I never thought I would get anything from a support group, but guess what they do....SUPPORT each other because they are going through the same thing. I found myself leaving after dinner and not coming home until I was ready to go right to bed....never even saw W most times....it was like we were living apart.Most groups meet weekly, and I also found this a great way to meet new people as the group changes a bit each time. I find myself talking to new people about new things.
What kind of support group is it? I may be interested in something like this. I have found myself talking to perfect strangers about my sitch. Maybe not in detailed terms. Like my walking group. I meet new people every week and if they ask if I'm married, I tell them a little about what's going on. Feels good to verbalize it when you know the person won't tell anyone you know or don't have a personal feeling about it one way or the other.
I agree that the person that's wayward should be the person to move out. They want that life, they have to find a way to pay for it and make it work for them. Not your problem. I would stick to your guns!
You got married and promised each other forever! If she wants out she can GTFO! Let her deal with that. Her having to work 3 jobs is not your problem! She has another man in her life so you are not hers to tell you what to do! Why is it that you are the only one who has to do something he/she doesn't want to do?
H 34 W 29 BD 3/12/18 Divorce Busted Spring 19
It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
I have been listening to the song I posted above constantly. And all I can do is pity W. I do not know if I'm starting to see the signs her her WW life slowing down or not. At this point, there is nothing I can nor do I want to do.
I have a fantasy that someday I can have her listen to this song and lyrics, but that's all that it is...a fantasy.
W brought her mom back to our house (again) and she asked me if I wanted to sleep in her bed. I said "no" and she said "are you sure?" I said I was sure. Otherwise, she is trying to establish some small talk, but I have completely withdrawn otherwise. I keep thinking that I should respond, but then I just think of her cheating and what she has done and what she (probably) continues to do to me, so I stop. I have started noticing a change in her attitude however. But I do not, cannot, will not trust her until it's glaringly obvious that she is remorseful or is truly done. Out of my hands and in God's.
I think this is what true detachment feels like. I am now feeling it. I keep looking behind me, but I'm doing it less often.
No major GAL plans this weekend. I have chairs to dye and a trip to the city I need to make (photo shoot), but otherwise, should be pretty quiet, possibly Sunday evening. We'll see.
I have been praying everyday for this painful situation to be over. I hope that the day for that is coming. I keep feeling that once this year is over, I will start seeing some kind of turnaround. I don't know in what from that is going to take, but I do want to believe that I can start putting this painful part of my life behind me.
I feel hopeless and hopeful at the same time. I would love to feel only the hopeful part soon.
First off, thank you all for chiming in during the weekend. I try to stay away and GAL, but I do check in once in awhile, or when something of note has occurred.
I have been struggling lately for the better part of two weeks with my emotions. I now am in full detach mode and it's getting noticed. And I'm caring less and less. When I have an inkling of a positive thought about my W, my mind immediately goes to "She cheated on you and is dating another man while legally married to you, continually disrespects you, and cake eats. She doesn't deserve squat right now". That mindset has been helping me detach more.
I also need to step up my GAL significantly. I have made little friends that are not somehow connected by my W, though I am asking my coworkers about their plans and if they do not mind some company. For now, GAL revolves around:
- LIfting (Solo) - Photography (Solo, maybe with D4 in tow) - Errands (with D4) - Cooking (at home with D4) - Long drives (Solo)
That's about it. I'm trying to find groups in Meetup, but I am not finding anything of interest. I stopped going to the sex classes because everytime I have a thought about it, my mind immediately goes to W and OM and their sexcapades. That kills my drive and desire to learn quick. As a matter of fact, and this is oversharing, I have not been able to satisfactorily take care of myself because my mind goes towards that direction, I get sad and lose interest, and I end up feeling worse.
I started going to an NGS support group. My first session was today. Too early to tell how it's going to go. I explained my sitch to them and I was met with acknowledgement. So the support group is going to be a process.
Holiday plans are starting to be formed. And I have some thoughts on how I want to handle it. I am strongly leaning towards refusing all gifts from W. I am not going to acknowledge her birthday, our anniversary (hah) and going to ask that my birthday not be celebrated. It was a joke last year so soon after BD and from the way I have been treated lately I do not want to continue to have a BS celebration just for the sake of W "being nice".
I am distancing significantly from W's friends. I have no trust in them at all. I know that when it comes to WW and their actions there is nothing the friends can do, but I just still continue to feel betrayed, especially by her best friend, who I bailed out of jail a few months ago after what I likely have determined to be a veiled guilt trip (she's good) by my W.
I wonder if these feelings are of true detachment. I am living the "no expectations" mantra now. It just feels like the support I need are online, a scheduled appointment, my mother, or someone who is somehow connected to W.
This is going into 2019. I have surrendered to this fact. The only solace I will have is that I will be a better person than I was at that point last year.
Question for you all: When W is so involved with OM's friends and children, how should I handle it? Is she just that deep into her own fog? I know it's not good at all, but hopes for a happy ending dwindle each day. This would just be another pin that gets knocked down.
Just before I stepped out of the house for work, W asked me about my decision about our "living situation". I told her that we would talk about it but I remained firm on me staying at the house. She said that she thought we came to an agreement. I told her I never agreed to that. I also brought up the fact that she wanted to have a conversation about it, not make a decision about it, but have expressed my need to stay at the house. I did say that I will out of the house more doing more stuff (GAL, etc.), which will keep me out later, but how she deals with me staying at the house when I'm done is her issue.
She said something along the lines of "well, I'd better make myself scarce." I shrugged my shoulders and basically told she can do what she needs to do. So she went into her room to pack. I left the house after I said goodbye to my D4.
That was tough, but I am so happy that I did not give in like I used to.
