Burned is still here. This is thread 6.

[burned]

Old thread: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2814729&page=11

[burned]

Gonna stick this here, just because.

YOU are the catch. YOU are the prize.

Shes losing out on that. No matter how much money she gets or whatever, she is missing out on a great guy and trading him in for someone that is willing to cheat on his wife with someone else's wife.

[job]

Thank you for linking both your new and previous threads together!

[hoosjim]

And I need to resume the focus on myself. But with 4 hours of sleep 2 days in a row,

Do what you can to get it (sleep)-- it is crucial to your overall health, well being, and frame of mind., and, therefore, to GAL-ing and DB-ing.

You've been through (and in some ways still undergoing) a severe trauma. Don't expect your regular sleep pattern to be able to resume overnight. Mine didn't for, ohhhh, prolly 3-4 months.

One word: Unisom.

You're welcome.

[Davide]

Agreed. Sleep is super important, and can be hard to get post BD. Getting enough sleep can really improve your mood and give you the energy to exercise.

I struggles with it regularly for 3-4 months. NyQuill was my go-to at the beginning and that always knocked me out but did leave me groggy in the morning. When I went out west where it was legal some CBD-heavy gummies helped me for a while as well.

I also found that establishing a pattern and sticking to it was helpful. I get up at 530 each weekday whether I need to or not, so my body is tired and ready for bed by 10 p.m if not earlier.

[burned]

Thanks guys. My sleep has gotten a lot better since BD1. Just that for a couple of week's I'm on a foam mattress on the floor of a temporary apartment. It'll get better.

Emotional rollercoaster today. But I'll spare y'all the whiny bits. This is what I came to discuss:

NC w/ W for 3 days and I'm learning to "take the lead" so I thought, hmm, need to respond to W about whether I will take my stuff out of the house this weekend. Problem 1: broken ankle. Problem 2: GAL! Too many people want at me, and it's beautiful weather. I actually have to cancel GAL with friends to do some GAL with family from out of town.

But I didn't want to do my usual "avoid it until she feels like she has to do something because she's sick of me not dealing with the problem." So, what does a strong, independent man do? He ACTS. And he makes his intentions clear to the people he cares about, without fear that his decision will not suit them:

(texts)
Burned: "Hi there. Fairly busy this weekend, so I probably won't be able to go to the house. I'll try to find another time and make sure that it works for you, too."
W: "Thank you, Burned. I appreciate that. I can be flexible, too. And you don't have to do it all at once."

All in all, a very cordial exchange. Like two grown-ups being decent to each other. Interesting to see her pull out the ol' first-name trick. That was one that used to work really well on me back before BD2. And why don't I have to do it all at once? Cake-eating!

How did I do? I am kicking @$$.

[burned]

Ugh! Then an hour later, W: "I’ve been trying to set aside things for you to make it easier. And I cleared the smaller bookshelf from the bedroom for you."

I'm not responding to that, of course. She's saying that for a reason, either to make herself feel better or to make me feel something. I'm not going to give her the satisfaction of knowing that it has any effect on me.

She's being nice because she knows that that will make me more likely to do what SHE wants me to do. It doesn't mean anything. She's just trying to act like she's in control of how things are going to go.

Water off a duck. Time and space, burned, time and space. Not going to be easy to turn this sitch around. Doing the best I can.

[joejoe1]

Great job!!!! That's all!!! Keep kicking @$$.

Well, that text was trying to draw you in. She doesn't know what's going on with you. And since you haven't been ascertive before, she is fishing. Don't let her get a catch. Let her wonder and watch your awesomeness.

I like it. Keep taking action.

[burned]

Aha, so she expects me to say, "Oh, thanks, W, that's very nice of you. I appreciate how helpful you have been." And instead I say NOTHING and she continues to wonder. That does make sense.

[AnotherStander]

All in all, a very cordial exchange. Like two grown-ups being decent to each other.

Yeah that sounded fine. But this:

Interesting to see her pull out the ol' first-name trick. That was one that used to work really well on me back before BD2. And why don't I have to do it all at once? Cake-eating!

Is mind-reading. And so is this:

She's saying that for a reason, either to make herself feel better or to make me feel something.

And so is THIS:

She's being nice because she knows that that will make me more likely to do what SHE wants me to do. It doesn't mean anything. She's just trying to act like she's in control of how things are going to go.

AND SO IS THIS:

Aha, so she expects me to say, "Oh, thanks, W, that's very nice of you. I appreciate how helpful you have been."

I keep warning you over and over to stop this. You are ruining whatever strides towards PMA you might be gaining. STOP dissecting everything she tell you and texts you. Just accept it at face value, PERIOD. She says something nice then accept it as something nice, don't try to spin it into evil intentions.