Getting Mixed Signals - New Thread

[Living]

Old Thread

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2824488&page=1

[Living]

Wow as I read over my previous thread I cringe at my typos. Sorry guys, lol! I’m typing via a cell phone because I didn’t want him finding this website on my computer. I know, I know, clear history but sometimes I forget to do that.

Yesterday evening when he went up to do his laundry and take a shower, he finally realized that his things have been moved out of the MBR. He came to me and said “Soooo you couldn’t put this [censored] up?” What????? He expected me to nice and neatly put his things away? I looked at him and said calmly, “no”. He shook his head and said in an upset manner, “Ok that’s cool, this is how we are going to do this, that’s cool.” He then said, I’ll put it up myself. Ugh yea!!!!

This morning after he left for work I noticied that he left the door open to his room. I peaked in the door and noticed that he hasn’t put much of anything in the closet or in the dresser. His clothes are all on the floor.

I’m sure he’s p!ssed and will retaliate in some way. I need to prepare myself for what may come next, which I’m not sure.

Then I picked my son up from school yesterday and I explained to him that my H will start to share a bathroom with him. He said ok. Then my son told me, that my H isn’t sleeping at night. Which means my son isn’t either, lol. My son gets up real early for school, comes home from school and falls asleep, so he usually struggles to fall asleep at night. I’m trying to get my son out of this cycle. Lol. Anyway, my son says that the other night he kept hearing my husband go in and out of the bathroom. He also said he sounds like he was walking up and down the hall.

So yesterday after work, I pulled over at the park and I cried the hardest cry I have in the longest time. I cannot believe my marriage has come to this. I cannot believe that this is where I’m at with my H. I mourn the beautiful marriage we had. I mourn the wonderful husband he was. He was my best friend. It still shocks me that he has done the things he’s done. I’ve told my mother, sisters, and best friend what has happened. They are all in shock. They can’t beleve he is acting this way. I hate that the MLC fairies came and stole my loving and wonderful H.

So today I feel so sad. Still taking my power back and proud of that. However, today I feel so sad.

[burned]

Stay strong. It’s OK to feel what you feel. The emotions come out because you’ve made changes. Change is never comfortable. It makes you confront your fears. But I’ll tell you what others told me: maybe you’re afraid that what you did made things WORSE, that the M is getting closer to ending. But maybe you’re wrong. Maybe you’re just setting the stage. Building a house. You have to dig a hole in the ground to put in a foundation before the rest of the house goes up.

[Living]

Stay strong. It’s OK to feel what you feel. The emotions come out because you’ve made changes. Change is never comfortable. It makes you confront your fears. But I’ll tell you what others told me: maybe you’re afraid that what you did made things WORSE, that the M is getting closer to ending. But maybe you’re wrong. Maybe you’re just setting the stage. Building a house. You have to dig a hole in the ground to put in a foundation before the rest of the house goes up.

Thank you Burned.

I just got a text message from him saying that after thinking about things, he’s not moving out. He said he’s not moving out until we sell or rent out our home. He said it doesn’t make financial sense for him to move out of the house. We just bought our house this year. There’s no way we can sell it right now. He said we will have to figure out how to coexist until that happens.

I’m sooooo p!ssed! How did this become my life? This was supposed to be the house we fixed up and made a home. He said he would move out and now he’s going back on that. How the h3ll can we just live like roommates for the next couple of years? D@mn this [censored]!!!!!

[burned]

Tell yourself that it will be the house that bore witness to the depths of human despair as well as the soaring heights of ecstasy that come with the rebirth of love. Maybe the suffering is what it takes, the last renovation that makes the house/home indestructible. At the very least it will make YOU indestructible.

You’ll do better at being a roommate if you’re never home. GAL, be out and about. Even if it’s just at a coffee shop. It doesn’t have to be like that forever. But first you have to weather this storm, especially today.

[Living]

Tell yourself that it will be the house that bore witness to the depths of human despair as well as the soaring heights of ecstasy that come with the rebirth of love. Maybe the suffering is what it takes, the last renovation that makes the house/home indestructible. At the very least it will make YOU indestructible.

You’ll do better at being a roommate if you’re never home. GAL, be out and about. Even if it’s just at a coffee shop. It doesn’t have to be like that forever. But first you have to weather this storm, especially today.

I want to apologize to the moderators for saying a bad word. I will be sure not to do that in the future.

Thank you Burned! It’s difficult but I know I’ll survive. It’s not what I planned for my life but here I am. I’m working more now so that will take up more of my time and GAL will help take up the rest of my time. I truly appreciate your insight and advice.

[job]

Everyone has days when they use "bad" words. I think I caught all of them.

[AnotherStander]

So yesterday after work, I pulled over at the park and I cried the hardest cry I have in the longest time. I cannot believe my marriage has come to this. I cannot believe that this is where I’m at with my H. I mourn the beautiful marriage we had. I mourn the wonderful husband he was. He was my best friend. It still shocks me that he has done the things he’s done. I’ve told my mother, sisters, and best friend what has happened. They are all in shock. They can’t beleve he is acting this way. I hate that the MLC fairies came and stole my loving and wonderful H.

So today I feel so sad. Still taking my power back and proud of that. However, today I feel so sad.

Of course you feel that way! It just means you are caring and sensitive. Embrace that.

You're talking like your H has passed away, which in many ways is not far from the truth. In MLC something happens to people, their personality is so radically different it's very much like dealing with someone who has had a traumatic brain injury. There is good and bad news. The good news is many MLCers do return to their old selves at some point. The bad news is it usually takes many years. So settle in because none of this is likely to change anytime soon.

Regarding him being up and pacing at night, it sounds like he's having anxiety attacks. Maybe that will get better now that he's decided not to move out.

[Ready2Change]

Hi Living,


I assume you still want to save your M. It is all up to you right now. Your H does not have the skills or the support system you do.


You are in the right state of mind to do the necessary work.


Boundaries work. It is important that you communicate clearly to H so he does not make assumptions.

Here is a frame work. Can you take this, fill in details, add or subtract, rearrange and post for input from us?
(Not now, but at some point, you can speak the final version (or a note) to H.


W:"H, I have thought about everything you have said and want to share my thoughts with you."
W:"H,I see many solutions to our problems"
W:"H, I want a husband that .....Bla bla bla bla..... Right now, I do not see you behaving the way I need my H to behave."
W:"H, If you are not willing to......Bla bla bla..... I will Start the Divorce process."
W:"I have decided......"
W:"It is important to me to make sure we both understand each others side"
W":"I know for certain I never want to be in this sitch again"
W:"I want us both to be happy"



I wish you well during this most difficult time. Just know that life does get better either way. D or R.

HUGS

[marina7]

Living,

Sorry your feeling sad...

Trust me our emotions are like rollercoaster one minute we are
strong then we feel hopeless.

But is all Normal feelings..
After 1yr 8months am still more sad then ever.

But is ok to feel this way.
I have posted notes to myself saying
Is ok to not be ok
Is not you fault
Today is a new day

I must say these reminder notes help me alot

As everyone has said. Stay away from H
I know is easier said than done
But find things to do.

I know when W left I thought it was the end.
But I have read some pretty bad stories of MLC
Stay at home.
I am so glad W left, WAW

I can't imagine waking up to a monster everyday or even sleeping
In the same roof. My W did that for a while walking around, making noise
I couldn't sleep I honestly thought I wasn't going to wake I am scared of my W.

So you do what's best for you and S.
Financial
Emotional
Mentally
Physically
Always protect you and S.

You have a long road.

But remember is ok to not be ok
And is ok to cry
is ok...

Stay strong Living