Update...and again she is just cake eating. After 4 straight days with me and a few last week as well she gave me the "I won't be home after work text", don't think she came home till after 11. Definitely a pattern and I need to stay consistent with what I do. I pretty much dropped the things I had been doing the last few days but I have already been working on my schedule and have plans for tonight.
I haven't had a 2x4 in awhile but I'll take one. I knew this was coming but I guess detaching hasn't been as effective as I thought. I see from other sitches that they wish WS was still living at the house, but in my case I wish she wasn't. Out of sight out of mind would be helpful. This is hard.
H-50 W-48 T-19 M -18 S23, S14 BD - 5/9/2018 OM discovered 5/10/2018
In house sep - 8/18/2018 Rope drop 2/15/2019 R'ing since 3/15/2019
Update...and again she is just cake eating. After 4 straight days with me and a few last week as well she gave me the "I won't be home after work text", don't think she came home till after 11. Definitely a pattern and I need to stay consistent with what I do. I pretty much dropped the things I had been doing the last few days but I have already been working on my schedule and have plans for tonight.
I haven't had a 2x4 in awhile but I'll take one. I knew this was coming but I guess detaching hasn't been as effective as I thought. I see from other sitches that they wish WS was still living at the house, but in my case I wish she wasn't. Out of sight out of mind would be helpful. This is hard.
I've written extensively on the LBS paradox: is it better to live with or separately from the WAS.
Both look at their sitches and think the other way is better. It is not.
Concentrate on the positives of cohabitation through limbo:
1) You can interact with her. (Remember, detached!). You can listen and validate when she engages. When she doesn't giving her space means that it really isn't much different than living separately.
2) WAS can see your GAL efforts! SO GAL!!!!
3) WAS can see your 180s. So make sure you've 180'd on negative behavior and be consistent!!
Humans are negative creatures. Buck the trend and focus on the positives.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Good points Steve, I guess I get into my own fog when she pulls me back a bit. You are right she has seen the 180s and GALs because she has made comments about them.
Have to keep re reading the rules with the eye on the prize....me.
H-50 W-48 T-19 M -18 S23, S14 BD - 5/9/2018 OM discovered 5/10/2018
In house sep - 8/18/2018 Rope drop 2/15/2019 R'ing since 3/15/2019
Went to a support group meeting last night. Topic was "Uncoupling", everyone in the group had already been through D from 6 months to 8 years prior so I was a bit different story. Was interesting to hear from the group, half were still struggling with the loss of the M and still had thoughts of S after a few years, the other half just knew it wasn't right and had detached before even D. None of them had any issues of infidelity more just irreconciliable differences. Just trying to get some more input on how they were coping and everything seems to be just as we discuss here about investing in yourself and moving on with your life.
Good to get out though and share stories, just like here. We are not alone and people do move on, it's not the end of your existence unless you make it to be.
H-50 W-48 T-19 M -18 S23, S14 BD - 5/9/2018 OM discovered 5/10/2018
In house sep - 8/18/2018 Rope drop 2/15/2019 R'ing since 3/15/2019
Good day yesterday, WW was home Fri, said had plans for Sat and did not come home in AM. It was eating me up for half the day, I was too consumed but I spent the day doing alot of repairs around the house long overdue then got my S ready for a school event and went out for some drinks with one of our friends. Wow just to get some of the garbage off my chest with someone that knows my WW felt so good but after 10 minutes of that we had a good time just hanging out. Felt so much better the rest of the night knowing I can and am ready to pull away.
Advice to all db'ers you have to get out and GAL, little things can change your thoughts and mood, you just have to make the effort. The absolute worst is sitting around the house. Make it happen!
H-50 W-48 T-19 M -18 S23, S14 BD - 5/9/2018 OM discovered 5/10/2018
In house sep - 8/18/2018 Rope drop 2/15/2019 R'ing since 3/15/2019
