Whirlwind of Hurt 3

[burned]

Threadjack, although it probably applies to TF's sitch:

IMO these quick Ds are the best thing for reconciliation. Time and space are the only thing that turns these around long term.

Would you say the same applies to physical S?

[LH19]

Would you say the same applies to physical S?

In most cases no. Though better than an in house separation the physical separation is usually a ticket to a cake eating festival. The WW gets the financial benefits of still being married and the ability to get with OP and the safety net to fall back on if it doesn't work out.

My ex wanted to do the nesting separation. It would have been the second time we separated. I said no that if you are not going to actively work on the marriage then we need to get divorced.

I think it was AMOAFWL was the first to really get me to understand that marriage is just a piece of paper telling the govt that we are married. I am not religious so that takes that aspect of it out. My thought was we will get D and if she changes her mind and I am open to it we will just get back together sell one house and family will be back in tact.

I truly believe they won't take a second look until they KNOW you are not an option anymore.

[AnotherStander]

TF, it sounds like you are handling the interactions with your W well. She's clearly getting very emotional about it but you're doing a good job of remaining calm and not letting her escalate. So keep that up!

This was all due to her giving me an outlandish value for some of the things she was leaving and wanting to buy new. Example she wanted 1k for dining table. I said I will not buy a her a new dining table at 1k. Since we both own our table 50/50 and I am keeping it I will buy out her half at the value we think the table is worth.

If this comes up again then try this- "W, it sounds like we disagree on the value of the table. If you feel the table is worth 2k, then I will accept that value and let you have it and you can pay me 1k for my half of it." Then if she hedges but still wants too much then "Very well, since we can't agree then let's sell the table and split the proceeds 50-50. Let me know how the sale goes."

[Ready2Change]

I think it was AMOAFWL was the first to really get me to understand that marriage is just a piece of paper telling the govt that we are married. I am not religious so that takes that aspect of it out. My thought was we will get D and if she changes her mind and I am open to it we will just get back together sell one house and family will be back in tact.

Divorce is just a piece of legal paperwork. It documents an agreement between two people. How shared assets are to be divided. How parenting time will be divided. How joint debt is to be split. In cases where there is differences in income, If one person will help financially support the other. etc

[burned]

I truly believe they won't take a second look until they KNOW you are not an option anymore.

Hop on over to my thread so TF can get back to being a DB phenom.

[Ready2Change]

If this comes up again then try this- "W, it sounds like we disagree on the value of the table. If you feel the table is worth 2k, then I will accept that value and let you have it and you can pay me 1k for my half of it."

Then if she hedges but still wants too much then "Very well, since we can't agree then let's sell the table and split the proceeds 50-50. Let me know how the sale goes."

I love this. Worded perfectly.

[Twofeet]

Well I came home late because of appointments I had to take the daughters to. W was tired and is currently laying in S bed, but not sleeping. She is probably on fb right now. She was too tired to talk about kids. I'm getting tired of this nonsense, she can't keep kicking the can down the road. I pushed her a little to test how far I could go on the telling the kids topic. I could tell it wasn't going anywhere and was going to end up in a fight without even getting to the discussion so I backed off. I have IC tomorrow so we can strategize before I talk to W. Tomorrow I am not taking No for an answer and told W this. We need to get this figured out asap. She just doesn't want the confrontation because I think she knows what she is doing is wrong and it will cause a lot of hurt to our children.
She continues to act ugly and I just keep wondering what happened to my real W.

[crofton]

Well I came home late because of appointments I had to take the daughters to. W was tired and is currently laying in S bed, but not sleeping. She is probably on fb right now. She was too tired to talk about kids. I'm getting tired of this nonsense, she can't keep kicking the can down the road. I pushed her a little to test how far I could go on the telling the kids topic. I could tell it wasn't going anywhere and was going to end up in a fight without even getting to the discussion so I backed off. I have IC tomorrow so we can strategize before I talk to W. Tomorrow I am not taking No for an answer and told W this. We need to get this figured out asap. She just doesn't want the confrontation because I think she knows what she is doing is wrong and it will cause a lot of hurt to our children.
She continues to act ugly and I just keep wondering what happened to my real W.

I sympathise with you, my W is the same. She is acting pure evil currently, I can't even speak to her anymore and she is like a stranger and not the person I married.

[Twofeet]

I have a question for everyone. I have been feeling a deep urge for repentance. I want to ask my W for forgiveness for all the wrongs I have done in my marriage, describing them in detail. Not the I'm so sorry begging and pleading based on fear that was done on BD. I just want a clear conscience and I want to ask her forgiveness as closure for myself. I know this won't bring her back and I have no expectations of her actually forgiving me. I just feel this is something I need to do, but I don't want to put the nail in the coffin. Please advise.

[Maika]

Don't.