So you are willing to lose full custody of your son to save a couple of hundred dollars?
Dude. I don't even have a few ten dollars to spare. Literally.
And no, I'm not. So I am working on that. I did get a copy of the signed MSA, and here's how custody is addressed in it: I have full conservatorship. W has visitation with no restrictions as to when she can visit. IF she gets a permanent career AND permanent housing, we will revisit mediation to DISCUSS 50/50. None of that is set in stone in her favor. And it doesn't say I will GIVE her 50/50, it says we can discuss it. I don't have to agree to it. And if we do mediation a second time and DON'T agree...well, the first MSA stays in effect as a binding contract. A second one would be a SECOND binding contract, and that would be a whole different issue.
I've been trying to contact the court to see if our MSA was filed. They have not responded. Bottom line: legally, we're in a binding, legal contract that (in our state) cannot be revoked.
So as it stands...it's locked in, with or without a court order. And literally nothing she can do will make it not binding.
If the case is dismissed, I still have the contract.
If the case is finalized, I still have the contract.
So with or without taking the additional steps, it's locked in.
YES, I understand that I NEED to handle it. But with 0 extra money (in fact, I end up being about $1,300 short each month, so less critical bills don't get paid), and 0 family resources to help, I've basically got nothing to work with.
Considering that, I'm doing pretty well. And yes, IF I can find a way, I'm going to make it happen. But until then, I have literally zero options. Literally.
BM, wow. She really is off the reservation. Great job of handling her outburst, especially telling her to get out. Nicely done! Then she throws herself down on the floor crying, holy cow are we 8 years old in the grocery store wanting a lollipop all over again? Unbelievable behavior on her part. Sounds like things ain't working out like her little clouded mind thought, but she still has a ways to go to hit rock bottom and start the rebuilding process.
So, the other day, W wanted to see S, but she wanted me to take him to her store (it's about 4 blocks from my house). So I did. She paid for his dinner, I paid for mine. After a few minutes I cracked a joke with one of her employees. W decided to jump on me for "joking about her store" and I said "It was a joke, and you know that." She said "well, maybe if I talk to you serious like this you'll start listening" to which I responded "Okay, S, time to go home. Tell mommy goodbye." and then we left. I sent her a text message about an hour later that said "It's not okay to manufacture reasons to argue with me, especially in front of S...and when we work for the same company. You're welcome to see S whenever you like, but I will not be bringing him to your store since you insist on arguing with me in front of him."
I got a text at 5:09 this morning from her: "Good morning! Just a friendly reminder to put a jacket on S, although I know you're better at checking the weather than I am lol. Have a good day today. Give S a kiss for me."
That was weird.
Today she called: "I have a favor to ask you, it's kind of important. I'm 20 seconds away from your place, can I stop by?"
I had some important stuff (taxes, S school and medication stuff) to talk to her about, so I said that would be ok. I met her downstairs and she asked if she could come up. It's cold and rainy, so I said that would be fine plus S wanted to see her.
She came up and sat in the chair. I asked what she wanted to ask. She said she wanted to take a nap. I was going to say no, but I was distracted by S kicking me in the shin. She fell asleep in the chair. This was right before S's bedtime. I woke her up and told her that we were doing the bedtime routine, and she could lay in the bedroom while I get S ready for bed (honestly, I wouldn't have, but I needed S to pay attention to his routine and she literally just drove to the LAST place she'd probably want to take a nap at and fell asleep in under 3 seconds sitting up). S and I went about the routine as per our usual. At his bedtime, I woke her up and told her he was going to bed and I needed to talk to her after he was in bed. She went in the restroom, then left before I got out of the room. Then she texted and wanted me to call so I could tell her the important stuff.
So I did, and she kept getting off topic about work, funny things, how we've been reacting out of emotion and not dealing with each other's emotions when we fight, and how as a human we both had feelings but failed to consider the reactions the other would have, etc...I was like "that would have been good to do two years ago." She said "I know. We'd still be together, but we've both done and said things we can't take back." I said "yeah." Then she went on about work and funny stuff again until the very end of the call when she started acting like she was going to steer the conversation into an argument...and she fell asleep on the phone.
I don't even know wtf she's doing, but she DEFINITELY needs more sleep.
Is your W on any type of meds that you know of, or putting in lots of hours at her store? Maybe somebody else can chime in, but maybe stress and her rollercoaster are contributing to it? Sounds like she is sleep deprived.
Together:20 years M:3 years Me:40 WW:40 S15 A suspected:5/17 AC:5/18 BD:8/18 WW in full blown R w/ OM Still under same roof
Yeah, she's putting in a massive number of hours, losing sleep. Also she's not on any meds that I know of right now, but she's supposed to be on them for depression.
It's probably all from that...but it's really strange that when she can't function well, I'm the person she comes to still.
I gotta stop letting her do that. I almost did tonight except she fell asleep and I realized that she literally wouldn't be able to drive without getting into an accident.
