So do not get your expectations up, because you'd be setting yourself for disappointment all over again. It is like a small part of you is dying each and every time. Been there, done that, got the sticker to prove it.
But then why give her any help at all?
It's not about "Giving her help". Thats NOT why you are doing it.
It's because you are contributing where you have responsibility. Its about who YOU are as a person....not what it means to her or for her. What does BURNED2.0 look like? How does he behave? What morals does he have? What things are important to him?
Who's name is on the deed? Just yours, just hers or the both of you?
Even if it is just in her name, most states have a homestead clause which states that if the homestead property is sold and the deed is only in one of the spouse's names, the other spouse still needs to sign the deed to vest interest in the new buyer.
What I'm trying to get at is, you do have control of the situation. If the house is just in her name and your state has the homestead clause, which most do, she will need your cooperation in selling it.
Obviously if it's in just your name or in both of your names as joint tenants, then you will absolutely need to sign all of the paperwork to sell.
Edit: This is all, of course, applies to married couples, which you still are.
Last edited by Wanted1; 12/07/1804:59 PM.
M: 34 W:34 D:7 D:6 S:3
M: 9.5 years T: 12
OM found & BD (by me): 9/19/18 IHS begins W informs me she's moving out: 11/28/18 W files: 12/21/18 D Final: 2/25/19
Yeah, the problem is more emotional than legal. We're both on the deed and on the mortgage, so it's not like she can just sell it right out from under me.
I thought about it and I'm 90% sure I don't want the house. I'd rather have the cash and buy a new house without ghosts. Anyway I'm bad enough at managing the inside of a 2BR apartment, living in a house alone isn't really a good idea for me right now.
It's the emotional piece. This is such a gigantic waste, a hassle. For what? For her supposed happiness? At what cost? It's all just absurd.
H: 35 W: 33 M: 11 T: 13
4/10/18: I discovered A and confronted ("BD1") 6/23/18: I moved out 8/31/18: MC ends ("BD2")
From my experience you can not apply anything logical or rational to the situation. Women are emotional creatures and right now her emotional level is like a Category 5 hurricane and it will destroy anything in it's path. It is much better to just step aside of it's direct path and seek shelter until the storm dissipates. In my mind I felt the same way early on, just a big waste of time, money, emotions, and resources. Looking at her now though....I can say "Good luck with all of that...you made your bed now enjoy sleeping in it". Make you and your life fuching AMAZING and it is much easier to do.
Absurd yes. But only to you and me and other rational individuals out there. She is not thinking rationally, she is driving on emotions.
So suck it up, and get the maximum top $ you can for the house and move on from there. Again I caution you to make it perfectly clear that everything is to be divied 50:50. She might have different ideas. It is better to err on the side of caution...
In my opinion the one thing different in all of our sitches is the spouse on the other end. Some are posers and as soon as the LBS puts their foot down, kicks them out of the house, etc. that loss is enough to snap them out of it. Others have their minds completely made up and are gone 100%. From what I have seen on this board most fall into the second category of being gone 100%.
With that said, again in my opinion, one day.....many years down the road the WW will wake up, look up, and say WTF did I do???? By that time you will have moved on, more than likely have experienced other women, etc. If she wakes up and you are not in a relationship and the stars are aligned then you could have a shot. If she wakes up and you have moved on to another happy, healthy relationship then you will have no desire (like AS).
At this juncture you are still so focused on R with your XW that you forget that YOU also have a choice. You don't see it now but you eventually will. You will see that there are other amazing women out there that will appreciate you and love you for who you are and what you bring to the table (they will all want to have sex with you as well!!). The longer you dwell on your W, the longer you delay focusing on yourself, the longer your recovery time will be. I understand it is very hard to let go, use your time wisely, make the best of it.
My XW moved out 3 weeks after BD and I immediately got to work. Hard as hell it was but I am now reaping the benefits. I am a 100% whole person (financially, emotionally, and physically) and I do not need anything from anyone else to enjoy a happy, fulfilling, wonderful life.
