I feel like I had it down and I was so cool around him last week, and now I can already feel myself in my own head not able to find that cool again. Any suggestions?
You and I are thinking the same, kech. Last week I was pretty good at keeping it together and somewhat hopeful. And since this past Saturday, all of that good, hopeful warmth was gone, leaving me in this (very) low.
All I can say is keep up the DBing. Fake being content around him. That's what I've been doing and it's coming more naturally to me now. W sees me as ok. But she cannot see how wrecked I am inside. Maybe that's what we need to work on now? Internal healing while externally DBing?
I can totally relate. My H does little, nice things for me, like bring me coffee in bed, I think it sweet and wonder if he's turning a corner. Then the next day, bam! Profound sadness sets in because I know nothing has changed. We are still just floating along, not making any decisions. Ugh. Hate the roller-coaster ride! I just try to plan my next activity for myself. That helps a bit.
He texted me saying 6ish and I thought to myself, I want to keep this about the baby and I want him to see that I am trying to make an effort to show him I want him and the baby to always have a relationship. So my response to his text was a picture of the baby and I wrote “see you then dad”
He responded and said “thanks very much kelly”
I hope he sees how much I am trying to put my pain on the back burner in order for them to see one another. I want him to know we can figure out coparenting together in the long run, if we do divorce.
I’d love to scream at him and tell him he’s a complete a*shole to be seeing someone else AGAIN. Wow I wish I could like pour my heart out and he could watch my heart bleed, bc that’s I feel about my insides right now. My heart is bleeding.
I want the opportunity to show him the changes I’ve made are permanent. I will try to get out of my own head. What do you think of his “thank you very much” text.
His reactions and behaviors are not a good gauge to see if things are working. He has lots of practice at being deceptive.
His consistency in showing responsibility as a dad will be one thing you can monitor. He is going to be on his BEST BEHAVIOR right now. This will need to be done over the long term. (No just a few weeks).
You are the ROCK for your daughter right now. You will build the NEW foundation for your family. Just be grateful that H does want to be dad. There are so many out there that completely abandon the W and the kids.
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
I’d love to scream at him and tell him he’s a complete a*shole to be seeing someone else AGAIN. Wow I wish I could like pour my heart out and he could watch my heart bleed, bc that’s I feel about my insides right now. My heart is bleeding.
If he gets out of the fog, there will a time for this. Now is not the time.
Originally Posted by kech
I want the opportunity to show him the changes I’ve made are permanent. I will try to get out of my own head.
You will. Every exchange will be an opportunity.
Quote
What do you think of his “thank you very much” text.
Always good to keep it polite. No R talk.
You personal growth through this most difficult time will be one of the best things every. For you and your Daughter.
Last edited by Cadet; 09/11/1812:25 PM. Reason: combine posts
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
Thank you so much. Him saying thank you like that is not normal, so I’m feeling like he said it bc he knows I have no reason to be nice to him right now and I am.
But you’re right. Every interaction is an opportunity. My biggest hardship will be OW. Knowing he’s leaving us at night and seeing her. Knowing someone else is out there falling in love with MY husband, and he’s allowing it. I don’t really know how to overcome those emotions now that I know about it. I don’t know how to let him leave everynighg knowing that’s what he could be doing. I don’t know that I’m strong enough to get through that without losing it
Last edited by Cadet; 09/11/1812:25 PM. Reason: Start a new thread message
Thank you so much. Him saying thank you like that is not normal, so I’m feeling like he said it bc he knows I have no reason to be nice to him right now and I am.
But you’re right. Every interaction is an opportunity. My biggest hardship will be OW. Knowing he’s leaving us at night and seeing her. Knowing someone else is out there falling in love with MY husband, and he’s allowing it. I don’t really know how to overcome those emotions now that I know about it. I don’t know how to let him leave everynighg knowing that’s what he could be doing. I don’t know that I’m strong enough to get through that without losing it
This is why detachment is so important. So many get detachment wrong. it isn't going dark, or ignoring, or being cold. It is simply that the WASs words and actions no longer affect you emotionally. That is what you are striving to get to. A place where he can say and do anything and it rolls off of your back like water off a duck.
Last edited by Cadet; 09/11/1801:12 PM. Reason: Start a new thread message
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Could really use it this morning. Starting a new thread