This week, a few sadness and tears. I know a big cry is coming, and I may need it.
Also, I meant to say that I'm going to be leaning on you all even more and that I promise my contributions are coming.
It's ok P...we have all been there. Just know that little by little over time it will and does get better.
Thanks Joseph. One day at a time, right?
Plans all day and evening today. Going to catch up with a friend in the city, followed by a guest visit to a mosque. Possible jazz evening afterwards.
I also need to get ready for rafting tomorrow.
Would also like some insight as well from the appointment with MC yesterday. I keep getting thrown into a loop but I keep feeling like W and I are on parallel paths, but different approaches. Or I can just be fooling myself into believing what I want to believe and setting myself up for failure again.
Don't text your W and don't get involved with OW. Take 1 day, 1 hour, 1 minute, 1 second at a time. Your emotions will cycle but eventually you will be able to string several minutes or hours together. Eventually you will notice periods of time where you are distracted and not thinking about your XW or sitch. Eventually over time your emotions and your focus shift. Eventually you just get wore out from thinking about it and you start moving forward. Over time you pick yourself up off the ground, dust yourself off, and start walking again. It just takes time.
Don't text your W and don't get involved with OW. Take 1 day, 1 hour, 1 minute, 1 second at a time. Your emotions will cycle but eventually you will be able to string several minutes or hours together. Eventually you will notice periods of time where you are distracted and not thinking about your XW or sitch. Eventually over time your emotions and your focus shift. Eventually you just get wore out from thinking about it and you start moving forward. Over time you pick yourself up off the ground, dust yourself off, and start walking again. It just takes time.
She called. We chatted. Light humorous banter. Talked business and plans about this weekend and next week. Asked me to sleep in her bed while W's mom is babysitting D4.
