Until you truly believe you deserve better you are going to suffer immensely my friend.
That's the trouble- I do, which is why I have legal advice and get things moving- she has never accepted any responsibility or even shown any remorse for anything- so I am at that point now I think- I cannot control how she feels, who knows maybe when sh*t gets real and she recognises I am moving on, she will change her tack . . .I honestly don't know if I could ever trust her again anyway.
Last week while we were away, I stupidly fell for her affection and I feel conned, stupid, used and betrayed all over again. She keeps throwing me crumbs and like a stupid lap dog I am waiting for scraps of hope
M(41), W(37) S (6) D (4) S (2) M-8, T-12 W "I don't love you, I am in love with another man" "I don't know you anymore"
[quote] Last week while we were away, I stupidly fell for her affection and I feel conned, stupid, used and betrayed all over again. She keeps throwing me crumbs and like a stupid lap dog I am waiting for scraps of hope
Shows you have to work on detaching. When you are detached and she gives you crumbs of affection, then you will accept them WITHOUT EXPECTATIONS. The problem wasn't that you accepted her affection, or even returned it, it was that you thought it meant R or moving toward R.
NO EXPECTATIONS.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Last week while we were away, I stupidly fell for her affection and I feel conned, stupid, used and betrayed all over again. She keeps throwing me crumbs and like a stupid lap dog I am waiting for scraps of hope
Shows you have to work on detaching. When you are detached and she gives you crumbs of affection, then you will accept them WITHOUT EXPECTATIONS. The problem wasn't that you accepted her affection, or even returned it, it was that you thought it meant R or moving toward R.
NO EXPECTATIONS.
Thanks Steve. Having took advice from qualified lawyers- as she had made false allegations about me- I have been advised to not go back to the FMH but I did tell her I am staying tonight as I am out with the children tomorrow and I want to give them their breakfast before we head out- if I wasn't at my mothers I would have them stay with me and not go back at all. I know I cannot trust her, and I am intent on detaching- I am already GALing and have lost 3 stones in weight, bought new clothes, so I am taking care of myself. The trouble is now, I cannot stay much longer at my mother's house- they are both getting older and can do without me being round the house all the time and as I say it limits my ability to have my children. I am in a real limbo situation.
M(41), W(37) S (6) D (4) S (2) M-8, T-12 W "I don't love you, I am in love with another man" "I don't know you anymore"
Do ask the lawyes to clarify, weather you not staying in your marital home is detrimental in possible D proceedings. Some cases have been reported that is was viewed as abandonment and judges really do not like abandonment.
Do ask the lawyes to clarify, weather you not staying in your marital home is detrimental in possible D proceedings. Some cases have been reported that is was viewed as abandonment and judges really do not like abandonment.
I already did- as I was on bail I was forced out of the MH and I would not have left otherwise and it is the threat of further false allegations that has prevented my return.
M(41), W(37) S (6) D (4) S (2) M-8, T-12 W "I don't love you, I am in love with another man" "I don't know you anymore"
So . . .another update, she has now said she cannot see any way forward and she would like a Divorce. Up until now we have still been spending time together with the children (Ages 7, 5 and 2) so what do I do now? She won't let me return home- and she has said if I do return home she will leave and take the children with her- as she said she doesn't feel comfortable with me being home. She seems happy with the status quo- me at my mums and her in the MH. I am paying over £1200 pcm for child maintenance and 50% of the mortgage and home insurance. If I do not start proceedings, then I am will be stuck in this limbo until she decides what to do. Any advice?
M(41), W(37) S (6) D (4) S (2) M-8, T-12 W "I don't love you, I am in love with another man" "I don't know you anymore"
Seek legal advice. Do not let her bully you into anything. As I remember you were given advice to return to your marital home and after legal advice you decided not to. That is OK, but time for your A-game. It is apparent to me, she wants to bully you into moving out (which you have), keep paying the expenses and basically enabling her. Again, seek legal advice. Instruct the lawyer to come up with a bulletproof plan for you to remain in your home with the children, and if she wishes to leave, she can do so. I feel for you buddy, this really does suck. At BD, my kids were 2 and 5 (now 6 and 9) so I can only imagine the turmoil.
This situation that was thrust upon you will take all your strength to navigate.
Please bite your tongue and do not even raise your voice against your W, record all your interactions and better yet, have a witness present at interactions. IMO you have to establish a foothold somewhere and anchor your ship there. You have to remember she is no more a parent than you and your rights as a father matter just as much.
Regarding your last question, what would it solve if you filed first? What tactical advantage would it bring you? If you are counting on you filing shaking her to reality, forget it. IMO you are only trying to illicit a reaction. This will do you no good.
