Yikes BM. If your goal was to push her further away, you have likely succeeded. You just confirmed all the bad stuff she may have been thinking about you and set yourself up for a hostile divorce. Perfectly fine if that is really what you want. But there was a lot of anger in your texts which tells me there is also a lot of hurt. Best not to make any big decisions or send any messages when you are feeling that way.
^^^AMEN^^^
BM, I can't tell you how harmful and destructive what you said was. It was the mother of all backslides. All I can say is drink a cool glass of STFU, and drink it every day. Or every hour, or minute. Whatever it takes to stop yourself. Just go back to square one. Read DR, read Sandi's rules, stop ALL interactions with your W until you can get yourself back under control.
If you really want so bad to finish the D then DO IT. Don't say it, that's just wishy washy passive-aggressive stuff. DO IT.
I know it was a bad idea to text. I totally get that.
But I still stand by the things I said.
I'm not always the brightest, but I'm straightforward.
I never wanted D. Until W started becoming completely unhinged. Now, I just want to get on with my life...with or without her.
I AM going to finish the D. That's no question.
Today W is giving me a hard time about not paying for things in the MSA...but she's got everything messed up where she's not paying CS yet...so paying for things is insanely difficult since S lives with me.
Yet she's not worried that she doesn't pay CS...she's worried that I can't pay $350/mo on daycare.
She absolutely left me in a massive financial crater, and she keeps making it worse. So I have to finish the D to make CS happen so that I CAN pay my half of the stuff in the MSA.
Look, for everyone saying it's going to become a hostile D...it was supposed to have been final a month ago, but she showed up to court, late, with S, and said that the mediators didn't finish the final decree, then later that afternoon she moved to dismiss the divorce.
If you are open for any advice start listening to the vets on this site. You are really way to focused on W. Look we get it she hurt you, but its time you understand that you must be strong for not only yourself but your son. You need to move on with YOUR life.
Do you think the advice on this site doesnt work? Look at the success stories... better yet look at the failures, the guys wallowing in self pity. They want everyone to know how sad they are seeking sympathy from anyone who will listen.
Stop talking and start doing, go to the gym and just walk on a treadmill, listen to music. Make a plan to rid yourself of the torture you are putting yourself through. Step up your game.
Why you would talk to your W for anything but your S, and stop using him as leverage.
The thing about this life we have is its up to you.
M:52 W:49 D:26 S:24 S:23 D:20 ILYBNILWY 5/28/17 Still living together W filed 1/5/18 W moved out 8/24/18 D final 9/18/20
Look we get it she hurt you, but its time you understand that you must be strong for not only yourself but your son. You need to move on with YOUR life.
I have been doing exactly that. The advice here has been insanely good most of the time, and I know it's effective.
I'm not saying that W is not a typical WW...but she has some highly narcissistic tendencies as well.
She used to attack, then I'd just silently listen, then she'd have me in tears, then she'd hug/kiss me...but ONLY if she feels that she's won the argument and shut me down completely. That's the ONLY time she lets up.
It's weird.
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BM, so I still see a lot of talk about getting the D done, but if I were you I would have filed to move it forward TODAY.
How, Steve?
I got paid Friday. I can't pay my internet bill, and after rent, I won't have enough left over to really do anything at all...and with S living with me, not buying food isn't exactly an option...
Okay, just called the courthouse and got some answers.
The D has been dismissed. I was told I had 30 days to respond, but that deadline apparently has lapsed by 3 days, but that's fine. Now I can sell my old car and hopefully get enough to pay an A to take care of this and finish the battle.
So meanwhile, the standing court orders are not in effect any longer. I don't have to stress out about following those guidelines now.
That'll buy me some time, but I'm hoping I won't need a lot of time to get this fired back up.
I definitely need to move as fast as I can.
Steve...I've always listened and appreciated all of your advice...I hope you don't think I have been ignoring your wisdom...I've just been trying to adapt to the situation (mostly financially) and it's been very, very difficult.
But yes...the plan here is to put on some KMFDM and get this done.
Just do what you have to do BM. But get legal advice and take your time to get into action. Your movements must be consistent, you get that, right? Not anger, no fear.
Hoping the best for you and your family.
No anger I wrote? Yeah, no anger, checked.
WW H(me): 53 W: 48 T: 27 M: 22 S: 18 Piecing since 03/2016 Saw the light in the storm
Hehheh. Well, I can't say there's no anger. But there isn't any malice. I don't wish her any ill will...I just want to fix the mess she made. I can be angry and do no harm at the same time.
More than anger, I have the desire for peace for S and I. And W...but it's not my problem to help her find it.
