Thanks for the feedback, I do hope you are right. I dont think he cares about money to be honest, I think he truly does care about getting time with the baby and he is nervous I will take her from him. She is still so young and this has been such a roller coaster ride.
I have told him in the past that I didnt think I could do 50/50 if we got to this point bc it would be too hard for me to not have her. And he was understanding of that. And now he is saying he doesnt trust me and he is going to do all these things to make sure he has his own rights. And then he said
H: I didnt think i'd have to worry about this but I do W: I never thought it ever. Never. Nobody wins in this. I hope for her sake we can get along. I mean that. H: Stop with her sake H: For her sake you shouldnt have started an argument while im spending time with her H: that could have been a conversation for later H: Thanks
I feel like I am happy I stood my ground, but also that I may have made a huge mistake. my life is about to get 10x moe stressful now. I do not want to get a lawyer and go through a divorce and I do not want to go through a custody battle.
I am still absolutely still in love with my husband. This isnt where I want to be. I know he is angry right now, but I dont see him becoming LESS angry anytime soon. He could easily file for divorce and do all of this out of anger and me be left with my hands in the air wondering how we got to this.
He will do things out of anger and let his pride take over and not stop to really think about if its what he wants or not. I do not operate like that at all. Which is why he will say awful things to me in a fight without a second thought and then calm down and say he is sorry. But this is not a situation he will be sorry in. He feels he has to defend himself in order to have time with our daughter for some reason and I am trying to tell him I will not come between his relationship with her.
This is my worst nightmare. Worst. Him being angry and wanting to do everything through the courts. I dont know how him and I got here. Never would i have ever thought this was a possibility. If he would calm down and think rationally we could absolutely figure out custody on our own. Now he is adding that into wanting a divorce. And I want neither.
I'm out here. You're in such a tough spot right now. But the hardest part for you is realizing that you can't control him. You can choose not to engage in arguments, you can tell the truth when necessary, and DB your butt off. But ultimately he may stay and he may go. It's the same fate we all face. Like anything in life, how we do something is what matters the most.
I noticed you mentioning him wanting to think rationally, but that is probably not a reasonable expectation right now. Instead, realize that many of his choices will be emotionally based. Detachment is about getting away from the emotional, reactionary, charged battles and thinking about what you really want and how to get it.
From what I remember, your H is all over the place. So it's on you to gather all your strength, plus the strength you didn't even know you had, and stand up tall and rise above the emotional mess he is trying to drag you into. In the meantime you protect yourself and make your life the best possible one it can be. You work on yourself, find projects, and you try to heal.
Standing your ground is never a mistake, if he can't respect you for standing your ground and being who you are, he never respected you in the first place.
H 34 W 29 BD 3/12/18 Divorce Busted Spring 19
It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
Thank you so much. I know you are right. The fact that he is dragging custody into this now is what will really tear me into 2. I wish he would calm down and realize we can figure out custody better together than anyone else in the world can. I know its hard bc our hearts are involved so much right now in our own stuff, but this is devastating.
He doesnt realize how hard this is for me. I am the one that WANTS the marriage and he jumps right into divorce as soon as I stand my ground about something. Like its just that easy for him. And then starts saying stuff about custody on top of that. Its like he has NO concern at all for what this is doing to me.
He takes no responsibility. I dont want us to go down this awful road where anger fogs our view of whats important. Hes allowing that to happen and Im not. Im keeping my word and he isnt. How does he not see this?
I want to detach but I feel like now he is about to pull me into such a mess of DIVORCE and custody. Like I cant catch a break. Ive been fighting to keep my family together and have been since BD and hes just so easily tossing it all away and putting us through even more hell now.
I hope Steve is right, I hope he doesnt follow through on what he is saying. But I do think he will file for D. Even if he doesnt let himself think clearly about it, I think he will do it out of anger and pride.
