Recap of last couple posts: W is calling my cell and office, demanding that I call her back, and threatening to shut off my phone. I have not responded in 3 days.
My mom and sister are saying that I'm putting off conversations. Now I have a real question, should I see what she wants to talk about and tell WW she can talk to me at home?
H 34 W 29 BD 3/12/18 Divorce Busted Spring 19
It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
It is up to you how and when you wish to communicate
She is not acting like your w
So you do not need to treat her like w
But you can be kind to her like a neighbor who is trying to contact you
If a neighbor I did not want to speak to did that
I might get back when convenient and say
Like Steve said what is up
Do not offer an apology for being slow to get back
If she immediately gets feisty
Feel free to end the call
Gordie 40s W 40s M20+ kids 2016 BD W fantasy affair w OM1 I do everything wrong 2017 I start to DB W says TLTL files for D PA w OM2 2018 I do LRT W drops filing and OM2 situation slowly improving
You can also text and ask her "What's up?". Leave it at that. If she calls, don't answer. If you are tempted to answer, text her back instead and say "Can't talk. Busy." I'm learning if you convey GAL to S, all the better. I'm not saying fake GAL. I am saying to make it seem like you are GAL to the max and YDGAF (you) unless it's about your kids.
Ovr, I have always been confused by the call ignoring that happens on various sitches here. Wouldn’t true detachment be that you just return the courtesy call as if you would for any other person and let it be casual? If you are angry then let it go to VM, if she doesn’t call repeatedly or use some other form of contact it cannot be urgent right ? If a neighbor called you how would you react? Don’t make it a priority at the same time may be don’t ignore as if she doesn’t exist. We all need to achieve apathy not harbor hate which is hard. Hate is but an extreme end emotion of the love you felt before, detachment is not hate in my opinion, it is more like believing they don’t exist and can’t affect you anymore
I agree about not ignoring, arsh. But also don't always answer. Only call back if they request a call back. Don't make it a priority. But no detachment isn't ignoring. It's just not prioritizing the response.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
I appreciate everyone's thoughts on this. It really matters to me.
She did call Sunday afternoon. I didn't answer b/c I didn't want to ruin my day.
On Monday and Tuesday, she calls while I'm at work. I'm not going to be there for her, and take time out of my work day, if she is not coming home at night. If I call her while she is at the OM apt, will I get an answer? So why stop my day to do something she won't do for me?
She only wants to lie to me and keep me as her backup plan anyways. Or maybe she was serious a few weeks back when she was "trying", but I still don't want to be there for someone who flip flops this much.
A few weeks back it was "I love you," "I told OM it's over," and "Let's put our rings on," "give me a hug and kiss goodbye", and frequent communication. She did this type of thing back in June when she came home for our anniversary then disappeared after. I don't want to be there for someone who does all of this to me, hides her money, spends my money, forges my signature on a check, lies, and cheats.
I don't know that this is a long term strategy to do anything, but in the meantime it keeps me happier and safer. I don't think this situation has much hope anyways. Her threatening follow up texts saying "I have 5 min to answer my phone" and threatening to shut off my phone make me think it is not about anything important, but rather her wanting to control me.
She's been gone every night but 1 in the last almost 3 weeks. Why do I need to communicate with her? She has someone else. And she keeps saying it is not an affair. OK, then leave me, your EX, the hell alone.
I went back and read Sandi's post to me, it was in June. It was all about letting her go. WW wants to be done, she wants someone else, she broke my heart. And I'm getting me back, had such an awesome night Saturday getting attention from women. I'm starting to see that life won't be so bad if divorce happens. I'm thinking about the girl who gave me her number and god do I want to see her. She is smoking. Why the hell do I want someone like my WW? I don't. She'd have to change so much to make this work, I just don't know if it will ever happen - I'd bet against it. So screw answering her phone calls.
I'm not sure what going dark means exactly, but the more she is gone the better I am feeling, the more peaceful my house and life is.
P.S. sorry for the wall of text!!!
H 34 W 29 BD 3/12/18 Divorce Busted Spring 19
It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
It was "urgent" that I talked to Spectrum (cable/internet company) to authorize a change she wanted.
Last week she was ready for divorce again. Why change something on the account in my name?
I didn't respond or answer the calls. This is frivolous. She needs to get used to living without me b/c that's what she says she's going to do. Get used to it woman. Have fun in OM's 1 bed apt that won't fit half of your crap. Have fun running zero business activities b/c you have no legit income to get credit with. Teehee...
H 34 W 29 BD 3/12/18 Divorce Busted Spring 19
It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
Ovrrnbw, it's odd that your WW feels such a need to communicate when she's the one who walked away from the marriage. These wayward spouses are such hypocrites. I really do hope she ends up in a one bedroom apartment in a shitty relationship that ends quickly with no job or money. That's what she deserves. Whatever second chances you were willing to give her she's dwindling those away. It seems she's kind of realizing that which is why she keeps calling. She's starting to lose and you're starting to win. In some ways this is how you know if the other person will come back - if they seem to care when you stop caring. In my husband's case he doesn't care but your wife definitely notices and cares.
That's awesome you met a woman you can see yourself pursuing. You're young. You're still in the age range where people are getting married for the first time and starting out their lives and having kids. It's so easy for you at this age to move on compared to when you're older with kids. This is a huge blessing. You seem like a smart guy.....I can't remember if you're in the one in NYC but if you are there should be plenty of options there. Maybe the smoking hot girl is your future wife.
There seems to be a window of opportunity for each wayward or walkaway spouse to return and once that window closes it's too late forever. I hope your wife thinks deeply. It seems her time is limited.