Good job. You are getting better in how you interact with her. Don't be "weirded out" by anything she says or does b/c I am giving you fair warning that she will give very dramatic scenes of "Woe is Me". She will cry, fall down on the floor, fall into your arms...….whatever it takes to make you feel sorry for her. Yeah, the cheater who is having a pity party wants the betrayed spouse to pet her and soothe away the consequences that come from cheating and breaking up a home. Ironic, isn't it?
I want you to remember something. Just b/c she's throwing these big dramatic scenes and crying how she "just wants her baby", does not mean that one thing has changed in her. Not a thing! She's just as wayward as she ever was! This dramatic acting is nothing more than her trying to manipulate your emotions. Notice how she even hugs you when she starts to leave. Stop and think about it. How twisted is that? She wants her cake with icing galore. I realize it may be difficult to witness one of these performances, but just stick to your guns. Don't feel sorry for her. The WW has to experience the consequences of her actions. Not being able to have her child whenever she decides she wants to spend time with him, or get a look at him...….is just one of those consequences. Not that you are punishing her, but b/c whenever a mother decides to break up her home, she has to give the other parent his equal share of time with the child. In some cases, it may be more or less equal time. At any rate, this was her doing, and for her to expect (and yes, she does expect) you to feel sorry for her and give her what she wants in that moment...….is ludicrous. But, that's the mindset of the WW. In spite of everything she's done to hurt you, she still feels entitled to whatever she wants.
If you ever want to put it to a test, just say "no" (or don't sway from your stance) whenever she is throwing one of these dramatic performances. Don't hug her. Don't show sympathy, b/c she has to see that you aren't buying into her performance. Understand? The WW is trying to sucker you into feeling sorry for her and serving her a big ole slice of cake. If she gets mad at you, then rest assured nothing has changed in her......and this little scene was the equivalent to a spoiled brat falling on the floor and bawling, to get you to give in to her. However, should she quietly cry and calmly accept your decision, then that's a good sign. It is one of the first signs of her accepting the reality she has caused, and knowing in her heart that she doesn't deserve so much as a kind word from you. In other words, a little dose of humility does a world of good.
When the entire picture of a WW is observed (whether it's her pity parties, manipulation, rebellion, resentment, etc.) you'll see the sense of entitlement and selfishness in her. That's what the H is really dealing with. He gets distracted by other things, but if he will watch, he'll see how everything is centered on her.
I may sound like a cold hearted b'tch, but I'm really not. I just know how cold hearted a WW can be. I know as long as her H is vulnerable to her tricks, he's going to continue to get played. So, I keep showing up, telling you guys to beware.
((hugs))
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Not a whole lot of updates lately. S stayed with her this weekend, so I was able to do my GAL stuff. It was a pretty good weekend.
The only thing that's happened really since (and I didn't post it because it wasn't a big thing at all, but something Sandi said made me think of it...) is that about a week ago, W asked if I could bring S by her work, and she'd pay for his part of dinner. So I ordered, and S and I went to pick it up and give her a couple minutes of mommy time. Well, it went ok until she took a joke I made with another employee there and decided to use it as an opportunity to attack me.
In front of S.
At work.
At the same company we both work for.
My response to her attack was "Okay, S, time to go home!" Then I told her have a nice day and we left.
I texted her after and said that I wouldn't be bringing S back inside her work again if all she wants to do is manufacture reasons to be angry at me in front of him.
I got silence.
W wanted S to stay with her this past Thursday night, I said that would be fine. She once again asked if I could bring him to her work. I said "I'll bring him, but we're not coming inside. You can meet us outside when you're done." She said "That's fine, ok."
She came out of work, got S, then took him inside so she could finish up her work. I left.
She kind of leaves me alone more when I don't budge. It's kind of nice, really.
I cant remember, but didnt you have problems with the jokes before or am i getting you mixed up with someine elses sitch? If so, are the jokes meant to provoke her?
Together:20 years M:3 years Me:40 WW:40 S15 A suspected:5/17 AC:5/18 BD:8/18 WW in full blown R w/ OM Still under same roof
I joke a lot, but the jokes are not to provoke her.
For context, W had one of her employees out sick. The employee had a stroke. I asked W how her employee was doing, and she said "she's doing okay, but she's trying to come back to work too soon." Her coworker said "Way too soon, if it were up to me, I wouldn't let her come back until she was better." I work in the office in IT, so I jokingly said "Ya know, I can delete her schedule if you want..."
W said "DO NOT JOKE ABOUT MY STORE OR MY EMPLOYEES."
I said "You KNOW it's a joke. I wouldn't actually do that, and you know it."
She said "Well, maybe if I talk to you like this all the time, you'll start to take me seriously."
That's when I turned to S and said "Okay buddy, time to go home."
It wasn't malicious in any way. W just decided that was a good opportunity to attack me.
More context: things she's attacked me over in the past month: smoking (because apparently that's enough money to cover a $700/mo day care bill...it's not), the joke at the store, um...honestly, I'm having trouble remembering the other things...there were more, but I've just started ignoring them most of the time or cutting off the conversation when she starts to get that way. Heh.
