I know the OM stings but I would try really hard to not get too wrapped up with him. To me I saw it as a sign of weakness on my XW's part. She ended a 17 yr relationship with me and went "as is" from one R to another and never took time for herself to heal or grow as a person. Hard to see now but eventually it will catch up with her. Just know that anyone outside of you at the moment will be attractive to your W. Also know that generally the OM relationships don't last, many times it just makes it easier for them to leave.
That is why you turn yourself into a fuching A$$ kicking machine so when she does look up one day your a GOD DAM WARRIOR not some fing d-bag rocking back and forth in the corner sucking his thumb. Get in the gym and lift a ton of fuching weights so she will look at you with respect and think to herself.."man that burned has got it going on, I think I want to get a piece of that".
so she will look at you with respect and think to herself.."man that burned has got it going on, I think I want to get a piece of that".
Yeah I know this is how it has to go, it's not the first time I'm hearing it, I mean. But with no kids, no shared pets, selling the house, she moves to who knows where, I don't post to FB, no mutual friends left...she won't look back.
H: 35 W: 33 M: 11 T: 13
4/10/18: I discovered A and confronted ("BD1") 6/23/18: I moved out 8/31/18: MC ends ("BD2")
Just because there is nothing shared doesn't mean it won't ever happen. I was never a big SM guy either but about 2 months ago I started an IG account which was all driven from my desire to build my brand. Last week I checked out my college girlfriend on FB to see what she has been up to. The point is that even without those things she can still look up and think about B, wondering what he has been up to. When she does look up. What do you want her to see???
You and your mindset will change as you go through the journey. Last year at this time I would have never thought of starting an IG account. I thought it would be cool to track what me and my girls have done, just random pictures of myself and when I look back it is cool to see that I can have fun without my XW. I have also noticed that since I have linked my IG account to my dating profile I have women flocking to me.
I am meeting up with a beautiful 5'10 blonde tonight...........
Burned have you heard the old saying that the watched pot never boils? It is absolutely IMPERATIVE you take the focus off your W. You can make no progress until you shift your focus onto yourself. Your marriage is gone, your W is gone, no maybe there.
Gone, the way of the DODO gone, gone with the wind gone.
The person you see from time to time is not your W. It is a sad person intent on finding happiness. She is not aware that no other person can make you feel happy. She will come to this conclusion in due time. Will it happen soon? Not bloody likely. So what are we talking about? Two years? Not likely, it will most probably take more than that.
So if you drag your feet for 2 years and still remain a slob if/when she wakes up, why in hell would she want to get back together with you.
I see your mindset, I see it ever so clearly. I was you some years ago. Still you hope for that silver bullet. I see you frantically searching for one. You still feel your W is somehow different then our spouses are/were. She is not.
And you are no different from the res of us LBSs. We all came here driven by some unknown force, we were all traumatised PTSD in all of us. We all came apart at the seams after the initial shock wore off after 6 months ago or there about. But hen we all began to rebuild ourselves, discarding the worn out parts, building the better versions of ourselves. I love the new me. I have an awesome new job that has me traveling all over the world doing things I love. I am a kickass dad, way better then I was prior to BD. I joined MENSA, i whitewater raft, I hike 10.000 footers, I rock climb, I photograph and exhibit my work, I love my new life. I can honestly say, I would not trade my new life if someone offered to restore my marriage. I would flatly say to go f himself.
So you got to get your ass in gear and start moving. It is not easy, in fact it is hard as hell, but we are here for you, and we will spare no 2x4. But it is done from a position of love and understanding. You have probably found out by know, that a lot of people don't have a clue about your situation. And you can clearly see that on this boards, we all understand you. You can lookup all post from the beginning and you will se nothing but consistency. We know what we are talking about. The outside world very much less so.
So if you drag your feet for 2 years and still remain a slob if/when she wakes up, why in hell would she want to get back together with you.
Right. And there's no way in ehll I'm gonna stay like this for 2 years. I'm working on my goals. I'm meeting new people and then meeting new people through them. I'm tying up loose ends. I'm bouncing back strong at work. My relationships with family and old friends are better than ever. I hope I'm not delusional here, because I do feel a bit better than I did 2 months ago.
I just hate the part where I have to deal with actually breaking things. Selling the house, finding a home for the cats. Giant pain in the ass. Just so she can "find happiness." Someone who has to destroy two families to find happiness isn't someone I think I'll be interested in spending time with.
But I'm not there yet.
H: 35 W: 33 M: 11 T: 13
4/10/18: I discovered A and confronted ("BD1") 6/23/18: I moved out 8/31/18: MC ends ("BD2")
