Whirlwind of Hurt 5

[Twofeet]

Part 4:
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2819476&page=11

Some of the worst parts of the roller coaster happened in part 4. W has moved out, she cried hugged, kissed me, said how sorry she was and how much she will miss me. I think I handled things as best as I could from BD to move out. Our parting embrace at least showed me I did the right things and made it hard for her to leave as it is hard to leave someone you love not someone you hate. I am now moving forward on my own. I tell me myself I have a purpose even if I do not know what it is.

[Twofeet]

I told her she could eat dinner at my house and she said don't go out of your way to make me dinner. I said I am not, I am making dinner as usual for everyone and there will be plenty if she wants to eat.

TF,

This is pursuit man. Look if you don't want her back and you are totally cool with a blended family I'll do projects at your house, you do projects at my house dinner eating kind of thing that's fine. This is cake eating big time.

Let us not lose sight of the fact there is an om in the picture here. Do you want to be cooking her dinner and then she goes over to his place afterwards?

Time and space turns this around. Nothing else.

Would you suggest I just give her the boot and just handle it? Its frustrating because this is sh!t she should have handled before she moved out, and I don't feel like I should have to pick up her slack. At the same time I don't want my kids to get in trouble with school because W doesn't have her sh!t together. I can see this being cake eating too, W can just forgo doing school work with the kids on her days and just dump it off on me cause she knows I will do it. I am frustrated because I can't figure out if I am loving from a distance or allowing cake eating.

Just continuing this from part 4.

LH19 & anyone else reading please advise.

[LH19]

I am frustrated because I can't figure out if I am loving from a distance or allowing cake eating.

To me loving from distance means exactly what it sounds like.

The project thing for your daughter. Sure I can drop her off at your place and you can bring her back to my house when the projects done.

I'll give you a couple examples of mine.

One night ex calls and says someone was trying to break into house. I of course went over to check it out, it was nothing and I immediately left and went back home.

Ex wanted me to get daughter on the bus on one morning because MIL couldn't do it. Didn't have any plans so I said sure as long as she sleeps at my house. I'm not going over her house to get her on the bus.

It's always being upbeat, positive, in any exchanges, accommodating at times but keeping your distance.

[Twofeet]

Would you suggest I just let this one slide or should I call her up and make new arrangements?

[LH19]

How about? W something came up, can I drop the kids at your place so you can work on the project and I will pick them up on the way home?

[Ready2Change]

How about? W something came up, can I drop the kids at your place so you can work on the project and I will pick them up on the way home?

I like this.

Now is about boundaries.

[Ready2Change]

I just remember something I wanted to talk to you or anybody reading these post about. When I saw her yesterday looking worn out I felt like the love goggles starting to come off a bit. I was really looking at her and seeing the cracks in her facade, or rather the facade that I had mentally created. To me she was an endlessly beautiful creature, no matter what she did with herself I could only see this flawless beauty, the muse that I married. For a brief moment yesterday, when I was looking at her all I saw was flaws, a worn out, pathetic mid-30s woman. I wondered if I was a single guy and meeting her for the first time right now, would I even be physically attracted to her. Then it was like my brain kicked into protection mode and the love googles went back up and she was my beautiful W again. It was a weird feeling.
Is this unique or something similar happen to you at any point BD to D?

It goes in cycles.

Have you watched "Shallow Hal"?

[Ready2Change]

I played the Guess Who game with D5, her favorite. After I played music vids on YouTube on the TV and danced to them with D5 and S3.

Cherish these moments. They grow up very quickly. D4 is now D16. It all went by in a blink of an eye.

[neffer]

Be the lighthouse man!

(((TF)))

[Twofeet]

So as per the phone convo with W she had back to back work meetings in the city all day yesterday. So I took LH19 advice and called her up, but due to her meetings I left a phone message basically using LH19 prompt. Late afternoon while I am at work I get a text from her asking for a phone call asap. It sounded urgent so I called her. She said she was having a vomit inducing migraine and left her meetings early. She dropped all the kids project stuff and some additional kids stuff off at my house. I said didn't you get get my message? She said no so I told her what it said. She said she can't watch kids as her migraine is killing her and causing her to vomit. She wanted me to ease D8 disappointment, so I told her I will tell her what happened. Well when I picked up the kids and told them D8 was disappointed and was saying W never never helps, D8 can never rely on mom, mom lies etc. I reminded D8 W is sick so it cannot be helped. D8 said mom always gets migraines and doesn't help. So I said to D8 mom said she will make it up to you on the next school project and if she doesn't you know I will always go out of my way to help you with school. You have nothing to worry about I will do my best to make sure you are okay. Later that night D8 video called W to show her the project. W told D8 she had been laying in the dark since she got home. I had all 3 kids wish wife goodnight and get better. I saw W briefly as she needed to quickly discuss a child scheduling issue. W looked pretty bad, after I got off the phone I felt bad for her.