This evening, someone in her family pointed out to me that she appears to be playing some kind of game...
I would post something on fb about how I feel, then W would post something on her fb that she knew would likely be sent to me, and would upset me. I'd post a pic of myself with S, then within a few minutes she would post a pic of her with S. Then it just goes back and forth.
Today has actually been really great. I got a surprise visit from my older two kids from my first M. That was a great surprise.
I think all of the bs has been helping me detach more and more, because I'm at a point right now that I really don't care anymore what W is doing. Obviously she cares what I think to be watching me so closely, but I think everyone has a point where they say eff it and just stop caring so much.
Maybe that's a good thing. Maybe not. I know the DB principles are good, and they are becoming part of my life in general. So I know that no matter what happens, I'm going to be just fine.
I know there's still some emotional stuff to sort out inside my head, and I know there's still the court stuff to go through.
Honestly...at this point I'm just going to do what I know I need to do and let W figure her own mess out.
I feel better right now. I still wish things were different, but that's not anything I can control. I'm just gonna do me, and see what shakes out.
I was catching up with your previous thread. Steve said some pretty wise things. I just want to add my 2c. IMO you are spending too much time / energy / focus on your W's friend. IMO you should focus on what's essential for your son and yourself.
Probably so. The thing with him is that that would be a totally separate legal battle outside of the realm of the D.
Right now, I'm focused on staying out of legal trouble. They've definitely complicated things. And as long as I keep doing what I'm doing, it'll all be fine, and that'll allow me to see S sooner.
blackmac, I have told OrangeK multiple times that restraining orders are almost a blessing in disguise. Obviously nobody wants one put on them, especially unwarranted. But it does put you into a forced detachment physically, which helps immensely with emotional detachment.
it does make some logistics difficult though (which can cause you to spend too much time thinking about your W), and it can also make DBing difficult because you don't see the point. But remember, GAL is for you! Detachment is for you! 180s are for you! That is how you get better through this. They also sometimes have the side benefit of making your WAW take notice. But the latter should never be the focus or your changes will be genuine.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
This evening, someone in her family pointed out to me that she appears to be playing some kind of game...
Quit talking to her family about your sitch. I mean 100% QUIT IT. It is not helping you, and it WILL get back to your W and she will view that as you being controlling and manipulative.
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I would post something on fb about how I feel, then W would post something on her fb that she knew would likely be sent to me
You have her blocked, so why are you doing this? Who is sharing her info with you? STOP IT!!!!!! You blocked her so you could AVOID this stuff. Whoever is sharing it, just tell them to stop. Tell them you blocked her because it is part of your process of moving on and you don't want them or anyone else sharing her stuff with you.
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I'd post a pic of myself with S, then within a few minutes she would post a pic of her with S. Then it just goes back and forth.
What do you mean "back and forth"? What that means to me is that you think she is doing this stuff to irk you, and you are retaliating. You've got to get off the roller coaster. You need to quit caring about what she posts on FB, and you need to quit posting stuff on FB with the hopes that she'll see it and react. This is all very passive/ aggressive. From now on post stuff because you want to post it and don't give a second thought to what she'll think of it. And stop snooping on her posts.
I don't post things hoping it'll get back to her. I post things, and that's it. My motive isn't to get things to her.
I don't care what she posts. This "posting back and forth" stuff is past. I didn't realize it was even a thing until someone pointed it out. So yeah, I get what you're telling me to do...which is exactly what I have been doing. I'm speaking of things in hindsight.
I only post things because I want to post them. I DON'T care what she thinks of my posts. I haven't for a long time. All I'm saying is that apparently she does, which isn't my problem.
bm, it sounds like a big problem is just the fact that you are both on FB to begin with. Why don't you try to temporarily suspend your FB account and see if things improve?
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
I got a surprise visit from my older two kids from my first M. That was a great surprise. 