Interesting from a psychological perspective. I didn't respond to W's text because it wasn't a question. Just a temp check. Now I fear whatever vindictive action she might take. Oh well. But the fear is powerful, and now it's spreading.
I'm worried that somehow, some way, W will find things I've written on here. I suspect that would spell the absolute end of everything.
I don't know why I fear this all of a sudden, except that I read something somewhere earlier about not copy-pasting text messages because then she could search for them and find my posts. And there are a couple times I did copy-paste or use language that was similar enough to what she actually said that she could theoretically find these posts. Also, maybe I'm mis-remembering, but I may have said something about "message boards" during one of our last MC sessions.
I'm on my own laptop so there's no way she can see my history or anything like that.
I'd hate to have to delete all of these posts because they've been incredibly helpful, hopefully for others also.
Plus if she has already seen them, it's all toast anyway.
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Edit: wow, this is hitting me in a really weird way. One moment I feel good about "standing up for myself" and the next moment I'm panicky/paranoid. Definitely need to bring this up w/ IC tomorrow. And like, it's not a huge way to stand up for yourself, just ignoring a single text message...learning some things about myself that I don't like and need to change.
Last edited by burned; 09/27/1804:04 PM. Reason: anxiety spiral
H: 35 W: 33 M: 11 T: 13
4/10/18: I discovered A and confronted ("BD1") 6/23/18: I moved out 8/31/18: MC ends ("BD2")
I'm finding these boards very helpful, but also am worried that H will discover this. Seriously considering deleting my own thread and just using this for information. Love the resource.
Burned, don't reply. You've got to train yourself to quit being so panicky and unsure of yourself, so do it by doing the things you fear- like not replying. The NG in you is saying "what the hell are you doing??? Send her a reply already! Maybe with "I miss you" at the end of it!" But the NG is The Biggest Loser in these situations and you need to expunge him. So don't reply. Then if she asks later why you didn't reply say "I was busy, didn't notice you texted, did you need something?" Remember, you cannot "nice" her back.
I'm finding these boards very helpful, but also am worried that H will discover this. Seriously considering deleting my own thread and just using this for information. Love the resource.
Just to touch on this a little, if you look at my stats I've been here a long time. I only know of three instances where a WAS has found the posts of an LBS on here. In two cases it was because the LBS left their computer/ tablet laying around with the site up and still logged in. In the 3rd case the LBS wasn't even sure his W actually did find it, he just suspected it so he changed his username and asked for his older posts to be deleted. It is highly unlikely a WAS will find your posts because of a random web search. It is much more likely if you read this from home and are forgetful about logging out and closing the window, because WAS's snoop as much as LBS's.
1. Yep, haven't replied yet. No need. But it felt so very, very uncomfortable. I am expunging the NG in me. But the NG is saying, "Just reply, keep the road home paved smooth, she will think you're angry at her," etc. Shut up, NG.
2. Thanks for the reassurance about the relative obscurity of the forum. Not sure how I got myself into such a panic.
3. And then reading Steve's post about The Ref, wishing I could go back in time to BD and just do the exact opposite of what I did. But, as they say, it's not about winning her back. It's about building a better life. Something like that.
H: 35 W: 33 M: 11 T: 13
4/10/18: I discovered A and confronted ("BD1") 6/23/18: I moved out 8/31/18: MC ends ("BD2")
burned, first put your fear aside. Fear will cause you to do things that are harmful to your sitch. Fear produces exactly what we fear most.
Second, don't dwell on mistakes. You can't change them so give them no energy. Put your energy on doing better from this point forward.
You've got this. Well done on not responding to the temp check. It is hard. Every fiber of your being wants to respond. So I know how much it took for you to just ignore it.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
1. Yep, haven't replied yet. No need. But it felt so very, very uncomfortable. I am expunging the NG in me. But the NG is saying, "Just reply, keep the road home paved smooth, she will think you're angry at her," etc. Shut up, NG.
Burned......you are thinking that right now she is sleeping with someone else and you are worried that SHE might be mad at YOU because you didnt answer a lame text that just says "good morning" that she didnt follow up on at all? You are making a mountain out of a molehill here!
She might be mad. Irritated. Relieved. Who knows. It dodesnt matter.
What are YOUR boundaries? RIGHT NOW, is she the kind of person you want as your 'friend'? If not, then why would you reply...?
Right now, I don't have the energy to care what she thinks. If there was something behind the text, other than a temp check, she would have asked by now.
Don't need no crumbs from someone who would treat me like that. Alien space monster who ate my W.
H: 35 W: 33 M: 11 T: 13
4/10/18: I discovered A and confronted ("BD1") 6/23/18: I moved out 8/31/18: MC ends ("BD2")
